Help Me Understand If You Have Any Insight Into This

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This topic has 18 replies, 4 voices, and was last updated 6 years, 9 months ago by Inky.

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December 15, 2017 at 1:13 pm #182433

maggie mac
Participant

I understand about the honeymoon period and how we can drop one relationship only to repeat the same thing in a new relationship because we haven’t solved the problems. It wasn’t like we had it and it gradually lessened. It is more that he just doesn’t talk about US. He doesn’t make plans or talk about our future. It’s weird. But I get what you are saying.

December 15, 2017 at 1:24 pm #182435

maggie mac
Participant

Poppy, I understand about the honeymoon period and how we can drop one relationship only to repeat the same thing in a new relationship because we haven’t solved the problems. It wasn’t like we had it and it gradually lessened. It is more that he just doesn’t talk about US. He doesn’t make plans or talk about our future. It’s weird. But I get what you are saying.

Anita, I didn’t even want to have lunch really… I just did it to catch up. I feel so strongly about guy #1 that it would make me ill even thinking of being with another guy. I didn’t think I had room in my heart for another feeling about someone else. I understand the options and how I could transfer my feelings from one to the other, but if that is so, then where does love come into play? If I love him then HOW can I just all of a sudden feel that the little I am getting isn’t enough? I still love him. If not then what even is love? I don’t want to think I was just loving him because there was no one else available. He is still the man I have been crazy about for over 3 years. You are right that I want and need love and attention and to be with someone or at least feel we are moving that way. I really want all this from Guy #1. He might not be able to give it.

December 16, 2017 at 4:30 am #182473

Anonymous
Guest

Dear Maggie mac:

Good point: “what even is love?”, my thoughts in context of your thread here:

Love is a combination of feelings and values. Feelings can and do change, as happened to you recently. They can change for the reasons I suggested in my last post to you. But love is also values. A value will carry us through a change of feelings, through times we don’t feel love, so that we act lovingly nonetheless, do no harm to the person we love.

So, is I was you, I wouldn’t be alarmed about the change of feeling. What I would focus on is the Values part of my love for Guy #1. I would examine that part, with him. What is going on there… what is his motivation in regard to you in his future, and does it fit yours, or not? If there is no fit, there is no point to you being loyal (a value) to him. Loyalty has to do with the two of you operating as a team for your mutual benefit. When you are loyal to him, you are loyal to the team, you being one in a team of two, a partnership.

anita

December 16, 2017 at 8:09 am #182495

Inky
Participant

In Classical Literature there was Penelope, who staved off a hundred suitors while Ulysses was at sea for twenty years.

Do you know what the difference between you and Penelope is?

Penelope was Ulysses wife!

This guy of yours is just a suitor lost at sea.

Inky
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