Dear CB:

Emotional pain is physical pain, there really is nothing that we experience in life that is not physical.

“I just like to be comfortable with my own company and to find my own self worth”- because we are social animals, born social, we can’t really find our worth if we don’t have interactions with other people where we feel that we make a positive difference.

I suppose you used to try to make a positive difference in your ex’s mother’s life, and now you don’t have that opportunity. You tried to make a positive difference in your ex’s life, and you don’t have that opportunity anymore. Then there is your son: are you making a positive difference in his life?

anita

Dear CB:

A far as your ex’s mother’s money, I assume your son, who is your ex’s only son, will benefit from this money, even if you don’t. That’s a positive, isn’t it?

Who is worried that you will try to claim his  mother’s inheritance (I thought you don’t have legal rights to her money, especially since you were not married to your ex, and where you live you don’t have rights that a married woman would)?

anita

Dear CB:

It’s good that there is something positive in all this, at least your son will benefit from what his grandmother left behind.

What you are saying is that you were trusted to be this woman’s legal guardian by her family, and following years of that and taking care of her (and her husband) for years otherwise, your ex and his siblings pay you no attention and no respect whatsoever. And so, all your work caring for your ex’s parents, are unacknowledged and unappreciated, correct?

* Do you think things would have been different if you married your ex sometime during the quarter century you lived with him? I ask because in a traditional society, people take a relationship more seriously if it is a marriage vs. living together.

anita

• This reply was modified 4 years, 8 months ago by .

Dear CB:

Your story then is a testimony as to why we people should legal-proof our lives best we can so to see to it that we don’t invest years of time and resources and then end up not enjoying the fruits of our labors. For example, if you arranged with your ex’s parents (who are not your parents in law, as you refer to them, because there has been no legal anything), to be legally entitled to some inheritance, then you would now benefit from some of your hard labor of years.

If there is any possible legal remedy for your situation, seek it, I say.

anita

Dear CB:

“I need to concentrate on being kind to myself, just not sure how to  do that right now:

1. Eat nutritional food in moderate quantities, drink plenty of water.

2. Exercise daily, a 30 minutes fast walking is an excellent way to get aerobic exercise.

3. Choose what if any communication you will have with your ex partner.

4. Try mindful guided meditations, such as Mark William’s series.

5. Try a gentle yoga practice, maybe a good you tube is available for you.

6. Try to accept your post- relationship life situation as your new reality, take deep breaths as you think of this new reality, take it in, don’t resist it.

7. Discover something new for you, some new interest.

anita

Dear CB:

You are welcome.

“I feel like I’m giving up on him, but I guess he gave up on me”- you didn’t accept yet the reality that he indeed gave up on you. Not accepting this reality, you think that.. if you accept the reality that he is no longer with you, you will be the one giving up on him!

You posted many times about not accepting this new, post-relationship reality, but you didn’t write much about how you feel about it. You wrote that you are heart broken but you didn’t elaborate on it. I suggest that you do elaborate next on how it feels to be heart broken. Use words to express yourself, it may he the thing to do for the purpose of accepting your new reality.

anita

Dear CB:

Your feelings of sadness, of longing, of hurt.. these need to be expressed more. If not in words (you are not a woman of many words), then in some other way, or ways: Expressive Therapy is about using the creative arts (drawing, painting, collage, clay, music, movement/dancing, drama) as a form of expression and healing.

Unlike traditional arts, that require skill and talent, and that emphasize performing in front of an audience, or exhibiting art to an audience, expressive/ art therapy is not  about performing to an audience, or about a final product to be exhibited in a museum. And you don’t have to be skilled or talented. Expressive/ Art Therapy is about.. expressing our emotions so to heal and to maintain your health.

in a website: innerself. com/ content/ personal/ happiness-and-self-help/ counselling/ 4130-express-your-emotions-through-art. html, a Lucia Capacchione, PhD., ATR, an art therapist, writes that the Latin roots of the word emotion are: e (out) + movere (move). Feelings either move naturally, like a river, or get blocked. It is the nature of emotions to move.

If our emotions naturally move, we feel alive; if they are blocked, we feed like life is hardly worth living. When emotions are blocked, because their nature is to move, they keep moving in that blocked context, creating stress disorders and illnesses.

And so, CB, find your art medium, maybe painting, or collage, and/ or dancing to music.. find your medium and express your emotions!

anita

I hope you are okay, CB.

*Chris: I just came across your post for the first time. If you are reading this, will you start your own thread? Click Forums at the top, scroll down to Relationships, click that, scroll down and type in the empty boxes (title and body of text).

anita