Hey,

I got out of a 5 year relationship in April last year, when I found out that my ex was cheating on me. I was kinda happy to hear that she was in the end because I had fallen out of love with her as well. The problem is that I gave up too much of myself to make that relationship work. I spent a lot of time molding myself into the kind of individual she wanted me to be and even though I should have just been myself, I kept modifying myself and kept growing to try to make it work. Now, after some time off where I got to spend time with myself and love myself as I am again, I have decided to start dating.

I met this girl two months ago and we clicked immediately and it seems quite fun at the moment. However, because of my previous serious relationship, I’m dying to find meaning in the relationship even though we have only known each other for two months. Of course, this means trying hard again to make it work and not just relaxing and let it happen. I also suffer from anxiety attacks and this isn’t helping as I’m constantly worried that I’ll do something that will piss the other person off or that I won’t measure up in some way. I know she really likes me and as long as it’s the two of us and very intimate, I immediately relax and am just myself. However, as soon as I leave her and go home, I start to think and panic because I feel that we are too different, I don’t want to hurt her if I don’t feel the same way as she does and that I am too scarred by my previous relationship to have a normal one.

I know most of this is just the anxiety speaking but how can I start dating normally again? Enjoy myself without getting too fussed about what the other person is thinking? How can I be comfortable with myself, yet be open to change? It’s driving me a little mad. I hope you can help. Thanks.