Dear Gracie:

If he wouldn’t answer you, there is not much that you can do. Until he responds, if he does, we can look at what happened this month with him for clues as to “What does this mean?”.

We can also look at the past for clues- in Nov last year you had a beginning relationship that ended, “He admitted to me”, you wrote, “that he did not feel like the petty arguments we were doing was normal at the beginning of a relationship and it was bothering him…. He said the petty arguments were taking an emotional toll on him… I honestly think that the arguments were more my fault than his. I think I made a big deal out of nothing”-

– were there petty arguments in this recent month old beginning relationship as well?

anita

Dear Gracie:

I need to be away from the computer for a while, for a few hours. I am glad the two of you didn’t argue, and opposite work schedules are a problem in relationships, absolutely. How long is it that he didn’t respond to your messages, and how many unanswered messages did you send him?

If you want to add any details regarding the relationship, please do as they may be relevant.

-will be back in a few hours.

anita

Dear Gracie:

You saw this man a little over a month and within that month, “He wanted me to meet his parents and then meet my parents etc. just various things that would suggest moving the relationship forward”-

-there are two most likely possibilities why he suggested that you meet his parents and he meets yours within the first month of dating you (as well as say other things that would suggest moving the relationship forward):

1. maybe he wanted to have sex with you and when men suggest moving the relationship forward, the woman is more likely to have sex with the man (and after having sex with you a few times, he didn’t care for more sex)

2. maybe he was very infatuated/ fell in love with you and really thought about marrying you (and fell out of love within a month).

The way to avoid possibility 1 and two is to not have sex with a man in the first three months of dating no matter what the man says (it is simply too… simple, too easy and quick for any person to pronounce words, remember that!) –

-in case of possibility 1, if a man doesn’t have sex with a woman, he will not be motivated to see her after a few failed efforts to have sex. A breakup/ being rejected before sex is less painful than being rejected after sex.

-in case of possibility 2, if the man falls in love with you, well, he will be okay with not having sex with you for a few months, he will be happy to just see your face and hear your voice, he will be thrilled!

I understand you being upset about this, of course it is upsetting to be rejected. As to your question, I don’t see a reason to hope that he will “realize he does know what he wants”- because he did know what he wanted when he ended the month long relationship, he wanted to end it, so he did.

If I was you, I would mourn this short term relationship, take your time doing so and learn from the experience, perhaps adopt my suggestion of the three-month-rule?

I will soon be away from the computer and back in about 14 hours. I hope you feel better soon!

anita

Hi Gracie,

Men like the hunt, for sure. But many of them fall apart when things get “too hard”. Opposite work schedules can absolutely be something that’s “too hard”! Be thankful that you lost someone over something so simple as that NOW, rather than a year or two in over something else that’s “too hard”.

Best,

Inky

Dear Gracie:

You are welcome.

You wrote: “I never did have sex with him but he would try to initiate things”- I don’t need the details of what sexual activity did take place between the two of you, if any and I imagine it would be uncomfortable for you to share such. I don’t need any such information. My comment is then a general one:

I have heard and read from women stating that they did not have sex with a man while they did have a variety of sexual activities, only not the sexual intercourse part. I heard men say something similar as well, (“I did not have sex with that woman” comes to mind, a sentence said by a very famous man long ago).

My suggestion regarding the 3-month-no-sex-rule applies to all sexual activities, not just the sexual intercourse activity.

anita