Dear CB:

This happening, when certain thoughts and images pay over and over in one’s mind is what being stuck is about; having the same old-same-old thoughts and images repeating. Moving on, would be having new thoughts and new images taking, break away from being stuck on Repeat.

I was wondering, you mentioned a back injury and going through menopause: how badly injured is your back, and how mild or severe are your menopause symptoms?

anita

Dear CB:

The Mayo clinic website says about slipped (herniated) discs: “Most herniated disks occur in the lower back, although they can also occur in the neck.. If your herniated disk is in your lower back, you’ll typically feel the most pain in your buttocks, thigh and calf.. If your herniated disk is in your neck, you’ll typically feel the most pain in your shoulder and arm… Pain is often described as sharp or burning”- your herniated discs must be in your lower back then because you mentioned sciatica (the italicized). It reads: “Disk herniation is most often the result of a gradual, aging-related wear and tear called disk degeneration. As you age, your disks become less flexible and more prone to tearing or rupturing with even a minor strain or twist… Sometimes, using your back muscles instead of your leg and thigh muscles to lift heavy objects can lead to a herniated disk, as can twisting and turning while  lifting. Rarely, a traumatic event such as a fall or a blow to the back is the cause”. Risk factors: excess body weight which causes extra stress on the disks in the lower back, physically demanding jobs (repetitive lifting, pulling, pushing, bending sideways and twisting), genetics and smoking.

Well, CB, while we are all  fear the coronavirus, a herniated disk, a non-viral problem, is scary enough, a mild case of Covid-19 is way, way preferable to a moderate case of a herniated disk. I need to be careful about lifting objects, twisting, etc.

About your partner of a quarter of a century, that’s a different kind of pain, an addition to the herniated disk and the unpleasant symptoms of menopause. Do your best to alleviate each and every kind of pain that you are experiencing!

anita

Dear CB:

I am sorry that you didn’t get to say goodbye to this woman whom you loved so much.

If your very-ex partner did call you to let you know, it wouldn’t have made a difference to the fact that she  indeed passed away, and you (or anyone she knew) were not able to be with her in-person during the last hours and days of her life.

“how can he just walk away and be so cold”- before you can answer the how, you have to accept the fact that he did walk away and that he is cold with you. First understand, thoroughly understand, that he indeed walked away and that (it seems like), he is very unlikely to come back to you.

For now, for today- take it easy. Take a hot bath, and listen to your favorite music, take a walk outside (as you should ever day, as long as it’s safe), and post here anytime.

anita

Dear CB:

When he was your partner, he was entitled to your emotional support. If he was your friend, he would be entitled to your emotional support. But he is no longer your partner, and he hasn’t been a friend to you, from what you shared. Therefore he is not entitled.

Because he hasn’t been your friend, I can understand your difficulty being his friend at this time. It is up to you, your choice if to give him the time and support that he wants from you.

If you think that maybe he will be back to you, if you support him, keep in mind that it may not be the case, keep it in mind, so that you don’t get terribly disappointed.

anita

Dear CB:

The house where you currently live with your 20 year old son- is this house going to be sold, and if so, where will you be living (and will your son live with you or with this father)?

anita

Dear CB:

If you are comfortable in the house where you live, you shouldn’t move out to a lesser comfortable place so to accommodate him. He chose to leave you, even though you didn’t abuse him or posed any danger to him, so he shouldn’t inconvenience you and his son, is my point.

anita

Dear CB:

I asked you earlier if you have legal rights having been his live-in partner for so many years, similar to the legal rights of a wife, but you said there are none such rights where you live. Are you sure that there is no agency or a legal resource where you live, for you to hire an attorney or the like, so that what happens financially is not up to him, and him alone?

anita

Dear CB:

I don’t know how many months or years of daily hard work you put in physically taking care of his mother (and father), without pay, without any financial benefit to you. If you spend years of labor physically caring for his  mother, it would have been fair if she left you a sizeable amount of money or property in a will.

“After 27 years caring for him and his Mum I’m surprised it’s gone this way”- our good deeds, work and labor,  often don’t get rewarded. Notice, he didn’t reward you and neither did she.

What does it say to you, about his mother and about him?

anita