Hi Gang,

This is relatively minor compared to what some people go through, but hopefully everyone can relate.

My stats: Forties, a little overweight, but not shockingly so, and tall.

The past few years I noticed that I’ve been left out of family photos or no one really takes my picture. If I give them the benefit of the doubt, I’m sure it’s subconscious, but it’s noted and still bothers me.

When I get dressed up for the holidays I honestly think I look good. But no compliments, or I get weird stony silence. Once I dropped 20% of my body weight and the compliments suddenly come spilling out.

Last Easter my mom wanted the whole family to take a weight loss challenge. This was obviously directed at about half of us and then started comparing us to morbidly obese people who need wheelchairs in the airport. And that “You do whatever it takes!!” (laxative, starving, etc.) . Everyone was upset, but got over it. As Mom must be crazy, right??

This Xmas I missed a black tie party and my DH isn’t home for the holidays (long story). I wanted to show my sister what I bought and also wanted to send DH a pic. My friends walked in, saw me in the gown, and started whistling and complimenting me. I sit down and honestly feel beautiful for the first time in five or six years.

Then my sister, who should know better, as she was the most upset during the Easter debacle, leans over and whispers loudly, “You really need to wear a girdle or Spanx with that.”

Then the rest of the family came in, including my mom. She wisely never brought up the weight loss challenge, but once again, there I am wearing a frickin’ evening gown, and weird silence.

It’s like, “How dare I feel beautiful or try on nice clothes if I’m not thin?”

When I look in the mirror I see that I am splendid and magnificent. Call it Reverse Body Dysmorphia. Thank you body for carrying me through forty years, three children, triathlons, kick boxing, krav maga, fad diets and putting up with all the toxins that comes from living on our modern earth.

But it’s this one. Thing.

Even when I put a recent FB profile pic up ~ It was from the past decade and a Friend messages me an emoticon of a confused face and writes “My spidey senses are tingling”. But that was of course after I got dozens of “Likes”.

I’m just sick of not being able “socially allowed” to feel good about my looks (doctored or not) for too long!

Help!

Inky