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How to be myself in a relationship?

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  • January 1, 2016 at 6:33 am #91099
    Inky
    Participant

    Hi Girish,

    Oh, I’ve been there! You have the best time with someone, and then are plagued with doubts as soon as you get home!

    I think the remedy is to let things take their natural course, make a vow to yourself everyday that “No matter what, I will be unapologetically myself”, and to give it time.

    Then I predict two years later it will be as if you’ve never not known her, that she will be as comfortable as your favorite pair of jeans.

    Be simply You and let The Universe take care of the complexities ~ if any indeed exist!

    Blessings,

    Inky

    January 1, 2016 at 7:51 am #91105
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Girlish:

    Your thread is the first, I believe, the first 2016 thread on this forum. How exciting… to me.

    You feel comfortable when with your current girlfriend because you feel safe in her presence. When alone, you feel anxious because you lost that presence, that source of (temporary) safety.

    It is natural to feel safe with others … but if the anxiety of finding yourself alone again is too distressing, it means that there is a fear from long ago, a fear from childhood that is still in you, making itself known to you. The child part of you, the part that remembers being scared and alone long ago, it delivering a message to you: “I am scared and alone! Help me!”

    So you attend to that part in you, look her in the eyes with care, empathy and ask her gently: Tell me about it. Tell me what scares you.” And you hold her hand and listen. Let her tell you and if you would like, share it here, and I will kindly respond.

    anita

    January 3, 2016 at 11:27 am #91208
    Wanderer
    Participant

    Hi Girish,

    It helps me in any new relationship to avoid setting expectations for it. Just try to relax, and yes you must be yourself! If it’s meant to work, then your new partner will accept and appreciate you for who you really are. Try to remember that no one wants to be with someone that isn’t comfortable enough around them to be themselves. That might help you, looking at it from their P.O.V.

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