Bodhisatva,

Its OK to have aggressive thoughts toward others. When we have clinging to events, such as the opportunities you were frustrated that you didn’t get to take, its natural to be unsettled by them. As you continue to let go of the clinging, the jealous thoughts stop arising.

One of the qualities of a bodhisattva is equanimity. This is often visualized as a lighthouse shining on a shoreline. When the sea is calm and the night quiet, there it rests shining its light. When the sea is stormy and the night raging, there it rests shining its light. With only having a few months of intention behind your stability, it is very usual and natural to not be quite that consistently radiant. It doesn’t undermine the work you’ve been doing, they’re just thoughts. Try not to buy into them… they don’t have to define who you become, they are a result of who you were.

Do you do metta? Consider choosing one of the difficult people as your benefactor of metta, it will help with the mental agitation surrounding them. If you dont intentionally cultivate metta, consider trying! Namaste.

With warmth,
Matt

Bodhi,

Consider doing metta in the morning, as the momentum of your day can be influenced. It sounds like an eruption of mental agitation that you observed and did nothing with. When we notice that we are in a foul mood, that is a great time to find a cushion and do something about it.

One Buddhist teacher said we have to eat happy meat. For instance, factory farmed chickens have to have their beaks and feet clipped or they will claw and peck each other to death. How angry must they be! Not only do they suffer, which is sad, but we eat that meat. I stopped eating non free range meat some time ago, and find my body settles easier. If its because my conscious is more clear or I do not ingest anger in my food, either way.

That being said, eating habits do not make or break your inner peace… that is between you, your butt, and your cushion. Namaste.

With warmth,
Matt