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How to become responsible for your own happiness?

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  • October 29, 2019 at 8:30 am #320385
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Harshita:

    Based on your previous thread and this one, the reason “everything feels like a mistake” is that you feel badly, like something is wrong. And this feeling has been persistent for quite a while. But it doesn’t mean that everything really is wrong.

    Something is wrong, but not everything. We have to be careful about not making significant choices based on how we feel without understanding the true message behind what we feel.

    For example, you felt “a sense of security” with a man who kept you hanging (previous thread), as if you “didn’t have to worry about anything”- again, with a man who dumped you repeatedly. What is the message in these feelings regarding this man? –

    –not that the man has provided you with real security or that there is security for you if you get involved with him again.

    -but that you have been feeling insecure, unsafe, scared and you desperately need someone to make you feel better.

    Don’t abandon “the great opportunities that (you) have” for a mistaken understanding of the message behind your unhappiness.

    In your previous thread you wrote: “A few years back, I was  very strong person”- were you a very strong person as a child, living at home with your parents?

    anita

    October 29, 2019 at 9:22 am #320391
    Peter
    Participant

    Hi Harshita
    With regards to the question: How to become responsible for your own happiness. I really like today’s blog

    https://tinybuddha.com/blog/happiness-fun-blog/i-spent-years-looking-for-happiness-in-the-wrong-places/

    October 29, 2019 at 9:50 am #320395
    Harshita
    Participant

    Dear Anita,

    I have been living independently for past 8 years now. So it was not when i used to live with my parents and i wasn’t a child. But clearly after reading this i feel i am acting like a child at the moment, which is trust me, very frustrating for myself as well.

    October 29, 2019 at 10:17 am #320399
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Harshita:

    I didn’t express myself clearly in the last two lines of my recent post. I didn’t mean to suggest that you are “acting like a child”. I will try to explain myself better: it is my experience that what we feel now as adults is often what we felt as children. Therefore I am thinking that your distress presently, feeling unsafe and insecure and having been desperate for a man who provided you with nothing stable and safe, has to do with a childhood where you were and felt unsafe.

    In my life there were periods of time when I felt strong and independent, but each such time ended with the return of my childhood experience which was anxiety and a desperate need to be rescued and helped.

    anita

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