Dear Lost Soul,

I am no expert on relationships, but if you are open to another opinion, I would like to share. I know you are wanting to get married but at 27 years old, you still have time. Enjoy dating him and have fun and just relax. I felt like in your post that you kind of putting pressure on him as well as yourself about commitment. If you don’t stress too much over it, and he is the one. He will come around. I would give it a year. You don’t to force into a marriage that isnt right for either of you.

alibro991

Dear Lost soul:

Your question in the title of your thread is: “have I done the right thing”?

Clearly you did do the right thing by breaking up with him. You did the right thing breaking up with him last year. You want to get married and he does not, or his family doesn’t and he needs their approval.

But notice this: you can’t expect “stability and assurance of future from a man who is “very confused and doesn’t know what he wants”- he doesn’t have in him the stability that you want him to give you. It doesn’t matter if you ask him to give you those things, he doesn’t have it to give to you.

How did he treat you poorly (you mentioned that in your original post)?

anita

Dear Lost soul:

Then if he did marry you, this would be your marriage: him ignoring you, bailing on plans to go out on a date or spend time together at home while he goes out with friends, coming back home when he wants to?

Therefore I think it was the wrong move on your part to suggest to him that he marries you.

Make sure next time you meet a man and before you suggest to get married, that the marriage you hope for will be something good for you, not something that will bring you a lifetime of distress!

anita

Lost soul,

I ran across a Julia Roberts quote that seems relevant to what you last posted.  “Women are not rehabilitation centers for badly raised men.  It is NOT your job to fix him, change him, parent him, or raise him.  You want a partner, not a project.”

People usually don’t change.  When someone says they will “work on it” then fine.  He can prove it by leaving and coming back after he changes not while in the relationship.  “Working on it” sounds like the Yoda saying, “Do or do not. There is no try.”

I want stability and an assurance of future, to which he said he can’t. So I told him that we should end it, because we both want different things, to which he said let’s just move on.

Believe him and move on.

Mark

Dear Lost soul:

You wrote: “I am scared that I will invest my time in this and he will end it six months down the line”-

But in your original post you wrote: “when I asked him if he plans to marry me, he said it will be hard convincing his family”. Later you wrote: “I know his family and they don’t ever agree. In fact once when I removed the topic he said he will never go against his family”.

Well, if his family will never agree that he marries you and he will never go against them, then there is an absolute ZERO chance of marriage with him.

So why are you at all considering a “six months down the line”?

anita

Dear Lost soul:

So you told him that you shouldn’t be in contact but you are waiting for him to decide for you if you should be in contact?

anita