Hi Jim

I’m glad to hear that your relationship has improved some. But I’m sorry to hear that your partner has discontinued with therapy.

I’m glad that you are being a good example for her and continuing with your own therapy.

It seems to me that your concern is for your partner’s mental health. I agree that sharing about the money isn’t helpful as it might hinder her already stalled recovery.

You are right in that these things do take years. I have C-PTSD from childhood and it took me years of therapy to recover from.

I didn’t really see pain as a motivation for recovery. I think it actually keeps you in that deep dark hole personally. Kindness is a motivation for recovery. And hoping that recovery is possible in the first place, trusting that there is someone out there who can help you is paramount.

If you think of pain as a protective mechanism that is more accurate in my opinion. Change is unknown and scary. The pain she currently knows is “safe” and avoidance provides a level of comfort and protection from things that she is afraid of. Yet, the more she avoids them the deeper that fear becomes.

She needs the help of a trauma specialist. This kind of help is specialised and very expensive. When she is ready to try again use your resources to help her. It is the job of someone who specialises in trauma to help people who heal from these things everyday. It is an art of its own. Recovery is possible, but she has to be willing to try and let someone help her.

I wish you both the best of luck!

Love and best wishes! ❤️🙏