Getting a Temporary Restraining Order & Other Anxieties

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This topic has 3 replies, 4 voices, and was last updated 9 years, 7 months ago by Kath.

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March 20, 2015 at 12:58 pm #74201

Caitlin Perrone
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I am a 21 year old girl and dated a man for 2 1/2 years before we broke up last July. He was physically abusive to me throughout our relationship, as well as sometimes damaging my things and hurting my dog. After we broke up he assaulted me once more. Since December 2014 or so, we decided to begin talking again and see where our relationship would lead. He began to be verbally abusive- threatening to kill me, ruin my life, ruin my career, etc. He is currently interning at the police department in my town and more than anything wants to be a cop- therefore taking legal/police action against him would hurt his chances. He threatened to kill me if anything happened to his career because of me. On Wednesday I became fearful when a police officer showed up to my office and told me that he would be let go of his internship and to go get a restraining order. I did go get one and it was granted. Now I have a court date next week and I am second guessing everything. I am nervous to see him and for him to be angry with me. I am scared to see his family. I am scared to ruin his life. I know that I am in danger but I hate that what me protecting myself will do to him. I am struggling with the conflicting need to protect myself and him.

March 20, 2015 at 1:20 pm #74202
George
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Dear cperrone

Are you protecting someone behaving like that when you help him avoid the consquences of his behavior?
If you really want to help him, you should procceed with the restraining order. That way he will learn a lot about what happens when you systematically abuse a person, what means enforcement of law-the irony of it being that he wishes to represent law enforcement.
I think that even if he loses his opportunity to join the police this is not your fault, you are not destroying his life, you are saving yours! He destroyed his life by himself with his actions! You may actually be giving this man a second chance to learn from his terrible mistakes and make him self a better man.

You are only responsible for your life and your actions. Not for the actions of others.

Take care, have Hope
George
- This reply was modified 9 years, 7 months ago by George.
March 21, 2015 at 8:16 am #74214

Inky
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Dear cperrone,

You simply must protect yourself! The fact that a cop warned you and told you what to do is a sign from God that this is NOT in your head! Please get a second, bigger dog, take self defense classes and get a male roommate/tenant. Moving and getting another job might be good options if you can swing it! None of my suggestions are “fair”, but he’s not fair, treating you this way. Don’t even talk to him! Go ghost. Let him rage himself out ~ alone.

Good Luck and God Bless!!

Inky

March 23, 2015 at 2:05 am #74295

Kath
Participant

Dear cperrone,
he is responsible for his own actions, and you are responsible for your own wellbeing!
Apart from that you might even consider yourself having a moral obligation: If you protect him you are giving him a free pass to do all he did to you to others as well! Do you really think there should be a cop on the street who threatens, abuses and hurts people? What do you think will happen if he gets into a secure position within the police force? He would have even more power over other people then!

By protecting yourself you are also protecting lots of other people!

Still, this is not to be taken lightly, and it’s very understandable that you are scared, because this guy is scary! So take good care of yourself, be careful, and try to get as many people whom you trust to help and support you as possible!
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