How to create a connected afternoon

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This topic has 12 replies, 6 voices, and was last updated 5 years, 4 months ago by Emilia.

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August 14, 2019 at 12:58 pm #307911

Emilia
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Good evening!

I was wondering if anyone had advice on evening rituals. To start, I have a morning ritual that always leaves me feeling connected to the divine. I make myself I cozy drink, sit comfortable on my couch, wait for the sun to rise, journal, pray, sometimes make time for reading or yoga or meditation if the time allows. This always sets me up for a beautiful day. For some reason though, as the evening comes along and the work day is over, I always have a harder time feeling connected which often creates anxiety. I find myself scrolling through my phone and finding annoyance in everything around me. Afternoons are usually also the only time I have with my dog and boyfriend, but they unfortunately aren’t getting the best version of me. I know of things I can do in the evenings, I just can’t seem to find the motivation. Probably because I’m tired by then? I don’t know. Anyone else experience this or have advice?

With love,

Emi

August 14, 2019 at 5:02 pm #307945

Michelle
Participant

HI Emi I can relate to this very well. I find myself arriving home from work (or even just coming to the end of the day at home) and noticing all that I should be doing before I “let myself” relax for the day. This can create tension in me and between my partner and I, especially if he is ready to relax and I am still go, go, go. I have learnt to create transition rituals for myself (those rituals especially to help us shift gear from one role to another). My favourite is a soak in the bath. As I run the bath and undress I mentally review my day and its achievements/successes. I practice mindfulness in acknowledging the opportunities and kindness towards myself in dealing with the challenges. The sound and warmth of the water can be very soothing and I also sometimes listen to a meditation podcast on my phone. Before I exit the bath I also think about something nice to do for the evening.

August 15, 2019 at 4:24 am #308077

Jeroen
Participant

Hi Emi to honour the day you are about to close is a great practice to go through the day and remind yourself of being grateful for 3 things you experienced that particular day. It could be anything from the guy who served you coffee that day at Starbucks or a family member who reached out to you that day. I think the last hour before you go to sleep and the first hour you wake up are the most important parts of the day. I always treasure these ‘time frames’….Being grateful is a beautiful state you could be in and attracts all kind of good vibes! Best of luck and namaste.

August 15, 2019 at 9:23 am #308105

Emilia
Participant

Michelle- I, too, can relate to the feeling of go, go, go before being able to settle. I definitely will try incorporating transition rituals. This will be simple and easily accessible, but transformative. I know something like a bath, meditation, yoga, etc. would be wonderful. The hard part is getting there. I suppose I can bring myself to do it, even if I’m not really feeling like it, and eventually it will become part of my routine, just like my mornings.
Jeroen- I love how you mentioned the first hour and last hour of our day as being the most important. I treat my first hour as sacred, but my last hour is nothing but. I find myself eating garbage in front of the tv, scrolling through my phone, etc. until it’s time for me to go to sleep. Like I mentioned to Michelle, I know what you mentioned could be a beautiful and transformative practice for me, but the hard part will be actually bringing myself to do it. With persistence, though, eventually it can become a part of my routine.
Thank you both for the insight 🙂

August 20, 2019 at 1:09 am #308671
Kevin
Participant
Hi Emilia … I have a mentally taxing job .. so I have that problem of losing connectedness as the day progresses.

I tend to punctuate my day with what my young guru calls “M&Ms” … Tiny meditation breaks (M&M == Mindful Moment, Momentary Meditation) .. only 10 to 15 breaths in duration, they serve as brief moments of re-connection… Each time I wait for the kettle to boil as I make my Sensha tea I take a 2 minute mindful break at the kettle … nothing in the world except me and the water, boiling into steam and merging wiht the air … M&Ms are so flexible you can do them at any time and in any situation where you have about 30 seconds to a minute .. (and who can honestly say they don’t have at least 2 or 3 one-minute “moments” during even the busiest day when they could “M&M”)

As a result, I don’t feel so disconnected when I finish and go home, and around 8pm I round off the day with a prayer of gratitude for the skills and attributes I have used today, and for the day itself and all it contained, and follow that with a 20 -30 minute meditation on the connectednes of all things .. “seeing the space between”

Love and Light

K
- This reply was modified 5 years, 4 months ago by Kevin.
- This reply was modified 5 years, 4 months ago by Kevin.
August 20, 2019 at 9:36 am #308741

Peggy
Participant

Hi Emilia,

Not sure how the structure of your day goes and why you would think that your boyfriend and dog aren’t getting the best of you in the afternoons. We are all capable of getting annoyed and it’s an unrealistic expectation that you can be happy, happy, happy come what may. We are all connected which means we connect to negative emotions as well as positive ones.

If you are not motivated to complete tasks in the evening, it might be worth writing a list so that you can prioritize what needs to be done the next day then set it aside whilst you get on with that very important task of relaxing.

Peggy

August 20, 2019 at 3:54 pm #308775

Emilia
Participant

K- I love the idea of short meditations throughout the day. I will definitely give that a try and see how that changes my evenings once the work day is done.

Peggy- I work with young children with developmental disabilities, and I give them so much of my energy that when I come home I feel like I’m in a haze, which often leaves me feeling annoyed or too tired, etc. It’s always a good reminder that we all feel negative emotions because we’re human, and that’s okay. 🙂 as for lists, I live off of lists and it really helps me to organize myself so that my brain doesn’t feel so scattered. Definitely a life saver for me!

August 20, 2019 at 11:33 pm #308789

Jane
Participant

Last winter I was reading a lot about the science of sleep and how important sleep is to our lives.

I worked on a routine of checking the time of sunset, and one hour before reminded myself that the night was coming. This taught me the importance of recognising the coming of rest, so I put away the business of the day as much as possible.

Then, one thing I learned was to set an alarm for one hour before bedtime- we set alarms for waking but not for sleeping and unless we are ready, sleep does not come.

After this bedtime alarm I switch off all phones, tv etc, and gradually dim the lights to let my body know sleep is coming.

Then, I get ready for bed- have a warm drink and change my clothes, again, to make a gradual transition into sleep.

When in bed I read for a short time until my eyes become heavy and then I turn off my lamp and snuggle down.

Finally, I say a short prayer of gratitude to God for my bed, the roof over my head, the food I’ve eaten and the people I’ve met- it continues into gratitude for my health, but I rarely get any further….zzz

Recently, my routine has been thrown out and I realise it is because I am no longer tuned in to my evening slow down- so thank-you for reminding me how important it is!

August 21, 2019 at 12:36 am #308793
Kevin
Participant
“I work with young children with developmental disabilities, and I give them so much of my energy that when I come home I feel like I’m in a haze, which often leaves me feeling annoyed or too tired, etc.”

It is a common syndrome amongst people dedicated to the well-being of others for them to give out care and nurture without thinking about their own needs. From what you say, seems to me that you might be this sort of person .. someone who wears herself out every day for the sake of the other people. If you have no time or energy for yourself, how can you give it to others?

I am not suggesting that you stop caring. I suggest that you withold some of that love especially for yourself. An “M&M” whenever possible, positive and loving affirmations, and allowing yourself to bathe in the love your charges show to you are good ways to “recharge your love batteries”.

When you take time for an M&M allow your true inner voice to tell you:
- In-breath – “I am breathing in love, light and energy”
- Hold – 2 seconds – “I am bathing in love and light”
- Out-Breath – “I am breathing out tension, tiredness and negativity”
August 21, 2019 at 1:04 am #308799

Peggy
Participant

Hi Emilia,

I have a close family member who is severely disabled and I have immense respect for those teachers and carers who interact with her. When she left her last school, she was given a photo album full of all the different experiences she had had in their care with comments attached from members of staff. They nearly all remarked how they would miss her beautiful smile. One was even generous enough to remark that she had learned from Sophie and that she could go on to be a better teacher because of her. WOW! You are doing a fantastic job – don’t ever forget that.

Because my office bound job involved a lot of sitting, I developed the ‘photocopier hop and bop’ to get my energies circulating.

You sound like you are being emotionally drained – reminding yourself to breathe deeply as suggested by Kevin is a good way to re-energize and if you can interact with laughter this is a great stress buster too.

Peggy

August 24, 2019 at 12:33 pm #309169

Emilia
Participant

Jane- your bedtime routine sounds so beautiful and cozy. Mine is really anything but- usually TV until I fall asleep. I’ve been trying to stray away from my phone during the evenings before bed, which I have been better about. I think tonight I will try reading instead of TV. I love to read, but often find myself saying I don’t have time. But I do! I just dedicate that time to some things that feel a little bit more unhealthy for me at the end of my day. Thank you for sharing!

Kevin- I would say yes, I often give so much of myself to others that I don’t give myself the love that I need. Your message was a great reminder to continue to show others love, but never at the expense of myself. Maybe that’s why it’s so easy for my to care for myself in the mornings, but not in the evenings. Like, the morning in a fresh start, but I empty my cup and have nothing left to give to myself by the end of the day. That’s something really interesting to think about!

Peggy- thank you for saying that! I do feel very rewarded by my work. My kids are a big motivation for me in so many ways. Just like Sophie’s teacher told her, I feel that I learn so much about being a teacher and about life in general from my students. They truly are precious to me. 🙂

August 25, 2019 at 1:41 am #309201

Peggy
Participant

Hi Emilia,

Thank you for your feedback. You are truly special to your students as well. Keep giving and receiving all that love you have. When you get home from work, make a point of washing your hands and splashing your face as a way of cutting off from your working life and refreshing yourself for your home life.

You are truly appreciated.

Peggy

August 25, 2019 at 5:29 am #309203

Emilia
Participant

Peggy- thank you for your kind words. They are appreciated! Washing my hands and splashing my face is a simple ‘transition ritual’ that I can easily incorporate into my day!
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