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i broke it off but still want him in my life

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  • April 25, 2016 at 7:35 pm #102748
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear mulza:

    At this point, if I was you, I would do some serious thinking before I proceed because you may be hurting him a lot if you are careless in the near future. If you’d like to do some of your thinking on this thread, please do.

    You wrote that he needed more attention than you are comfortable with.

    Question: what kind of attention did he need? Did he want to see you too often, for too long every time? What was the nature of the attention?

    Another question: what kind of a personality type are you in regard to attention and closeness to others?

    anita

    April 26, 2016 at 5:12 am #102769
    Inky
    Participant

    Hi mulza,

    The hardest part (for me) after a breakup was when they’d call you to see how you “are”.

    Just when you’re dealing with reality and coming to terms with it, “they” call. Maddening!

    They do not call to see how you “are”. They call to assuage their own guilt.

    Please leave this guy alone for at least a year ~ for his sake. Then maybe, just maybe, have a regular conversation with him.

    If you miss the sound of his voice, imagine how he feels. Sorry so harsh!

    Best,

    Inky

    April 26, 2016 at 9:46 am #102784
    mully
    Participant

    Yes, I agree inky! I know logically to back off because I have also been the one in his shoes & had my stability disrupted by an ex. However, I felt there were things that needed to be said & because I see him throughout the week during work hours, we needed to resolve some uncomfortable tensions- this will continue to be painful but I want our progress to be gentle with each other.
    I miss him & feel so connected with his soul & his pain, we really are similar in our wounded hearts.
    Thanks for your perspective!

    April 27, 2016 at 7:38 am #102888
    Cynthia Brossard
    Participant

    After a year I am still struggling with memories of someone like you. Luckily I blundered into “Adult Attachment Theory” which explains that some adults have a tiny reservoir for intimacy which fills up really fast. They like to attach to adults with a huge reservoir for intimacy because then they can justify to themselves that relationships are too much trouble. And dump their victim. This all happens at a subconscious level so they’re not aware of it. And don’t take responsibility.

    Leave him alone. Forget tidying up the loose ends. Be cordial and cooperative at work but get out of his life. Never mind how he is doing. You are not his friend.

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