Hi Stuart,

I read your other post too. I will suggest you to start by jotting down what do you think what will make you happy.

Yes you have just been through the break up and initially its not going to be easy. It is understandable. But you will have to do this. For yourself. Especially during this time one lives too much in the head. So engage your mind by doing what’s satisfying, not what’s right. (Not alcohol, drugs, smoking and likewise). See what will least make you begin to feel happy, peaceful and joyful again. See what can you do for fun. What do you usually do to relax? What you normally do when you feel bored? Discover which activities are fun and engaging to you personally. These activities engage your mind and body the most, and they can take you into the present most effectively.

Eckhart has rightly said – “Wherever you go, there you are”. Wherever you go your mind will also go along with you and what’s on your mind at that moment will determine how you are feeling at that time. See that you don’t live too much in the head.

You can start by preparing a list and sticking it to your wall instead of asking the mind what do I next to make me happy. I had submitted these in another post and pasting them here.

Start to shift your mind by doing things where there is less or no interaction with other people….just in the beginning.

•  Go and watch the sunset or simply go to a beach  (sounds cliche but is really worth the visit)

• Go and buy something to eat for yourself that you like very much

• Go for a walk simply to a place where you have never been before.

Of course go to a safe and known place. Keep walking and walking just for the heck of it. No particular agenda in mind, no destination to go, just keep going. Once you are tired or feel like you have gone far then return back. Make sure that you know the road to return back :). This is a perfect thing to do to empty our minds.

•  Simply go to the roof, lie on your back, both hands under your head, and watch the sky

• Sit down and take ten deep breaths. Make these breaths absolutely conscious.

• Take a different route to your workplace. Just for the heck of it – for no reason at all

• Be still for a while

Sit somewhere in the greens or on a park bench, and be quiet for a few minutes. Nothing to do, nowhere to go. Simply sit.

• Inhale a fragrance that you like

Maybe Lavender or maybe Peppermint or maybe Rose……or whatever you like. Whatever that boosts your mood and makes you feel nice.

• Watch the sunrise

If you have watched the sunset (in #1); now for a change, wake up early on some morning and watch the sunrise too.

• Have a good and hearty laugh.

Put some YouTube videos that make you laugh and giggle or read a comic book if you like it that way

• Go alone to a museum or a gallery

• Become more conscious of your health

Add at least one healthy item in your breakfast, lunch, or dinner. Then add two. Continue as you wish.

• Stroke a pet

• Take a “self-spa” at home (or maybe even at an actual spa).

Take a long bath or shower, sit long in the tub if you prefer. Apply something of nice fragrance.

• Strike something off from your to-do list

Either something that you have been postponing for a long time or something that is easy and quick to do.

• Disconnect yourself for an hour

No phones, no messages, no social media, no emails, no internet.

• Shake yourself

Put your favorite track and dance your heck out of it. If you do not like dancing then simply put your favorite songs and listen to them.

The list is going to be endless and these are just starters. Prepare your own list.

“Happy people plan actions, they don’t plan results.”– Dennis Waitle

Make sure instead of focusing on the target (of being happy), focus on the process itself, and start enjoying the current moment.

~VJ

Dear Stuart,

I’m been single for a good long while and speak from my own experience and my observations from newly single people.

1. Give yourself time. The change from living in a relationship and sharing everything from toothpaste, emotional ups and down to bank accounts to living alone – as in really alone, where your home welcomes you empty every day, is gigantic. Just realizing that change and giving it room takes time.

2. Who are you? When you are in a relationship, we assimilate to each other. It is a part of our flock mentality, but now we call it the art of compromise. When you are single, you stand alone in your decisions. And you need to figure out what you want – for dinner, what kind of home you want to live in, what kind of couch to buy – and the big, scary stuff too. I see this as a kind of freedom. I get to choose what I like, so I have a white, unpractical couch.

3. Keep your sense of humor. I agree with the other answers to this thread, but will end that you shouldn’t take yourself to seriously. It’s okay to fumble – and fall. It’s okay to binge watch sports or whatever you fill like. It doesn’t mean you have to do it forever. Laugh a little of yourself and note the different facets of YOU that you will discover.

Happy trails!

Louise