Home→Forums→Relationships→i broke it off but still want him in my life
- This topic has 4 replies, 4 voices, and was last updated 8 years, 8 months ago by
Cynthia Brossard.
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April 25, 2016 at 6:09 pm #102734
mullyParticipanti am confused.
was seeing a fella for a couple of months (had crush on him for about a year) but i began to feel suffocated as we got closer due to his different personality type needing more attention than i’m comfortable with.
i broke it off & he was devastated. he works near me so i see him several times a week during work hours which has made it difficult for both of us “moving on”.it’s been almost a month & we spoke for the first time 2 days ago. after i’d been texting & calling him , concerned about his well-being. i needed to let him know i still cared for him and am open to being friends if he wants it & when he is ready. he’d been ignoring me & it was weighing on my heart but he finally returned my call & he vented all his sadness & pain. it felt good to have this conversation with him & a weight lifted.
i was missing his voice so much & now i want to spend time with him again after hearing him on the phone & hearing how he’s been struggling….
what is going on? any outside perspective?
i’m not sure i’m helping or harming?
he said he couldn’t be friends with someone he fell in love with but it also sounded like he wanted to meet with me…April 25, 2016 at 7:35 pm #102748
AnonymousGuestDear mulza:
At this point, if I was you, I would do some serious thinking before I proceed because you may be hurting him a lot if you are careless in the near future. If you’d like to do some of your thinking on this thread, please do.
You wrote that he needed more attention than you are comfortable with.
Question: what kind of attention did he need? Did he want to see you too often, for too long every time? What was the nature of the attention?
Another question: what kind of a personality type are you in regard to attention and closeness to others?
anita
April 26, 2016 at 5:12 am #102769
InkyParticipantHi mulza,
The hardest part (for me) after a breakup was when they’d call you to see how you “are”.
Just when you’re dealing with reality and coming to terms with it, “they” call. Maddening!
They do not call to see how you “are”. They call to assuage their own guilt.
Please leave this guy alone for at least a year ~ for his sake. Then maybe, just maybe, have a regular conversation with him.
If you miss the sound of his voice, imagine how he feels. Sorry so harsh!
Best,
Inky
April 26, 2016 at 9:46 am #102784mullyParticipantYes, I agree inky! I know logically to back off because I have also been the one in his shoes & had my stability disrupted by an ex. However, I felt there were things that needed to be said & because I see him throughout the week during work hours, we needed to resolve some uncomfortable tensions- this will continue to be painful but I want our progress to be gentle with each other.
I miss him & feel so connected with his soul & his pain, we really are similar in our wounded hearts.
Thanks for your perspective!April 27, 2016 at 7:38 am #102888
Cynthia BrossardParticipantAfter a year I am still struggling with memories of someone like you. Luckily I blundered into “Adult Attachment Theory” which explains that some adults have a tiny reservoir for intimacy which fills up really fast. They like to attach to adults with a huge reservoir for intimacy because then they can justify to themselves that relationships are too much trouble. And dump their victim. This all happens at a subconscious level so they’re not aware of it. And don’t take responsibility.
Leave him alone. Forget tidying up the loose ends. Be cordial and cooperative at work but get out of his life. Never mind how he is doing. You are not his friend.
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