Goodluck. I know your pain. It might not be the “Best way” to deal with it but when Im in a…place/time where I cant escape from it. I just pretend that Im in prison for that time and use it to remind me to never do anything bad enough in life to be sentenced to real prison. If you find a better way let me know 😉 I have yet to find it.

Hi raven11,

No one can argue with a tooth ache. I’m serious. The day of the event, make like you’re all ready to go and then go “DAMMIT!!” and “run to the dentist” and text once you’re “there” to go on without you. Cracked tooth, root canal, whatever. In reality you will be at a spa, having a well deserved massage.

Now, what you should also do is call/visit “his” side of the family, each individually. Tell them that there are rumors that you are abusive, and/or about your husband’s shenanigans, and that you don’t know what to do! Confide in them in a “what do you think I should do” kind of way. You have to get out from under this family mob mentality that you are the bad guy. Pick the weakest link and become their best friend. Next year, do this with the next weakest link. One day, at a funeral or something, BIL will be all, “How come everyone’s clustered around HER?” LOL

An easier thing to do, of course, is to shed your DH, but if you have kids I can see why you might not want to do that (yet).

Dear Raven:
I am struck by your strong sense of humor in facing unfortunate circumstances in the context of your marriage and in the context of your husband’s family. Two connected and yet separate issues. But your question is not about either. It is about the event. I like the dental schtick when suggested but your answer put that to rest. I also like the jail pretense and the insane assylum, including the diagnosing people with mental illnesses. Here is an idea: practice radical acceptance in the party- do not resist the pain, see how much of it you can endure without dissociating (right brain dissociation such as numbing or left brain dissociation such as obsessing/ thinking). Just BE there.
Take care:
anita

It is hard to survive an event with mean in laws or mean family. I just don’t go to events anymore, I refuse and avoid. I let my husband go alone or we both dont go unless its mandatory. We literally stopped going to things after a few years of marriage, its the best way to keep happy. Understand your MIL is unwell, just go visit her, no need to visit an event. Phone her daily. Going to an event and feeling uncomfortable is a bad feeling and I know it well. I hope that you can just avoid events completely because there is no point going somewhere where you feel you dont belong.