He left me at my lowest point...why?

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This topic has 16 replies, 9 voices, and was last updated 7 years, 5 months ago by Anonymous.

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February 21, 2017 at 1:43 am #128633

Lara sharp
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So we’ve been together 4 years,in this time he cheated and I forgave him and moved forward, or so I thought. 19th Jan 2017 we argued over money and he went to stay at his sister, he decided he wasn’t coming home. 28th Jan I found out he had been texting and taking another woman out on dates although he was still claiming to love me, crying on my sofa he wanted to be with me but didn’t see how we could make it work, I asked if he wanted the other woman and I would walk away, he said no he loved me she was just someone to talk to, 6th Feb breaking his heart again because he loved me,8th Feb he text me saying he was out with his gf and to leave him alone by the 12th he had moved in with her!
My head is a mess! We were buying furniture together at Xmas, we went to a family party on the 7th Jan a romantic meal the 13th! How could he just up and leave me for her? I don’t understand and I can’t get over it! It’s making me ill

February 21, 2017 at 2:31 am #128637

Elisabeth
Participant

As an outsider, it sounds like he is doing you a favor. Most people do not move from one relationship to the next so quickly and there are a lot of red flags for the new girlfriend. I can understand your feelings of sadness, but hope that you do not think that you deserved this outcome. I am sending feelings of positivity and light to know that you’re appreciated and loved.

February 21, 2017 at 2:44 am #128639

iwillsurvive
Participant

The relationship failed…You have to accept that. Dont try to understand why or how he is feeling. It is his own decision and analying another mind with yours in turmoil is going to drive you crazy. Just because the relationship is broken doesnt mean that you are. Realize that it was an unhealthy relationship that sucked the life out of you. Remember who you are and take care of yourself. You are amazing and dont let anyone not even your mind tell you otherwise. In time that jerk is going to regret his decision but at that time you have moved forward in life and perhaps find a love that take care of you and nourish you. I too was left by my wife a few days ago after all my sacrifices. Its not us. It is their decision and we cannot prove to them that they love us.they have to do that themselves.Breathe and smile.You are amazing…

February 21, 2017 at 4:57 am #128643

vidya
Participant

Hi Dory ,

First of all i am really feeling bad that you are going through this. believe me a person who does this doesnot love you.
A real man cannot be stolen .. He is just playing around , but even then i would say sit with him and converse why he did all this .
But i would say one thing a man who cant be good in his past cannot change to a new leaf overnight..
take care 🙂

February 21, 2017 at 5:09 am #128645

Inky
Participant

Hi dory82,

Wow, this guy cries and cries that he loves you and six days later moves in with another girl. And as a bonus, in between those days tells you to leave him alone (b/c he has a GF!) as if YOU are the one who’s crazy!! Always remember: You are not crazy, he made you feel crazy because he is a Crazy-Maker!!

Even if he comes crawling and crying back (always a distinct possibility!) do you REALLY want him back? No. Make believe you broke up with him, or even send him a note/text/voicemail not to contact you anymore. Bonus: His GF will probably read it or hear about it and assume that he’s talking to you.

I am sorry he has had a psychotic break from reality.

But you don’t need this kind of negativity in your life!

Blessings to You,

Inky

February 21, 2017 at 7:47 pm #128783

Anonymous
Guest

Dear dory82:

Looking at your timeline, seems to me that before 8th Feb, his relationship with the other woman was not solid. On the 8th it was quite solid and he felt safe in it, this is why he told you to “to leave him alone.” Four days later, or before, he was already living with her, solid indeed.

Reads to me like he is very needy of a relationship, and at the same time he also has a wandering eye, so he puts himself in a conflict- needing a relationship and risking it at the same time, then rushing to fix the relationship he betrayed and at the same time forming another, then he settles for whichever happens.

anita

February 22, 2017 at 12:22 pm #128873

Lara sharp
Participant

Thank you for all your lovely comments, I’m beginning to feel a bit better, still hurts like hell but I believe he’s just a really shitty person, karma will get him as I’ve heard his new gf likes the male attention and he’s a jealous guy.

February 22, 2017 at 12:33 pm #128881

Lara sharp
Participant

Sorry to hear you are having a hard time to, I’ve been told everything happens for a reason do I’m hoping better things are to come x

February 23, 2017 at 3:46 am #128957

Kim
Participant

It’s very tough to be going through this. I’m sure in some ways it feels like you lost a best friend or at least a close one. I suggest no contact. And when you’re ready delete all old texts from him that you may have been revisiting. Remember to look at how far you’ve gotten instead of how far you have left to go. I don’t believe in once a cheater always a cheater, but this is a man you’d forgiven. Which is very difficult to do, and that trust bond has been broken. Don’t think there is any coming back from that.

February 23, 2017 at 8:15 pm #129137

XenopusTex
Participant

I’m surprised at moving in so soon. I’m wondering what was going on long before then.

If he gets around that much, probably best that it ends before you wind up with something that you don’t want.

June 11, 2017 at 6:52 am #152688

Lara sharp
Participant

Hi all

so thought I’d post an update.

turns out my ex was cheating on me with the other woman from November, he gas lighted me and had me thinking I was crazy!

after seeking therapy I discovered my ex is a narcissist with sociopathic tendencies, he has mentally abused every single woman he has ever dated, took from them financially, mentally and physically, it has been so hard to try and recover and I still have a way to go, but I now have a new career (he convinced me to give up my job before he left) I have my family and friends surrounding me (he isolated me before he left) I am financially secure (he left me in debt) my children and myself are so much happier and contented (we were walking on egg shells when he was here) ‘my health is better my anxiety has dissapeared.

I can’t believe I was so blinded to his abuse for 4 years, accepting the cheating, put downs, the idealising me and then devaluing me, the mind games and bullying! Happy to say I’m so much stronger and wiser now, he will never be accepted back in to my life ever again.

if you’re dealing with a narcissist, my advice is to run, cut all contact and don’t look back x

June 11, 2017 at 7:56 am #152692

Anonymous
Guest

Dear Lara sharp:

Thank you for returning to your thread with an update- reporting of the progress and recovery you made happen since February. Congratulations! I second your “cut contact and don’t look back” advice regarding narcissists, which I believe you mean people who lack empathy toward others and hurt others for the purpose of benefiting themselves (making their relationships Win/Lose propositions: they Win in some way, the other Loses. Is that your definition of narcissists?

anita

June 11, 2017 at 10:40 am #152708

Eliana
Participant

Hi Lara,

I’m sorry, I came to your post late, I just joined a few days ago. I was going to write you a long letter, because I was living with a bnarcissist in 1997, which ended up being the worst break-up I ever had. Here is something he told me one night. “I have everything, you have nothing” and you know what I did? Nothing! Just went to our bedroom, slammed the door and have him the silent treatment, instead of leaving him, I spent that night in a hotel room. 4 awful months later, we had an ahorrendous, break-up. I was so in love, I lived in denial. Stupid me, but I learned from it.

I’m glad to hear you are doing better now, I was worried when I read your posts, and I saw my past in them with him. Keep us posted..and stay strong.

June 11, 2017 at 10:46 am #152710

Eliana
Participant

Hi,

Did I get your name wrong? Some people are writing Dory, I thought the original poster was Lara. I apologize.

June 11, 2017 at 11:08 am #152712

Lara sharp
Participant

Hi, I changed my name so he wouldn’t find me.

so what I mean by a narcissis is a guy who may as well if stood in front of me with a mirror as everything he had me believe about him was a lie, instead he was reflecting my morals, beliefs and my personality back on to me, I felt I had met my soul mate, in the beginning he made me feel so attractive, desirable and loved.

this changed quickly however, he would give me the silent treatment, blocking my number, dissapearing to his sisters as he would say I didn’t make him feel loved or appreciated, I didn’t take his feelings seriously, (usually after I had begged him to help me around the house or financially) as he did nothing! He earned £40 grand a year and yet made me pay all the bills, family outings etc, I had to work split shifts and as fast as I earned he drank it all away.

he would accuse me of cheating when he was the one fooling around, cause arguments over me chatting to make friends that I stopped, asked who I was trying to impress with my makeup so I stopped wearing it. Told me people who relied on benefits were scum and then after making me quit my job and refusing to support our family forced me to claim benefits.

he would love me one day, yet look at me in disgust the next, when he left I didn’t know anything was wrong, he had been so loving towards me.

and this is why I can honestly say, that despite his attempts to hoover me back in, taking his new victim on our holiday to France I would never go back, that man almost destroyed my soul, I know I deserve so much more as do my children, I see myself as a survivor not a victim and I won’t let him win x
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