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  • June 15, 2014 at 1:29 pm #58876
    ajen
    Participant

    I recently got back on contact with someone I had a relationship with when I was a teenager. This is the third time we have been back in contact the last time being in 2012 and early 2013. Our relationship ended in 2013 due to several reason one being my insecurities and the other his behaviour mainly his absence and thoughtlessness. Our last relationship ended in a big argument and we didn’t speak for over a year. This time round things felt different not just for me and my behaviour (I feel more grounded) but our conversations were more mature. I saw him yesterday and spent the night with him, however when I was home I received a message from him saying he didn’t have the same feeling for me as before. We didn’t argue, we had a very mature conversation and he has said he wants to speak to me still but anything else wouldn’t feel right to him. I am not sure what I should do now. I feel sad but not as sad as I did the last time we broke up. Could this be because we’ve broken up so many times before? I am sad mostly because I wanted to start a family with him but with his feelings the way they are now it looks like it will never happen. I should also mention that when we got together in 2012 he said a similar thing but he said that he still felt for me but things were different between us, over time this difference stopped being an issue for him. Because of this I am not sure what I should do. A part of me wishes I could break off contact with him but I am not ready for that. I found it incredibly difficult when we broke up the last time and spent a lot of time crying and feeling very unhappy, but I don’t want to watch as he moves on with someone else and forgets about me. I don’t want to pretend that I don’t care either as this may convince him that I don’t care but I also don’t want him to feel like he can have me at anytime. If things were to improve between us I would want him to think of it in a serious way. Can anyone suggest what I should do. Shall I just continue as I am and speak to him if necessary but not be too much? Any advice would be great.

    June 15, 2014 at 4:53 pm #58882
    Matt
    Participant

    Ajen,

    I’m sorry things aren’t working out the way you hoped, and can understand the mystery that springs to life when our heart feels conflicted. On one hand, you love him, and hoped for a family with him, but on the other, his feelings have changed, and so have yours. To me, it sounds like you love the dream of him, of family, and are really wanting that. Is it with him though? Is it him, the man, that attracts you?

    It seems his heart isn’t into you in that way, and pokey as it may be, sometimes sexual and romantic feelings get intermixed, confused, when old friends connect. All perfectly normal, usual, and common.

    The solution to the mystery is actually pretty simple. Trust your path, and get back to business, hobbies, self nurturing. Reinvest in the dreams you had before him, without him in it, and if something changes, who knows. Don’t wait, waste… your breaths are precious, dear sister, and there’s a whole world out there. 🙂

    With warmth,
    Matt

    June 16, 2014 at 3:54 am #58902
    Inky
    Participant

    At this point let him contact you. Let him do all the work. If he calls you and then goes on and on about not feeling the same, say, “I don’t buy it/So why are you calling me/It sounds like you’re trying to convince yourself, not me. Gotta go, Little Buddy!”

    In the meantime see other people.

    Start thinking and referring to him as your Fan Club. Flip the script, even if it’s in your own mind.

    When he calls again and wants to get together, say, “I don’t think that’s a good idea.” He blew it last time, after all! Maybe a year later you can meet ~ for coffee, and coffee only.

    The best part is when you really have moved on, he calls out of the blue, and your BF picks up the phone and calls, “Honey! It’s the President of your Fan Club!… Yeah… That guy… *laughs*” 😉

    • This reply was modified 10 years, 6 months ago by Inky.
    June 16, 2014 at 1:06 pm #58917
    ajen
    Participant

    Hi All,

    Thank you for the replies, they really helped. I think the best way for me to deal with this is to be as active as possible and distract myself. I won’t allow myself to live in the hope that he will come back as it will only cause me pain in the future if it doesn’t happen. If it’s meant to be it will and if it isn’t I probably won’t remember his name in a few years :-))

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