I am losing the hope that I will ever find someone who loves me truly

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This topic has 11 replies, 8 voices, and was last updated 10 years, 3 months ago by NehaMehra.

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July 12, 2014 at 11:19 am #60724

little dreamy
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I was in relationship with a guy for almost 1 and half year. It was a long distance relationship but i was very much involved, I loved him very much, he said he loved me too. I am 26 and he is 21 now. we shared many intimate moments over calls and had a lot of fun exchanging pictures etc. So after a year and half when I was going through a rough time regarding my job conditions, he started ignoring me. I missed him too much so I kept calling and tried to reach him through even his friend who was my facebook friend, his friend said he told him but later on when we talked my boyfriend said that guy was jeopardizing the relation. He later told me that now he was in relationship with a girl in his hometown that his friends had introduced to him just now. later on my friend who lives in same city told me that he had been going out with her for last many months while he was in relation with me too. That broke me badly as at that time i was physically sick and very weak too. I yearned for him but didn’t contact him. One day I had to be hospitalized and by then i was totally out of contact with him. I posted something about my hospitalization on facebook and my x sent me friend request but i didn’t respond to it as i felt it wasn’t necessary. Later on I did talk to him and he said he missed me and that his new girl friend is a dumb school girl and she don’t understand him, that I was the one he felt comfortable with and loved from his heart. I felt happy and I accepted. He said he d broken up with his new girl. But he rarely talked to me, he would be busy watching tv or playing games but he won’t talk with me at all, and whenever we talked it was about him or sex chat or so. It put me off and I said to him he isn’t treating me right, if he really loves me he should consider my side. I asked him to come and meet me since i was sick and can’t travel long distances, then he told lets be friends till we meet, i will wait for you. I felt like it was wrong but i said ok. needless to say that we had stopped talking totally again, i waited but his message never came. 30 days later when i asked if we are even friends since we don’t talk at all, and he talked nicely with me, again singing all the nice things, how i was the one who got him the best etc, later in our talks he diverted to sex chat and sexy pictures. I just wished him goodnight and slept. Again next day he talked with me in same manner, i asked him straight if he loved me or is just having fun?? After a lot of blaming on me he told that he was back with his new girl and he told “i can not make you both happy” .. I was devastated by that time. It broke something inside me.

After this incident in my life, i met a lot of nice guys who likes me or wants to be with me. I even got in relation with a guy but I broke his heart by saying that i wasn’t ready. To be true, i am still not ready. I am lost and depressed about the feelings of love.. I want it but I am so effing scared. I am trying my best to move on and have a happy life but sometimes his thoughts cross my mind and i feel disgusted. how do i restore my faith in love? Is there anyone out there who has felt totally broken/helpless and then found someone real? someone really true? :/ 🙁 my parents want me to marry but i don’t feel like arranged marriage is my thing. what should i do?

July 12, 2014 at 11:36 am #60726
little dreamy
Participant
I don’t know how to edit this question. But i want to add that, I don’t wish to change what happened, sometimes it pains awefully too much and i wish i could change it or die, but than i get up and feel like it will work out. But in last so many months, I don’t know of a single place that I have not cried at while his thoughts ran rampant in my mind and his pictures played like movies in my heart. I miss him. I know it maybe stupid but i do. It is so hard to even think that the guy i loved so much for so long has turned into a person who doesn’t care about me anymore. He promised he will not leave me, he won’t break me, i don’t understand why he did it? Why doesnt he care anymore? It’s hard to even think about him being with other girl, doing things that we talked about etc etc (I cant even type those plans, i don;t know how.its so painful) 🙁 I feel so lost. It’s like I can’t trust any guy.

When he came back to me after the break up he told me he went to that girl because she was more beautiful and she was younger. he felt i would be old by the time we can marry ie 4 5 years later. He told me he liked her for her looks alone and otherwise not much. He told he kissed her and gropped her in places and I felt irked by it but I let it go. But he broke up with her twice to get back to me but every time he acted like an ass and then got back with his new girlfriend. It made me feel worthless as he wouldn’t even try to stay with me but he would run and go for her. I was sick and this stuff made me even more sick mentally. I felt like this is it, i don;t think i can ever be loved truly madly deeply. yes I am quite sensitive person and I do feel the need of being loved. But I am so scared now that I feel like not giving it a chance.

HELP ME PLEASE
- This reply was modified 10 years, 8 months ago by little dreamy.
July 12, 2014 at 7:26 pm #60739

Anonymous
Inactive

@littledreamy, have you and this guy ever met in person?

I am just going to give you my own opinion based on what you wrote, but I could be totally wrong. You said at some point he stopped talking to you, told you he had a new girlfriend, broke up with her, got back with her, barely talked to you unless it was for sex chat or sending sexy pictures… Well, I do believe this guy has been playing with you all along. It doesn’t matter what he promised you or told you about a possible future together, there were just lies. Actions speak louder than words. How has he shown you he actually loved you beside telling you “I love you”? If he truly cared about your feelings, he wouldn’t have acted the way he did, told you he got back with his girlfriend because “she was more beautiful and younger”.
Please realize your worth and open your eyes and know that you deserve SO MUCH BETTER than someone who treats you like that. There is nothing wrong with wanting to feel and be loved, we all do! This guy is a jerk and has been treating you badly, and maybe it will take time for you to get back up and realize you CAN and WILL be loved, “truly, madly, deeply” like you said. Someday you will find someone who will treat you and love you the way you deserve to be treated and loved, but don’t ever look for love. It will find you when the time is right.

And I am sorry if my post makes you mad or hurts you, but like I said it is only my opinion and I could be completely wrong about the whole situation…

Emmanuelle

July 13, 2014 at 12:45 am #60751

Anonymous
Inactive

Hey little dreamy,

Can i be a bit frank with you? Was this guy your first relationship virtually or your first real life one? It seems that you have mistaken a sexual flirtation and infatuation for love. An endless energy has been expended on your part for someone you have never met and has not even made the slightest real step to be with you. Why all this trouble? And now that its finally over and you are picking up the pieces that this person on the internet left for you (no more deep talks on phone, sex talks, distractions, flirting), the vulnerabilities of a real life relationship are making you question the very existence of love.

Lets be fair – Not every guy is an asshole and you have to stop being so shit scared about it. If you want to receive love, you have to learn to live with the fear of getting hurt too. That is not easy when you have already been hurt but believe me, just be careful this time. He was having fun with you and didnt have the balls to take you seriously. But tell me something very practically, what were you expecting from a 21 year old dude on the internet? Life-long love and commitment, till death do us apart? Yeah you have been silly and i am not going to beat around the bush about.

Just dont stop living because of the mistake you made with this guy. Get over it. Only you can do. I was with someone for 5.5 years and he broke my heart to shreds – it wasnt online but it was devastating. Eventually i did come across my current bf through an online route (not a dating website though, funny story) and i will tell you what – we met after that soon to confirm if this was indeed real and we will move to the same city soon so that we can know each other even more closely. Its been almost a year and he has stuck with me, been responsible. Every guy isnt the same and stories are different. After the last one ended so badly, i lost hope but i found it again in the most unexpected place.

When a guy really wants to make something work, he will make it happen. That is what i learned from the love of my life right now. All is not lost but you need to pick yourself up and move on – the best relationships begin with friendship.

Think about it 🙂

Regards,
Moon

July 13, 2014 at 1:10 am #60752

elahe
Participant

hi dear friend
I am so sorry for your bad experience. I had the same relationship 3 years ago. We were not in the same city. My boy friend was not a bachelor man, he hide this topic of me. He has lied to me for one and half years. He said to me to marry with me and introduce me to his family while he had wife and child. When I found the facts, I broke up with him. Of course later I continued my relationship with him a short time bcz I loved him and couldn’t forget him and replace someone instead of him but that relationship didn’t relax me so forgot him forever. I understand you very well but it is better to clean your past and don’t think it. Sometimes a break is a good experience for people. We must learn not to rely to anyone especially when that man is away from us.
Time can fix everything and will help you.

July 13, 2014 at 2:03 am #60754

coolcorriander
Participant

Little Dreamy…

*hugs*

Ok, he sounds like a not a very nice person and I really think you need to stay well away from him. This break up sounds like blessing in disguise indeed.

Relationship should be two way street and it’s NOT always about sex. And talking about sex, it’s pictures and sex chat… babes, this is not a real relationship.

Please please pretty please… move on. Block him out and MOVE on! I know how painful a heartbreak can be, trust me I have been there. Dont give up on love.. dont give on hope and for now.. just look after your self, your inner self.

Devoted 6months to a year just to look after Little Dreamy! Go to the gym, have healthy foood, hang out with your friends.

Love will come again when the time is right.

Chin up girl!

Much love xo

July 13, 2014 at 4:22 am #60757

Inky
Participant

Good Morning!

You know that girls mature faster than boys, right? Well, you are a mature 26 year old and he is an immature 21 year old. He is not the man he is destined to be yet. He is literally Half Baked. Instead of pining for him, I would tell him that he is just a school boy and that you’ll contact him when he’s 30.

Of course, 9 years from now you will be in a different Universe altogether!

But this way you are acting like the grown up you are, putting him in his place, taking control of the relationship/”relationship”, and mending your heart.

No more tears. He’s just a boy.

July 13, 2014 at 1:03 pm #60782

dreamer
Participant

dear little dreamy,

I completely understand your situation because I have been through the same thing and it took me eight years before realizing that he was cheating on me and lying to me the whole time. I am just a year older than you are. I was in a long distance relationship for almost 4 and half years and before that I was in a relationship with the same guy for four years. I loved him more than I loved myself and gave him my best in all aspects. As you mentioned, whenever I visited my home country, all that he wanted from me was sex. He never bothered to ask how I was or how things are in my life. He was very disrespectful, emotionally abusive, rude, short tempered, no kind words, no hugs, no cuddles except for I want sex which fortunately I denied. He told me that his parents don’t like me because I am not good looking, I am skinny, I am dark complected, I am not giving him any kind of sexual pleasure. I was so depressed, lost myself, lost my confidence, lost my self esteem, isolated myself from everyone and I felt like a loser because of all the words he said to me. So, I know how disgusting it feels everytime that person crosses your mind. He was extremely controlling, possessive, doubted me every single day and my life was nothing but a hopeless mess for eight years. He would break up with me and come back to me when he wanted money or some material things and I have literally lost count of how many times he has done that. I can’t believe I was so gullible all these years to all the lies he weaved. I was so deeply and madly in love with him that I was completely heartbroken, din’t want to see him or guys at all.

But then I realized that it’s my life and I shouldn’t get bitter just because one person din treat me right. I decided that I don’t want to waste anymore precious time thinking about him or all the wrong he did to me. I know I should let it all go not for his sake but for my own peace and happiness. There are plenty of gentlemen out there who will love you for who you are and treat you right. Be thankful that you did not marry him to discover later that he did not deserve you. You would be more devastated if that would have happened. It’s a blessing in disguise. Thinking about him and being depressed won’t take you anywhere in life. Just think about him, he found someone and he is happy with no regrets in life. Why should you cry for him. It’s time that you enjoy and live your life too. You have something much much better in store for you and that is the reason things did not work out with a loser like him. Trust me girl, you will find a man who will love you with all his heart. I am in the same situation as you and all I am doing is hoping and praying that I find my man when the time is right. Now, I am focusing completely on my life and not living a life that he wanted me to live. Hang out with your friends, go out and do things you enjoy doing, go to a spa, groom yourself, have a positive self talk for a few minutes everyday, try something fun and interesting which you always wanted to do, be happy and lastly smile 🙂 because you are you for a reason and nobody can be you. You are beautiful just the way you are :). You know what, I had a photo shoot recently just for fun and each and every person who saw my pics told me I am gorgeous and beautiful and I should try modeling ;). So, don’t let one person who has lost his brains decide your beauty or life. Be patient with yourself and life honey. There are plenty of books which will uplift your spirit and motivate you, get into the habit of reading. God has nothing but the best for you. The man of your dreams is out there somewhere, you just haven’t crossed paths yet. I am sure he will come in to your life soon and you will be happier than ever. Savor every moment of your life. May god bless you. Keep SMILING coz you never know who will fall in love with you and your smile 🙂

July 18, 2014 at 4:06 am #61197

little dreamy
Participant

It was honestly the best answer on here. Thanks for that. 🙂 I am recovering pretty well now.

July 18, 2014 at 4:08 am #61198

little dreamy
Participant

I hope you are much happier now 🙂 Thanks for the answer. I really appreciate that you took time to tell me about your story as well.

July 18, 2014 at 6:56 pm #61234

dreamer
Participant

You are welcome dear :). I shared my story just so that you know that there are a lot more people out there who are in the same boat as you are. When they can come out of it and be happy then so can we. I wish you the best 🙂

January 5, 2015 at 10:42 am #61719

NehaMehra
Participant

You don’t need to find someone to love you, you are a beautiful person and you understand someone, that guy is nothing but a player who can’t be faithful. Look at yourself, you are good girl and you have done great things for him but he never did so girl that’s his loss not yours. Don’t go back to him because he doesn’t deserve you, god is keeping him away from you for some reason so let it be and move on and one more thing, that was not love what you were feeling for him. He knew the art of making you feel special and that is something you miss the most and it can only be replaced if you date someone. Yes dating someone can get you off from your old feelings because as of now you really need to focus on yourself and move on.Be with someone who makes you happy babe,not stress you out 🙂 Good luck and i am glad to know that you are feeling better.
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