Home→Forums→Emotional Mastery→How to become nonjudgmental and appreciate people for what they truly are
- This topic has 4 replies, 3 voices, and was last updated 6 years, 6 months ago by  Mark. Mark.
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April 6, 2019 at 8:44 am #287887 JoeParticipant JoeParticipantI feel like I am constantly judging people, and I hate myself for that. Judging them on the basis of their looks, social life, intelligence, wittiness, confidence. I feel like Im really good at finding the little bad things bout people and sometimes get stuck on that. I want to change being that way for two reasons: – because I hold myself at a really high standard (higher than the one for other people) -because I feel like Im not able to appreciate people April 6, 2019 at 8:46 am #287889 JoeParticipant JoeParticipantAnd because I want to stop being a gigantic dick because no one is perfect April 7, 2019 at 7:29 am #287945 AnonymousGuest AnonymousGuestDear Joe: The “inner critic” is the voice in our brain that criticizes or judges ourselves. For example, your inner critic judges your nose as being the wrong nose to have (from your previous thread). The “outer critic” is the voice in our brain that criticizes or judges other people. An example would be: look at that person’s nose- it is the wrong nose to have! Often, when a person’s inner critic is very active, so is the person’s outer critic. It is the inner critic takes a break when the outer critic is speaking, a relief from self criticism. You asked: “how to become nonjudgmental and appreciate people for what they truly are”? My answer: by becoming nonjudgmental toward yourself and appreciate yourself for who you truly are. Of course it is easier said than done but still it is possible through sincere and persistent work over time. anita April 8, 2019 at 2:52 pm #288143 JoeParticipant JoeParticipantI agree with you on that, If I cant love myself then how will I be able to love others And there the real struggle is to learn how to love myself which I find so difficult to do. April 8, 2019 at 7:07 pm #288149 MarkParticipant MarkParticipantJoe, Here’s a suggestion on starting to love yourself. Everyday, write down three things that you appreciate about yourself. These could be things you did that day, qualities of yourself, etc. Make it a self-love journal. Also every morning look into the mirror and say “I love you.” Mark April 16, 2019 at 10:27 pm #289389 SalParticipant SalParticipantHi Joe I think you have found the answer yourself, by stating that, “– because I hold myself at a really high standard“.  The humility in that is knowing that we are no better or worse, we are just different. It’s ok, maybe, to hold to YOUR high standards but believe it is just for you and not reflect on other people’s standards. Accepting people for all their differences is a part of knowing that we are all evolving, and that no one is on the same ”level’ as we are. When I see ‘bad’ things done by others I have discernment in knowing that I don’t choose that “bad” thing for me. The bad is only from my own beliefs, conditioning, opinion, or judgements and i try to remember that. This allows everyone to ‘be’ who they choose. With the freedom to choose again, if it is not right. Hope this helps. Sal. 
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Though I run this site, it is not mine. It's ours. It's not about me. It's about us. Your stories and your wisdom are just as meaningful as mine.