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Giving up on relationships

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Viewing 6 posts - 1 through 6 (of 6 total)
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  • June 24, 2018 at 7:41 am #213905
    Jay-me
    Participant

    Hi all

    I have written here about relationships, and today i am letting all go. I have tried them all out i just cannot deal with them anymore. I am not sure giving up on them is a good idea, i was once single and i felt depressed and lonely. I feel like i am desperate and date anyone that comes my way. I dont know what to anymore. I feel depressed already with the thought of being single and relatioships that are not working out. I am tired of changing guys. I wish to get a person i can spend the rest of my life with. I am 29 years of age and i feel ready for commitment, or maybe yeaning commitment is killing all the fun of dating. But no relationship of mine survive after the honeymoon phase. Any suggestion or advise is welcom. Being single or keep trying…

    June 24, 2018 at 8:19 am #213911
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Jay-me:

    (I realized just a moment ago that I didn’t answer your last reply on your previous thread. I must have not been aware at the time that you did reply to me).

    From reviewing a bit your previous threads and from memory, it is my understanding that you didn’t function effectively so far in relationships with men. Too many assumptions, lack of honest, direct communication with a man, misunderstandings… sort of operating in the dark.

    For as long as the light is not turned on, better give up  on relationships. Only when you are committed to learning how to function better in the context of relationships, how to evaluate a man before getting into a relationship and then, how to conduct a relationship, then it may be a good idea to get involved in yet another – but this time a promising- relationship.

    anita

    June 24, 2018 at 8:35 am #213913
    Jay-me
    Participant

    Thank you Anita

    I am feeling empty and lonely and lost in terms of relationship, it is as if i dnt know which way to go. I am hopeless, you are right i no longer know how to opertate and fumction in a relationship. I dont want to grow old alone i have the fear.

    But i guess i have to take a very difficult route of being single for some time. But i have tried it before. What will be different this time. I came back to dating worse than before. Its as if i dont know how to love anymore.

    June 24, 2018 at 8:52 am #213915
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Jay-me:

    You can do the following, take the time when you feel calm and comfortable and re-read your previous threads on this website, slowly, take your time, maybe over a few days or weeks. Read your posts, read the replies, take notes, like a student on an online course. Then review your notes, re-write, edit your notes and see what comes up as you do so. You can post here, on this thread, what comes up for you, what thoughts, questions. I will read and reply. We can communicate, back and forth, and maybe the learning I suggested can take place, for you (and for me).

    anita

    June 24, 2018 at 1:52 pm #213937
    Mark
    Participant

    Jay-me,

    I suggest that you practice making friends.  Do you have platonic relationships with men?  Perhaps that is the way to start.

    Do you know why you are not able to keep a romantic relationship?  Find the pattern in why your past relationships had failed.  Do some inner research.  Usually it is because of your family-of-origin from your primary caregiver that you had difficulty with and then this is repeated in your subsequent relationships, i.e. you attract/are attracted to someone with similar characteristics and traits.

    Mark

     

    June 24, 2018 at 9:53 pm #213957
    just_let_go
    Participant

    Hi Jay.

    I can 100% relate to how you’re feeling, having just being jumped by a girl I thought was “the one.”

    It sounds to me that you need to be alone for a while. I think that it would be extremely healthy for you to be alone, feel lonely, feel all the feelings of being on your own, and learn to thrive in them. Try to find different avenues of companionship that are not relationships. Friends, family, hobbies, adventures. I think this would be very good for you.

    By doing this, I think we set ourselves up better for the next person who comes along. It makes us less reliant on the relationship for happiness, as we have already found happiness in all the other places. This is a much more promising start to a relationship, and something I had to learn the hard way.

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