Dear grounded:

You are welcome.

He texted you Thursday: “You were right about dating sites. stupid. deleted them all”, and you didn’t respond to him Thurs, Fri, Sat, Sun, Mon., correct?

And he didn’t text you anything since?

anita

Dear grounded:

Reads like it, that he hasn’t “fully figured things out yet”. In that message he sent you about deleting dating sites, he didn’t indicate that he is no longer interesting in dating other women. He may have deleted dating sites, but maybe he will be trying meetup groups to meet women, or some other way. And he definitely didn’t indicate that he is interested in dating you exclusively.

I think it is wise of you to not respond and let him figure things out.

anita

Dear grounded:

You wrote: “I don’t know what he wants”. I don’t think he knows what he wants either because you shared on another thread: “He didn’t have a job for almost a year, he just got employed in November but hates his job, he applied for the military but isn’t sure what he wants to do… he’s figuring out his life and what he wants”-

This  means he can’t make future plans with you, can’t commit to you or to any other woman. He is on dating sites and hooked up with you twice or so after the breakup, last time was New Year, so he is interested in sex and some fun and dating, but he doesn’t have plans. He is considering options, probably is under great stress having to choose, not knowing what to do.

I figure best thing you can do is to give up and let go of the idea of resuming a girlfriend/boyfriend relationship with him, don’t you think?

anita

Dear grounded:

Losing a friend group is unfortunately what often happens when a romantic relationship with one member in the group ends.

“How do  I give up and let go of the idea of being together with him?”-

-by being grounded in reality, like your name suggests, being grounded. For as long as you are floating above ground in bubbles of Fantasy, you are not grounded in Reality.

I can try to help you with the How through a back and forth communication with you. If you are interested, let’s start: tell me about the Fantasy, what wishful thoughts and very pleasant  feelings are in experiencing when you find yourself floating in a bubble of Fantasy?

anita

Dear grounded:

The Fantasy is what you were hoping for, with him, how you saw your future with him. It is that imagining that is fueling your attachment to him, feeding your “wanting to hear from him”.

Do you want to elaborate on that imagining, how you saw the future with him?

anita

Dear grounded:

Is this ex boyfriend the same guy about which you wrote on your thread March 2017:

“I am still waiting for  him to come back even though I know that he won’t. I am waiting for the happiness that he made me feel and to be happy like I was in the past (when I was with him). I can’t remember a time before him when I was happy and when I ask myself what do I really want, I can’t come up with any answers”-

or is he a different guy?

anita

Dear grounded:

What I find true to many people is the following, and I will express it as a situation for a woman, not specifically you or me, but a woman, in theory for the moment, let me know if this speaks to you:

she is in her 20s, or 30s, or  older. She is lonely and sad. There is a despair about her, some sort of hopelessness. But it is not new, it’s been so every since she was a child. Not all the time, but a lot. An experience of being alone. As a woman she feels the same as she did then and she falls in love with this guy or that guy, daydreams of being together happily-ever-after.

Never again Alone.

There is a gap between fantasy and reality. In reality, a relationship with a man cannot bring a happily-ever-after together kind of feeling, there is together, and there is alone, and we are sad sometimes in the relationship, and sometimes he is sad, and distressed, and we have to endure these things because life is not a fairytale. Fairytales are about Fantasy and daydreaming, they make us feel good but expecting to live those, that brings us misery and we do find ourselves alone.

What do you think?

anita