Hi, I had a relationship with my now ex-boyfriend for two years and a few months. I am from PR and moved to WA to do my master degree; he was born in WA. I know this sounds cliché, but since we started dating I feel this energy or connection between us, he even mentioned at the beginning. I did not want to knowledge it because I was so hurt in the past and I thought it was the feeling of the first few months. With time I realized it was truth. For example, we feel each other emotional status. Or I was thinking in a random thing and he start talk about it. A few weeks ago I was thinking to propose him to visit Canada again and then I few days later we was talking on the phone I he told me he was looking if we can return to Canada. We almost never had problems, like literally twice in all the relationship and it was not a big deal. I am shy with people, but I get along with his family; his parents love me. We visited Las Vegas, Oregon, Canada, Italy (our each first time in Europe; his parents were inspire by us and went to Italy later also), and New York. He made a stop in Philadelphia before NY just to meet my father last September. We were not perfect, we disagree in some things, but we were a healthy couple.

The only thing is our careers. He is a sale construction man and he loves his job. My background is mostly biology, conservation, etc. Where we live there not too much opportunities for a permanent position. Two weeks ago a started a seasonal job (probably until Sep 30) in the Forest Service. It is not my field, but it is a job. I mean the unit I am in it is cleaning and talking with people. And the schedule conflict with his off days. I was looking for a permanent job as bank teller, but I was not lucky. Before I meet him, I was thinking to stay here or move to another town close to find a job and just live. And know it was not going to be easy, but I was determined to that; then I met him and I was happy to have someone. When we talked about my future paths he motivated me to look for I job that I would like even if it was not here. So when I asked him what was going to happen with us his answer was like if we are good as couple he can move later and look for a job where I was.

Last night after I went out from work we dinner together (ironically where it was our first date; the restaurant we was going first was closed). After that, he walked with to my place. I started getting the feeling something was wrong before we met at the pub. So, when we were in the apartment he asked me if I saw I future together, what I said yes. I know maybe because the careers it may be difficult, because if one of us sacrifice for the other maybe that one would feel guilty. But he told me he did not saw sitting at the porch with 85 years old. That we have similar personality, but don’t have the same tastes (e.g. music). We are different in culture, that would be expected, but I don’t have his music, I just find fun a few ones and make fun of it. He like to sleep, but when I stayed I tend to awake early and stay in the bed, but anyways awake him. He said he was feeling a weird energy between us since 1 or 2 months ago. I may be feeling it, but I thought it was because I was looking job, got one, and also he is busy with his job.

He told he love me, but he has the gut feeling that this is not going to work. He was hesitated to break with me because he doesn’t know if he is doing a mistake and going to regret it in a few months. I proposed to take a break time, but he said it was better to break-up now than continue and find out in 6 months that we don’t belong together. He said it was difficult for him because he still love me and he is not prepared to let me go, but it was the best decision. He asked if we can continue in communication, because he cares about me and want to know if I was ok every few time. At the beginning I told no because I may still have feelings for him and it was going to make me have hope or get hurt again. I later told him maybe we can do that, but that give a least two weeks. I texted him today like at 6:30 am, he replied me soon, so I think he did not may sleep well last night like me or I awoke him with my text. I am going to see him after work tonight. I just need to bent out some things.

I know it is not his or my fault, but works cannot describe how destroyed I am. I know he was honest, he loves me, but that I cannot make him change of mind. I know this decision was difficult for him. But I do not know how I going to move along. This was my best relationship, the man that I have love most, and never have feeling a connection like that before. I have been hurt before and break-up, but right now I cannot see I future without him. I am dying inside. I just don’t know how I am going to work or how I am going to write and defend my thesis. What I am going to do when I finish my master. I am devastated.