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He wants to be friends now!

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  • October 23, 2018 at 10:30 am #232761
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Christin:

    If he started talking about a future with you within two months of knowing you, that would have been alarmingly too fast to me. But the two of you had a friendship for three years prior to dating. I suppose he got excited, envisioned a future.

    At that point he felt ready for a serious relationship but you were not and still, at present, you are not (“If I’m being honest I don’t know if I’m ready for a serious relationship”).

    Did you let him know currently that you interested in a relationship with him but not a serious one?

    anita

     

    October 23, 2018 at 10:32 am #232763
    Inky
    Participant

    Hi Christin,

    Wanting to take things slowly is a natural response to a relationship going at warp speed. You didn’t say “No”. You said, “Yes, perhaps, but can we get married and have kids, a house and a dog in two years rather than two months?” I don’t care if you’ve known each other for three years.

    You did nothing wrong.

    This bears repeating: You did nothing wrong.

    Perhaps it’s a blessing things so easily went south with Mr. Sensitive. It would have been something else if not this, you know.

    Best,

    Inky

     

    October 23, 2018 at 10:46 am #232767
    RebirthandRestart2018
    Participant

    Hi Christin

    You are not responsible for his reaction to your honesty. You are also not responsible for the way he lacked to communicate with you after your conversation. Do not take on this guilt. You were clear and honest. Yes he may be disappointed, but that is due to his own expectations (even though you may have expressed yours) and he sounds like he is on the defensive at the moment, so he doesn’t get hurt any further. You are both on different pages. If you want to, you can clearly tell him you’d like to see how things pan out, but no rushing. If he respects this then great, but if he wants a different pace or to pull away altogether, then it’s not a mutually, caring, respectful balance.

    October 23, 2018 at 10:56 am #232769
    Feathering my nest
    Participant

    My opinion is:

     

    1- Agreeing no expectations is problematic if you have a close relationship. (Which you did.)

     

    2- Maybe its worth trying to chat to him once more. He may have just got upset and misunderstood.

     

    Best of luck xx

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