Hello,

I’ve been physically, emotionally, and verbally abused. My parents abused me to the point where I couldn’t get out of abuse in my adult relationships with friends, lovers, and colleagues. My ex who I suspect is a narcissist blamed me for making him anxious and stressed. He criticized me whenever I opened my mouth to speak, created doubt in my mind by flirting with another girl and when I expressed my discomfort he said I was trying to control him.

My friend on the other hand used abuse and tries to make me feel guilty about asking for space to figure out who I am as a person. He says we can’t have the same relationship as we once did.

I took summer courses which left me with student loans. I was so depressed and anxious from my friendship and ex boyfriend that I couldn’t do well in school. My professor was also extremely demeaning and dropped me from the program because others in his program said that I was unhappy to be around. I lost the spot in the program so I lost the money I would have got from it. I decided to retake the classes I nearly failed while depressed. During the year my classes are paid for by financial aid and federal loans. My parents criticize me about the type of career I want and force me to do what they want (which is supposed to bring money and pride to them). They have no part in me getting to college. I’ve been on my own handling everything. They haven’t given a single dime towards my education but my mom guilt trips me about the plane tickets and money for food that she gave me. She goes out of her way to help her siblings financially (my aunts and uncles). She loves being the hero saying she loves to help others. They hate her and treated my family with disrespect when we visited them after years as they live in a different country. I realiZed my federal loans or financial aid doesn’t cover my summer tuition. Stressed, I was making calls with the college to figure out how to pay. I told my mom I was getting a loan but needed a consigner. She exploded yelling at me and telling me I lied and that I was useless. She told me to drop out and go work. She is do delusional, I told her other parents pay for their children’s tuition and she started pointing out other people whose lives she has no idea of saying they don’t have loans. She claims I was ripped off and trying to drown her with payments. The loan is under my name, Huh?!? Anyways, I realized she would continue yelling so I stopped saying anything and she yelled louder and wouldn’t stop. I tried to stay calm, went to the restroom to wash my face (I almost cried) and changed my pants. She was banging on the door and I didn’t let her in. I quietly got out and grabbed my bag to get out of the situation. I think she wanted to physically abuse me too, it was escalating very quickly and she was trying to get a reaction out of me. Saying nothing was still a reaction for her. Sigh..I feel so tired. She yelled behind me while I walked off in the street and came to a local coffee shop to hide. Did I do something wrong? I feel so alone. Why is she trying to hurt me/make me feel bad? I don’t see what will come out if it?