Dear abubin:

Congratulations for doing what I believe was the right thing to do, ending that relationship.

“how do I stop thinking about her at night when I go to bed?”-

My answer, at this point: do not try to not think about her. Relax your fear of thinking about her. When you think about her at night time, relax the fear attached to those thoughts. Let the thoughts be, let them come and go, come and stay. Let them be.

These thoughts are not dangerous. They are just thoughts, invisible activities in your brain. Nothing is happening outside of you when you have these thoughts.

We think all the time almost, when awake, many thousands of thoughts every day. These are just thoughts, nothing to be alarmed about.

anita

Lucid dreaming, you know what that is? If not you should look it up. There is a way to be able to remember your dreams every single night. Even better, you can know when you are actually dreaming, during this dream! You will be in a state where you experience your dreams the same way you experience being awake. If you are lucid (fully awareness while dreaming) you can do WHATEVER you want. There are exercises for remembering your dreams, these exercises involve thoughts right before you go to sleep. This very rewarding since you get to remember your dream the next day. This may look stupid to you, but this is what I when I can’t sleep because of bad thoughts. Also, this will make you fall asleep faster, it makes you tired to do these exercises.

Hi Abubin,

I’m trying to figure out the context of this relationship. Was this an online relationship? How long were you with her? Did you see her on a daily basis? If so, I am wondering why you broke up with her via text message instead of in person. I am wondering, if the reason you are thinking about her so much Is things left unsaid, no closure..and breaking up with someone over texting..instead of in person..

Hi Abubin,

I do remember this post now, and remember reading at that time with interest. I did not respond, as it would have been a late response to that thread, and you had received a lot of great advice. However, I am a bit confused, as that thread left or concluded with you thought that you knew that things with Debbie were not going to work out and you seemed fine, almost relieved of that..so now into this thread, you are experiencing a great deal of pain, anger and unable to sleep and just trying to figure things out. I thought you were okay with things being “over” with her.

In your last post, you are very angry saying she has placed you on “low priority” but in reading your prior posts from February this is how she has always treated you. I do believe she (like you mentioned) has some type of mental health issue that has not been resolved, making it impossible to give you, what she is unable. Please don’t be angry. She is in need of Psychotherapy, medication, etc..and not getting what she needs to have any type of close relationship with anyone at this time. Please don’t be angry with her. It will serve no purpose or healing on your part, and keep you stuck in this cycle of “she is good” “she is bad” thinking. It may be time to perhaps seek quality Therapy for these deep intense emotions you are experiencing.

Hi Abubin,

I don’t feel it is wrong in any way to feel intense emotion and in a way it can be healthy. However, my Dad, who was a very wise man said that it is when we let anger (resentment, guilt, envy, shame) keep a hold of us for a length of time it eats away at our insides. It makes us cynical, bitter people. Who wants to go around in life holding onto anger when there is so much beauty in this world that we are losing out on, when we are holding onto feelings that are no longer serving a purpose? You have been holding onto this anger for quite a long time, and it has got a grip on you, it has to have a place to go, or it will eat away at you. Don’t you want to see what is right around the corner? When we are holding onto anger and other feelings that No longer benefit us, we fail to see what might be right in front of us. Sometimes we just have to tell anger “okay anger, I have had enough of you!! I have been holding onto you too long. Write a letter, don’t mail it..just get it out once and for all, or it will poison you, and make you very cynical. I know people who like my Dad said have harbored anger and grudges so long, they are no longer the people they used to be. No one wants to be around an angry person all the time. Yes, anger is good, but up to a point, but when you let it fester, and fester, it will slowly eat away at you. It’s not healthy. You have been unhappy and angry too long. That is why I feel that you would benefit from help and guidance from a counseled trained in this. It’s time to let go of something that has gotten a hold of us for way too long, so I will have to respectfully disagree with the poster above. I hope everything works out for you, and you can find that special someone, but unless the anger goes, you will not find beauty, only bitterness. No one should live like this. Take care of yourself and your health..

• This reply was modified 6 years, 12 months ago by Eliana.