I have a few thoughts on this, as a very dedicated dog mom and as someone who has come out of an abusive relationship.

First: It’s phenomenal, in all the best ways, that you recognize you have been irresponsible with your dog and his lack of training. You definitely made a big mistake trying to introduce an untrained dog (predator) to a chicken (FOOD!!). Dogs need to be trained very slowly and carefully, over time, and tested multiple times in safe situations before being allowed to enter a situation that could result in harm to either them or anyone/thing else. It was way too soon for the chicken test, but, you have recognized that mistake and you are ABSOLUTELY doing the right thing by consulting a professional trainer. 🙂 You are NOT wrong to keep your dog! You haven’t been a great owner for him. You haven’t taught him how to behave in certain situations, and you have put him in those situations anyway and HE is the one who has suffered by being hit just for behaving how a normal dog would have behaved. None of this is the dog’s fault persay- yes, he did bite, but he was scared and the situation could have been prevented by better judgment calls from the human in his life. You are fully aware of this, you are taking responsibility, and you are acting in his best interest now. You are making a great effort to become an awesome dog mom to him and I truly believe that if you commit to working with the behavioralist, you can turn it around and have an amazing life together. 🙂 I know some of that will feel harsh to read, but, it’s simply a statement of the truth you already acknowledge inside yourself. One that will soon be untrue from the sound of it! 🙂 Your dog isn’t biting because he’s a bad dog- he is a fearful dog reacting in a way natural to dogs who have a stronger fight than flight instinct. This can be remedied!

Second: I will say this once, and I will say it very clearly. Any human who will harm an animal without questioning, especially one who will encourage others to harm animals, is not someone you should trust. The fact that he thinks hitting a dog is some kind of training is outrageous. Negative reinforcement is probably the least successful method anyone could want, and the most damaging- really, it’s just mistreatment with a flimsy justification behind it. Most people who abuse their children and spouses have these tendencies, and most serial killers start out by torturing animals. There’s a difference between ignorance-driven violence and deliberate violence- your situation is probably ignorance-driven (I hope), as your boyfriend probably just doesn’t know much about properly training dogs or working with rescue/abuse dogs, but the motivation does NOT excuse the outcome of the action. You should have a serious, strong discussion with him about hitting your dog and your own feelings on it, and you should absolutely speak to the behaviorist about what your boyfriend did (hitting) and how your dog reacted (biting then fleeing). I recommend NOT involving your boyfriend in the sessions with the behaviorist, because you already know he will bring only negativity and could prevent it from being a successful lesson for your dog.

I’m glad my thoughts were helpful, and I’m EXTRA happy that you are so confident and motivated to work with Nugget! The thing is, you’re not a bad person, and you’re not a bad pet owner. You just don’t know 100% how to work with and train your dog, and you know, most people don’t! I was totally clueless about my first dog, but he himself and a CRAZY amount of reading and research over years helped me turn myself around as a negligent trainer and we both benefited from it. I’m so happy and proud of you for consulting a professional and for realizing that your boyfriend just has vastly different opinions about your dog and training methods! A lot of people would give up on Nugget. There are about 20 Nuggets in my local dog warden shelter right now and some have been there for months. Nugget is lucky to have a mama who loves him and realizes that both of you have some learning to do together! Don’t give up on him 🙂 You guys are about to start a journey that will lead to an even more loving and happy relationship between you two. Read everything you can find on positive reinforcement dog training (a quick google search will turn up loads of good stuff)! And even though he’s cheesy and I don’t agree with all his methods (the “SSSH!” thing got laughed away by my dog) watch Cesar Milan’s TV show for inspiration and motivation- he really shows that with persistence and consistency you can train ANY non-violent dog. 🙂

I don’t know for sure, and I don’t want to just pass judgment on a total stranger, but it SEEMS to me like your boyfriend might be using your dog as a method of trying to control you. By saying “no man will ever want to deal with that dog” he is keeping you from leaving him by making you think you have to choose between your dog and a loving relationship. NOT TRUE. My boyfriend has never had any pets before, and we recently adopted a second dog together (I had my first dog, a Jindo, before I met the bf). Mochi, the new dog (Belgian shepherd/Newfoundland mix, about 110 lbs of HAPPYHAPPYHAPPYGOGOGO and zero training) frustrates my bf sometimes because he wants to climb on the bed, the couch, the people, and licks nonstop and just always NEEDS to be in your face! My bf got really agitated with Mochi once, and he smacked him on the back. Not hard, but enough that Mochi visibly shrank down and looked upset. He’s a very gentle dog, a true omega, so he didn’t bite or anything, but it was obvious that he felt hurt and sensed my bf’s aggression. I knew my bf was under a lot of stress at work and had just snapped for a moment- but that didn’t make it okay. So later that night I talked to him about it, and I told him that while I understood he was frustrated, it’s never okay to hit an animal and I’m not going to tolerate it if he does it again. He will not be welcome at my house any more. So now I’m putting my bf through dog training bootcamp LOL. 🙂 And the reason this situation is not tragic, is because my bf loves me and likes my dogs, and he recognized that what he did was not okay on any level and he is willing to learn other methods. He has not done it again and I sincerely believe that he won’t in the future. The fact that he was willing to acknowledge his mistake, where it came from within himself, how it hurt those around him, and instantly commit to change shows that my bf is a truly compassionate person and he is working WITH me (and my dogs haha) in this relationship. I don’t want to sound prideful or arrogant, but at risk of such I would advise that if your boyfriend is unwilling to consider your feelings- especially how much you love Nugget- and isn’t willing to learn with you and improve your life together, you should consider leaving him. Not because he’s an inherently bad person- he probably isn’t. But because if that’s the type of relationship you want, you CAN have that, just maybe not with him. There ARE men out there who will love you AND Nugget and will work with you both. Don’t let your bf scare you about that- he just doesn’t want you to leave. It also seems like he might be testing his ability to control you by seeing if he can pressure you into giving up your dog. Don’t do it. (Disclaimer, that may not be true- I admit I am suspicious after having been abused- it’s just my opinion.)

Hi Katie,

This is coming from someone who dropped a potential boyfriend because he was allergic to my cat, so you can take this with a grain of salt (or, ALL THE SALT! LOL).

I say keep the dog and dump the boyfriend.

If you keep the boyfriend, meet him ANYWHERE but in your home. This will give him the message that your pet trumps him. He will probably dump you, actually, when he sees that he’s not at the top of your totem pole. BUT how dare he say “No man will ever want to deal with that dog” implying that no man will want to deal with YOU EVEN WITH THE DOG!! Darling, I know PLENTY of men who are DOG PEOPLE who would not only love your dog, but would support and take part of his training/education!!

He’s showing serious yellow, orange and red flags here!

Best,

Inky