Hi everyone,

It’s  my first time posting. I came here because I like the insightful advice given. I’ll try to keep it brief.

I was together with a man for about a year. It had been a long time since I had had a boyfriend, and I was deeply in love with him. About a year ago, he broke up with me suddenly, saying “You knew that it wasn’t going to work out”. I was devastated, as there hadn’t been any arguments, or anything leading to the break-up (in my mind).

Some weeks passed, and after having not really spoken to him, I decided I was ready to go see him, and collect my things. He apologized profusely for hurting me, and said he really missed me. The next day he sent me a message saying he wanted to talk soon about things. We were in touch a bit, until, about a week later, he wrote me a message saying he had a girlfriend(!).

I’m not sure at what point he got the girlfriend, although he denies having her when he was telling me he missed me. We live in a small town, so I was forced to see them all loved up for months. I did my best to ignore him. When I felt like I was over it, we started speaking here and there, mainly if we ran into each other. He sent me some messages here and there, saying that he missed  me, or how great I looked (still while with this girl).

A month or so ago, we were in the same place as one another. One drunken thing led to another, and we ended up sleeping together. I’m not proud of this. I am very much against sleeping with someone’s SO. But it happened. Also that night, he told me he was still in love with me, missed me so much, but didn’t know how to get out of his relationship with this girl. I told him I didn’t have feelings anymore, and drunken sex does not make a reconciliation.

I know the girl he is with. I wouldn’t say we are friends, but we have close mutual friends. After thinking about it for a few days, I decided to tell her what went on. If it just had been drunken sex, I wouldn’t have said anything. I know it sounds strange after I slept with her boyfriend, but I put myself in her shoes. She has put him on a pedestal, just like I had. He’s going around telling his exes that he is still in love with them, and she has no clue. I didn’t expect her to believe me, but she did. In fact, she said she had suspicions that he had been cheating with other girls. She thanked me, and wanted to continue the conversation at some other point.

That point never came, because they got back together. He ended up having to confess about the drunken one night, although saying I “seduced” him and he had no recollection of anything (right). He flat out lied about having ever told me he missed me, or that he was still in love with me. He convinced her it was the other way around, that I was still in love with him. Then he used every opportunity to be all over her in front of me, almost to say “I won”.

I never expected them to break up after what I had told her. It’s hard to believe that the person you love is a lying scumbag. And I told her that. But I also told her that I was once where she is, putting him at such a high place, and he REALLY doesn’t deserve to be there. My issue now, as petty as it sounds, is I can’t stop feeling this hatred towards him for lying, and getting away with lying. He’s become the perfect boyfriend, to show everyone that he couldn’t possibly be a liar, and that I am the deranged one. I’m not as shocked by his behaviour as I am about how disgusted I am. I want to go back to a place where his lies- or any of his actions- don’t affect me.

Any advice is much appreciated. I would also appreciate putting judgement aside, as I know it wasn’t right for me to sleep with someone’s boyfriend. Thank you!