I am in my late 40s and have been in a “situationship” for almost two years (you know that gray area between a NSA/FWB relationship and a committed relationship). We started together at the tail end of failing marriages, looking for a mostly physical relationship. His wife left shortly after we met, and, for personal, health reasons (mine), I could not leave my husband for another 10 months. He did not want his wife to leave. I wanted my marriage to end for years, and meeting this man was the catalyst for having to courage to leave a toxic situation.  Shortly after we started our relationship, I “caught” feelings and felt like I fell in love. It has been two years of his being hot and cold, a true rollercoaster ride, coming close then pulling away when he felt it was getting too close for him. On the one hand, he says he still only wants the physical part of the relationship and friendship, but on the other hand he keeps coming back every time we try to leave one another. I feel like I am the one driving the relationship, including when we see each other.

We communicate every day for almost two years (except for the several “breaks” we have taken), and I have been a source of support for him as he deals with some needy family members and sadly a son with a serious drug problem who still lives at home. In fact both of his adult children still live with him. He also works 6 days per week in his own business. So I get he has a lot going on. However, he says he sees how wonderful I am, we have a really great physical and mental connection, and we are physically exclusive with each other, yet he does not want a committed relationship (i.e., accountability to another person and opening his heart) and while he says he may see one in the future, he does not know when and if that will happen. He has self-described walls up, does not want to take them down right now and just wants to keep things status quo. He says he does not love me but has feelings for me…sometimes he says they are strong, sometimes not. I am also a secret – after two years, only a few of his friends know about me. He says he is concerned about how his son who is on drugs will react because he was devastated when his mom left.

I have always been the type of person who feels like if someone really loves you, they will find a place for you in their lives because they do not want a life without you. However, I do have compassion for his situation with his son and his sadness over his wife leaving (he has been with her since he has been a teenager and he is in his mid-40s), which, almost two years later, he is finally coming to terms with – because she only just recently told him she is not coming back (she feels he is selfish with his time and his emotions). And, he was devastated, which, of course, hurt me to no end because of my feelings for him.

I keep trying to leave but I have a hard time staying away.  He has been nothing but honest with me about his intentions, although he does waffle back and forth a bit, and sometimes feels badly he is stringing me along, which he says he does not want to do. I grapple with the decision to either just  enjoy the moment (which is now two years of “moments”) or wanting a shared intention for our relationship and hoping he will come around, especially now that his wife is definitely not coming back, his son with the drug issues possibly going into the military, and his older son is moving out soon.

Thank you for reading and for your responses.

• This topic was modified 7 years, 2 months ago by tinybuddha.
• This topic was modified 7 years, 2 months ago by RoxySue.