HELL, We Create For Ourselves

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This topic has 7 replies, 6 voices, and was last updated 10 years, 11 months ago by ThirdEyePoke.

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May 22, 2014 at 2:05 am #56831

Tracey
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OOOOOOOhhhh that sounds so like the same problems I was having and truthfully I think it all boils down to ourselves. We have to learn to love and respect ourselves and truly if someone you are with makes you feel very anxious and uncomfortable, I really dont know if its worth it :-/ I suffer anxiety anyway so sometimes it comes out even more so when I am in a relationship and “In Love” or maybe like you are doubting, think im “In Love”.
Its a sad lonely place to be when you are in a relationship but sometimes still feel alone and you are not getting full happinness from it. You deserve to meet someone that you can truly love and never have to feel uncomfortable with. You should be out with her and be looking at her with pride saying “Thats my Girl” 😉

Life is too short….. I have stayed in relationships for fear of being on my own, Im not sure if you would be similiar. But then again maybe you do really love her and maybe she really loves you. Perhaps she is just a social butterfly and a little flirtatious without realising! Is it maybe related to alcohol, when she goes this way??

My last word to you would be – that mountain you talk about, you will be at the top!! Maybe not with your present GF, but you will be there 🙂 Please be gentle and loving to yourself and think that if this person is making you feel so low and losing your own self worth then maybe its time to move on.

Thats a very hard thing to do I know. Im 37 and still hoping to reach the top of that mountain you are refferring to.

Keep hope and start to focus on your own happiness a bit more.

Tracey <3

May 22, 2014 at 2:11 am #56832

Tracey
Participant

Ahh I really do feel for you today. That whole insecure anxious thing around a relationship makes you miserable. This site will help you if you let it. There are some very inspiring uplifting people on here. Chin up and smile 🙂 🙂

May 22, 2014 at 3:24 am #56834

@Jasmine-3
Participant

Thanks Tracey.

Hi ThirdEyePoke

Perhaps time has come to poke your third eye, eh !

Hey, I strongly suggest that you seek medical attention for some of your other underlying issues that I can sense in your post and dont stress, I wont chase you down ;). CBT can be very helpful when we have unresolved emotions or issues. Suggest you get in touch with your local GP if you havent done so recently. You know what I am talking about, yeah ?

Now getting back to your post: I only have one advice for you. Be truthful to yourself.

We are not here to save someone or be a saviour no matter how much ever we may feel the need to be. When any relationship starts to bring out the worst in you, you should immediately change your path and run in another direction. Unconditional love is beautiful and only brings out the best in everyone. It gives you enough strength to be YOU and lets everyone else be THEM. When we are in true love, we act from our higher self, which is infinite, secure, powerful, generous, pure, honest, trustworthy, accepting etc. When we think we are in love but not experiencing unconditional love, we act from our lower self, which is finite, insecure, weak, coward, possessive, untrusthworthy etc.

I wish you all the best in your journey and rest assured that life will become aswesome the moment you take a definitive positive action. For that, I will offer prayers for you later today and I know you will be fine soonish 🙂 All my mates do well.

Blessings,

J

May 22, 2014 at 5:10 am #56838
Inky
Participant
Hi ThirdEyePoke,

I think you’re thinking too much LOL.

Everyone has “Issues”, but only if we “Think” about them. If your memory of the past was wiped clean, and you opened your eyes for the fist time, all you would see is a perfectly lovely girl looking back at you. Try to separate your “stuff” from your relationship.

True love is most like a parent doting on her beloved child. She stares at his beauty even though everyone might think he’s an ugly baby. She marvels at his genius even though he’s in the “Resource” Lab in the school’s gray basement. She devotes hours of her time lovingly making childhood scrapbooks filled with memories even though he has few friends.

That is what love is.
- This reply was modified 10 years, 11 months ago by Inky.
May 22, 2014 at 8:03 am #56845

Kelly
Participant

ThirdEyePoke,
I would encourage you to be less judgmental of yourself and your situation. At the end of your post, you offer two solutions: accept you were never in love and let her go, or “man up” and try your best to love her. This implies you see the latter choice as the “right” one, the honorable choice and I’m just not sure it’s true. Yes, you are presented with two paths, but ask yourself what do you truly want, in your heart and soul? You allude throughout your post of things not being right with your relationship with this girl. You take accountability for your part in it, which is admirable, but there are also things that boil down to compatibility and fit. It is not your responsibility to “take care of” another person at the cost of your own happiness and mental health. Everybody “deserves” to be loved, but just because you “chose” her to date does not mean you are forever obligated to make sacrifices in order to be with her. I encourage you to read up on codependency and see if any of it resonates with you.

Kelly

May 22, 2014 at 10:34 am #56853

Jobebee
Participant

Hiya,

well, first of all, you sound like were head of heels for this girl. There is no girl in this entire world which wouldn’t want to be described like the girl you have.

The one thing that resonates through your post is that for things to grow you have to give them space… like a plant. Things can’t grown if they’re being squeezed, pressured and cornered. Thus, I would say to maybe let her be more free, both of you need to be more independent. This is no bad reflection you. It is a great thing that you know who you are what your traits are. She has been around all this time, why not talk to her about your feelings and try to find yourself and grow together as a couple? She may well support you as you try to deal with your anxiety, after all she must feel strongly about you to still be there.

I’m really sorry if I sound harsh. A few years ago I dated a guy with OCD. I didn’t know he had it, but after a few months he become fixated on me. We got along really well, but I felt trapped. Sadly, because he got too fixated, we broke up. But, after a year or so of counselling and mediation we become friends again. He’s a really great guy and we talk a lot still although we’re not together. I would never hold the way he acted towards me against him. He was in a different place back then and he had a journey to go on. We all need to do some self development at some point… maybe it is time that you let go so you can deal with yourself. If she is strong enough and cares enough, she will still be there… and if she’s not, you will then have yourself back. The true happy you. After all… sometimes good things fall apart, so better things can fall together.

Take care and look after yourself.

May 22, 2014 at 11:40 am #56863

ThirdEyePoke
Participant

Wow, Thank you all very much. I love the vibe of this site, both supportive and positive, but also very thoughtful and reflective opinions!So many great insights. I’m sorry if I don’t reference who said what, as there’s been so many posts already.

First of all I agree with those of you that say you need to take account of yourself, love and respect yourself first, and everything else will follow. I am actively seeking out ways of reclaiming who I was, I’ve reached out to the mental health team at my Health provider, am also considering medication but not committed to it yet. I will definitely check out this website Tracey and am open to any alternative therapies.

That savior complex is interesting and definitely at play. I always wanted to be in a relationship with a woman who is independent, confident, and self-aware. And I would only jump in during real emergency’s. And yet I can’t help but have this image of my gf as a child, that has very few self-defenses, is very young, is kind of a push over, and needs constant supervision to stay safe. So my alarm is constantly going off with her. She is also from out of town, with no family here, and very few if any friends she can hang with on her own. Co-dependency also definitely at play.

Much work to do, and yet this has to be the year to resolve and find lasting peace, or move on. Believe me there is a much better version of me that was once so calm, happy, self-assured, comfortable, he’s the guy who should be living this life. He’s the one who can provide and be an asset to those around him. Right now I feel lonely, isolated, and unloved because of the hell i helped build for myself. So again I thank you all for the words of encouragement. I will post periodically to update and would love the support as I said this year is the year in which the sun will shine through and peace of mind will reign, one way or the other.
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