How do I deal with these people? I'm accused of being a "dreamer"

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This topic has 5 replies, 6 voices, and was last updated 9 years, 9 months ago by Dan Bukowski.

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July 1, 2015 at 8:14 pm #79107

Anonymous
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Dear bill:
You wrote “these people” in “either these people are right or I need a way of dealing with them.” But it is only that one “friend” of yours that has been telling you that his therapist and a mutual friend said this or that. It is only one person, that “friend.” You didn’t hear what in fact, if anything at all, his therapist said about you or what the mutual friend said, if anything at all.

Maybe it is only the “friend” trying to tell you something he doesn’t want to take responsibility for saying it himself, therefore he assigned the message to others. Maybe he is annoyed with your optimism or threatened by it because he feels safer in his pessimism…?

If your dream is to get a better job, a job you are good at that helps others and yourself, then it is a very good dream and being a dreamer is a good, good thing.

Makes me think… what if reality is only your friend said what he said and the dream is that two other people said it as well? What if reality is this “friend” is not much of a friend… I don’t know. What is reality, what is a dream?

anita

July 1, 2015 at 8:55 pm #79108

Matt
Participant

Bill,

When we have good dreams, it is not foolish to hold them dear. It reminds me of Marty Mcfly saying “what if they tell me I’m no good? What if they tell me I have no future?” The answer is easy, get up on the stage and play your heart out anyway. What do they know? Ya know?

Consider them teachers, like bullies that are there to help you see just how strong you are. When we look around and see only shadow, there’s a good chance we just need to look down to see we’re a lighthouse. They’re a reminder to be realistic, or to not put your head up your ass. If your eyes are staying open, you’re doing good work, keep going. See a need, fill a need. Let the critics’ words float like dust behind you.

If you have the strength, give them a hug. Otherwise, shake it off. “Not mine”, said the Buddha.

With warmth,
Matt

July 2, 2015 at 4:17 am #79113

Inky
Participant

Hi bill,

When a friend gives up on their dreams and even himself, it can be downright painful to see a cheerily optimistic pal “going for it”. It would be different if you succeeded in terms of fame/money (what the world views as “success”). Then it would be downright jealousy and he wouldn’t talk about you at all, even to his shrink! It’s kind of like, “I’m in the mud, and goddammit, you’re in the mud, even if you don’t believe it! And not only that, I’m going to make you stay there! Who do you think you are, Lotus Flower??”

You know, I don’t hang around people who think so little of me. I would stay away from this friend for a while. And DON’T tell him your plans/dreams if you run into him. Keep your conversations to the present/mundane. Keep your goals away from the trolls, as they say. And if you do succeed in something and see him, don’t be surprised if he gets weirdly angry.

Sorry you’re going through this!

Inky

July 2, 2015 at 5:00 pm #79129
Rock Banana
Participant
Their comments only tell you about the way they process reality.

…How has that worked out for them?

🙂

In a few years would you rather look back and know you went for your dreams (whether they worked out the way you were hoping or not), or that you believed people that never told you you had a chance, and ended up not trying at all?
- This reply was modified 9 years, 9 months ago by Rock Banana.
July 3, 2015 at 5:06 am #79162

Dan Bukowski
Participant

Hello Bill, I sometimes feel the same way. I am going to be 40 this month and have a BS in Sociology and an MBA and I feel stuck. I also was told that I had good thoughts and a great communicator. Why not start a blog? I recently have done this. It gives me something to work towards while continuing my work for my employer. I have only made peanuts at this point but I feel I am laying the foundation to build something great that many will gain benefit from. Keep your head up.

~DB
danbukowski.net
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