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Helcat.
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May 30, 2024 at 1:01 pm #433314
Simon
ParticipantHello everyone
so I find myself here again looking for some advice. I’m in a pretty poor state of mind currently completely burnt out with stress from every corner of my life. Business, relationship, finances a completely spent force running on less than fumes. 52 years of age this year. My fifties have been tough so far starting to feel old a real realisation of being on the wrong side of the hill. I feel that I am just done with life, well western life anyway. I have this idea that far eastern lifestyles are more mindful and fulfilling hence my title for this post. I have lived a very full on life since I was 18 years old with lots of life’s experiences I seem to have had everything I wished for and lived all of my dreams. The saying be careful what you wish for is so true in my case as I have had it all which I why I now feel there is nothing left for me. I’m not saying I want to check out completely but I can’t do the next 30 years if I get that long doing what I’m doing. I need to change my habits I know but in my local town where I’ve been for 50 years I find it’ll be extremely difficult. Maybe you’d all have some ideas for me.
May 30, 2024 at 5:59 pm #433328anita
ParticipantDear Simon:
Welcome back to the forums! We first communicated back in Feb 22, 2022, in your 1st thread What’s my purpose, who am I? On Oct 2, 2023, page 4 of your 1st thread, I submitted a summary post for you, putting together all the information you shared in the 4 pages. You didn’t respond to the contents of my summary post.
Would you like to respond to that post at this time, to let me know if you agree or disagree with different parts of my summary: it will help me better reply to your today’s post, in this 2nd thread.
anita
May 30, 2024 at 7:52 pm #433333Helcat
ParticipantHi Simon
I’m sorry to hear that you’re feeling burnt out in every corner of your life. Would you like to talk about it?
I don’t think that eastern lifestyles are more peaceful, there is a culture of overwork, similar to America.
Perhaps you have a specific idea of what you might be attracted to in this idea of an Asian lifestyle that you have?
These things are so personal what makes us happy and gives our lives meaning. It’s very much individual to the person and means exploring your core values. What do you care about?
I think that if you’re feeling burnt out and stressed seeking balance might be helpful. Focusing on downtime and relaxing can be helpful. What do you do to relax?
Problem solving can be helpful for any difficulties in your life. Do you have strategies for addressing the issues with your business, relationship and finances?
You mentioned feeling like you have it all so what is left. Practicing gratitude and meditation can benefit happiness, helping you to appreciate what you do have. Sometimes the difference between happiness and unhappiness is nothing changing except your state of mind. Savouring the small every day good moments can be a place to start. And if you don’t have those, try to work some into your life.
For me, I enjoy food, watching a good television show, socialising, completing a goal. Appreciating when my husband or anyone else does something nice for me is another thing too.
Wishing you all the best! ❤️🙏
May 31, 2024 at 9:10 am #433347anita
ParticipantDear Simon:
“I’m in a pretty poor state of mind currently completely burnt out with stress from every corner of my life (May 30, 2024)”- as I re-read this sentence today, I thought to myself that you may be too stressed and burned out to read the post that I submitted to you back in Oct 2, 2023.
Here is a summary of that post, a summary of what you shared back in Feb 2022: you were close to 50 years old, married and a father of five (3 different mothers), owning your own home and your own business (a very busy cafe where you were the chef), but you have been depressed and feeling lonely for more than 30 years. You shared that if one was to see you, one would see a “successful father, husband, good guy“, but it was a false image, and you didn’t know how “to keep the pretense going“.
“My wife tells me I behave awfully as I swear at her and belittle her at work. I really don’t mean to, I have mental health issues, and I am so worried our business will fail. I feel I am… the one holding it all together. I worry so much I lash out with (words) and everyone suffers… I feel so bad about my behaviour, but it’s like I have Tourette’s with the insults, it happens so fast. I have obsessive compulsive personality disorder for which I am taking medication, and receiving therapy. I don’t see it absolves me at all, the fear of losing control is so overwhelming I abuse everyone I hate myself”.
You shared that you noticed that you were troubled around 18 years of age (more than 30 years ago) when you had your first serious girlfriend: you didn’t trust her, but the relationship ended- not because of her infidelity- but because of yours. You shared about your parents’ breakup, that it was due to your mother’s infidelity. You remember “extreme shouting and swearing” between your parents, which “sounded pretty violent“. They were out a lot at nights, and extended family members looked after you and your siblings.
You shared that you rushed into every situation in your life (“I rushed into every situation that I have found myself in“) with massive consequences to yourself and to others, such that you feel very guilty about. The reason you rushed: “To not be alone… I’m just too afraid to be alone“, that you were afraid to be left alone since you were a child: “lying in bed next to my sister as a child in the dark, wanting someone to talk to. That’s been the story of my life“. I asked you at the time, if you had someone to talk to, what would you say, and you answered: “I’d say please don’t leave me“.
Fast forward 2 years and 3 months, you shared yesterday that you are “in a pretty poor state of mind“, “burnt out with stress from every corner of my life. Business, relationship, finances, a completely spent force running on less than fumes”.
You ended your short original post yesterday with: “I have lived a very full on life since I was 18 years old with lots of life’s experiences I seem to have had everything I wished for and lived all of my dreams… I need to change my habits… Maybe you’d all have some ideas for me.“-
– Yes, I have an idea for you: just like you said yesterday (the quote right above), you need to change some of your habits, particularly The Rushing Habit. You need to slow down the emotions rushing through you, the thoughts rushing through your mind, the words rushing through your mouth.
You wrote yesterday that you lived “a very full life“- your life has been full with activity and with some business and financial success, but it’s also been very full with rushing and stress. You wrote yesterday that you seem to have had everything you wished for, that you lived all your dreams, but seems to me that your wish for and dream of a quiet mind and heart is yet to be had.
I am adding below about different religions’ input about rushing, stress and peace of mind for your sake, Simon, for mine, and for anyone who tends to rush, and may be reading this (if because of the copying and pasting, the following will be full of excess print, I will re-submit it for clarity):
faith up. com/ what does the bible say about rushing: “Rushing through life is something many of us can relate to. We live in a fast-paced world where everything seems urgent, but what does the Bible say about always being in a hurry? Let’s dive into Scripture to find some answers. One key verse that speaks to the issue of rushing is Proverbs 19:2 (NIV), which warns us, ‘Desire without knowledge is not good—how much more will hasty feet miss the way!’ This proverb tells us that moving too quickly, without proper knowledge or preparation, can lead us astray. It’s a clear caution against the dangers of rushing through decisions or actions without thoughtful consideration. Similarly, Ecclesiastes 3:1-8 reminds us there is ‘a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens.’ This passage encourages us to recognize the importance of timing. There’s a time to move quickly, yes, but there’s also a time to slow down and reflect”.
(ihsan alexander. com/ hadith haste is from shaytan: “When we live lives of haste and rush, we increase the stress burden upon our psyches and also upon our bodies. This then results in both psychological as well as physical imbalances and diseases. Yet when we learn to live from a place of calm and presence, we increase the level of peace, harmony and tranquility we experience in our lives. Consequently, our health becomes more vibrant and vital, we actually become more successful and effective as a result of a clear and focused mind, and even our personal relationships improve and attain greater levels of health and wellbeing. Calm is from God, and haste is from Shaytan— Prophet Muhammad…
“The Divine Presence of God can only be experienced through deep inner stillness and surrender. When we live in a state of haste and rush, we further disconnect ourselves from the Divine Presence of our Lord and Sustainer, and so we become disconnected from Peace, Light, Love, Abundance and Joy”.
medium. com/ why I am not in a hurry and you shouldn’t be either: “In today’s fast-paced world, you often find yourself in a hurry in the hope of achieving quick results… Have you noticed how less of a human you are when you are in a rush? How you could flip off another driver in traffic? How you could brush off your mom on the call? Or snub at your son with the words, ‘Not now, Daddy is in a hurry.’…
“Being in a hurry is not solely a visible action. It is an internal state that comes from the human desire to speed up time in the hope of achieving the result faster. We may also say, it is an internal aggression toward time. In Buddhism, being in a hurry is generally seen as a state of mind that arises from attachment, craving, and a lack of mindfulness. Buddhism teaches that hastiness leads to suffering and a loss of presence in the present moment… People who speed up time drastically lower their energy levels and start getting chronic fatigue and sick… (causing) accelerated aging…
“A rushing person never controls the situation... the one who rushes is the one who is late. Now after reading all the above, you are probably thinking, ok great what shall I do?! “Smile, breathe, and go slowly.” ~Thich Nhat Hanh. The truth is if you stop rushing, you are far more likely (to) do everything on time! Yep, that’s a contradiction. Rushing and being late are two sides of the same coin. You can’t have one without the other… You must let go of rushing, internally as well as externally. It’s as much a mindset as a behavior that you are letting go of”.
– End of Quotes from online sources.
anita
May 31, 2024 at 9:28 am #433349Simon
ParticipantOmg what an amazing lengthy response, thank you Anita. I scanned through it quickly but will give my full attention and the respect it deserves later this evening.
May 31, 2024 at 11:02 am #433351anita
ParticipantYou are welcome, Simon. Good to read back from you. Take all the time that you need to reply further (no rushing..).
anita
June 4, 2024 at 4:23 am #433432Simon
Participant[quote quote=433333]Hi Simon I’m sorry to hear that you’re feeling burnt out in every corner of your life. Would you like to talk about it? I don’t think that eastern lifestyles are more peaceful, there is a culture of overwork, similar to America. Perhaps you have a specific idea of what you might be attracted to in this idea of an Asian lifestyle that you have? These things are so personal what makes us happy and gives our lives meaning. It’s very much individual to the person and means exploring your core values. What do you care about? I think that if you’re feeling burnt out and stressed seeking balance might be helpful. Focusing on downtime and relaxing can be helpful. What do you do to relax? Problem solving can be helpful for any difficulties in your life. Do you have strategies for addressing the issues with your business, relationship and finances? You mentioned feeling like you have it all so what is left. Practicing gratitude and meditation can benefit happiness, helping you to appreciate what you do have. Sometimes the difference between happiness and unhappiness is nothing changing except your state of mind. Savouring the small every day good moments can be a place to start. And if you don’t have those, try to work some into your life. For me, I enjoy food, watching a good television show, socialising, completing a goal. Appreciating when my husband or anyone else does something nice for me is another thing too. Wishing you all the best! ❤️🙏[/quote]hello and thank you for your reply I am from the UK. Yes I am burnt out in every corner. I feel like I have been battling all of my life since I was 18 years of age to find peace and direction for myself. I’m now 52 and can not face the future feeling this way of being detached from life just wanting to be quiet in my mind. I talk of the eastern way of life referring to their religious beliefs maybe Buddhism springs to mind perhaps that’s what I mean. I dream of going to a monastery in Thailand or china to recharge and reset my mind. I don’t seem to enjoy the daily pleasures which other people around me do. Everybody seems so excited about their latest Costa coffee or latest waffle with ice cream and maple syrup. Everything seems so materialistic to me without any depth to it so shallow.”have you tried the latest burger with skin on fries they’re so good” it’s the same with cars houses holidays everything seems to be a competition that I don’t want to be in. I don’t have any strategies in place as I can’t seem to ever be consistent I think this may be due to having ADHD and anxiety issues. When I said I have it all, I meant that I gained all the things I wished for, my own business a loving wife a family my own home but still I am empty. I read and listen to heaps of self help books but still can not find my happiness I am a tortured soul.
June 4, 2024 at 9:51 am #433447Roberta
ParticipantDear Simon
You do not need to travel far there as many buddhist centres in the UK (that is if you are still living there) a lot of them do guided weekend & week long retreats there you should hopefully meet people who too are looking for something beyond a trivial & shallow way of life. Remember that where ever you go, there you are. So are you running away from something? or are you wanting to grow & cultivate your wisdom & compassion?
For the last 50 plus years humanity has been bombarded with advertising and education that pushes the individualism over the community & environment so no wonder a large section feels disconnected & dissatisfied. Volunteering & being out in nature should help you start to reconnect with your inner peace & vitality.
June 4, 2024 at 12:53 pm #433467Simon
ParticipantThank you Roberta, it’s typical of me to dismiss something in this country as not good enough for me or authentic. if I’m not getting something which I believe to be the best or original source I give no credit which is an awful trait. This is only something that is played out in my mind believe me I’m the most humble person you could meet. this internal dialogue of things not being good enough has plagued me at every minute of my life. I was a barber for 20 years but I truly believe that because I didn’t do a traditional apprenticeship in a barbershop I am not good enough. I am a chef running my own business but because I’ve not been to culinary college or trained by the best I give myself no credit. It’s been this way since I started dating which I’ve touched on in a previous thread. I think once I became interested in the opposite sex my self worth became apparent and I’ve never felt good enough in any way shape or form hating on myself for 34 years
June 4, 2024 at 1:10 pm #433469Simon
Participant[quote quote=433349]Omg what an amazing lengthy response, thank you Anita. I scanned through it quickly but will give my full attention and the respect it deserves later this evening.[/quote][quote quote=433347]Dear Simon: “I’m in a pretty poor state of mind currently completely burnt out with stress from every corner of my life (May 30, 2024)”- as I re-read this sentence today, I thought to myself that you may be too stressed and burned out to read the post that I submitted to you back in Oct 2, 2023. Here is a summary of that post, a summary of what you shared back in Feb 2022: you were close to 50 years old, married and a father of five (3 different mothers), owning your own home and your own business (a very busy cafe where you were the chef), but you have been depressed and feeling lonely for more than 30 years. You shared that if one was to see you, one would see a “successful father, husband, good guy“, but it was a false image, and you didn’t know how “to keep the pretense going“. “My wife tells me I behave awfully as I swear at her and belittle her at work. I really don’t mean to, I have mental health issues, and I am so worried our business will fail. I feel I am… the one holding it all together. I worry so much I lash out with (words) and everyone suffers… I feel so bad about my behaviour, but it’s like I have Tourette’s with the insults, it happens so fast. I have obsessive compulsive personality disorder for which I am taking medication, and receiving therapy. I don’t see it absolves me at all, the fear of losing control is so overwhelming I abuse everyone I hate myself”. You shared that you noticed that you were troubled around 18 years of age (more than 30 years ago) when you had your first serious girlfriend: you didn’t trust her, but the relationship ended- not because of her infidelity- but because of yours. You shared about your parents’ breakup, that it was due to your mother’s infidelity. You remember “extreme shouting and swearing” between your parents, which “sounded pretty violent“. They were out a lot at nights, and extended family members looked after you and your siblings. You shared that you rushed into every situation in your life (“I rushed into every situation that I have found myself in“) with massive consequences to yourself and to others, such that you feel very guilty about. The reason you rushed: “To not be alone… I’m just too afraid to be alone“, that you were afraid to be left alone since you were a child: “lying in bed next to my sister as a child in the dark, wanting someone to talk to. That’s been the story of my life“. I asked you at the time, if you had someone to talk to, what would you say, and you answered: “I’d say please don’t leave me“. Fast forward 2 years and 3 months, you shared yesterday that you are “in a pretty poor state of mind“, “burnt out with stress from every corner of my life. Business, relationship, finances, a completely spent force running on less than fumes”. You ended your short original post yesterday with: “I have lived a very full on life since I was 18 years old with lots of life’s experiences I seem to have had everything I wished for and lived all of my dreams… I need to change my habits… Maybe you’d all have some ideas for me.“- – Yes, I have an idea for you: just like you said yesterday (the quote right above), you need to change some of your habits, particularly The Rushing Habit. You need to slow down the emotions rushing through you, the thoughts rushing through your mind, the words rushing through your mouth. You wrote yesterday that you lived “a very full life“- your life has been full with activity and with some business and financial success, but it’s also been very full with rushing and stress. You wrote yesterday that you seem to have had everything you wished for, that you lived all your dreams, but seems to me that your wish for and dream of a quiet mind and heart is yet to be had. I am adding below about different religions’ input about rushing, stress and peace of mind for your sake, Simon, for mine, and for anyone who tends to rush, and may be reading this (if because of the copying and pasting, the following will be full of excess print, I will re-submit it for clarity): faith up. com/ what does the bible say about rushing: “Rushing through life is something many of us can relate to. We live in a fast-paced world where everything seems urgent, but what does the Bible say about always being in a hurry? Let’s dive into Scripture to find some answers. One key verse that speaks to the issue of rushing is Proverbs 19:2 (NIV), which warns us, ‘Desire without knowledge is not good—how much more will hasty feet miss the way!’ This proverb tells us that moving too quickly, without proper knowledge or preparation, can lead us astray. It’s a clear caution against the dangers of rushing through decisions or actions without thoughtful consideration. Similarly, Ecclesiastes 3:1-8 reminds us there is ‘a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens.’ This passage encourages us to recognize the importance of timing. There’s a time to move quickly, yes, but there’s also a time to slow down and reflect”. (ihsan alexander. com/ hadith haste is from shaytan: “When we live lives of haste and rush, we increase the stress burden upon our psyches and also upon our bodies. This then results in both psychological as well as physical imbalances and diseases. Yet when we learn to live from a place of calm and presence, we increase the level of peace, harmony and tranquility we experience in our lives. Consequently, our health becomes more vibrant and vital, we actually become more successful and effective as a result of a clear and focused mind, and even our personal relationships improve and attain greater levels of health and wellbeing. Calm is from God, and haste is from Shaytan— Prophet Muhammad… “The Divine Presence of God can only be experienced through deep inner stillness and surrender. When we live in a state of haste and rush, we further disconnect ourselves from the Divine Presence of our Lord and Sustainer, and so we become disconnected from Peace, Light, Love, Abundance and Joy”. medium. com/ why I am not in a hurry and you shouldn’t be either: “In today’s fast-paced world, you often find yourself in a hurry in the hope of achieving quick results… Have you noticed how less of a human you are when you are in a rush? How you could flip off another driver in traffic? How you could brush off your mom on the call? Or snub at your son with the words, ‘Not now, Daddy is in a hurry.’… “Being in a hurry is not solely a visible action. It is an internal state that comes from the human desire to speed up time in the hope of achieving the result faster. We may also say, it is an internal aggression toward time. In Buddhism, being in a hurry is generally seen as a state of mind that arises from attachment, craving, and a lack of mindfulness. Buddhism teaches that hastiness leads to suffering and a loss of presence in the present moment… People who speed up time drastically lower their energy levels and start getting chronic fatigue and sick… (causing) accelerated aging… “A rushing person never controls the situation... the one who rushes is the one who is late. Now after reading all the above, you are probably thinking, ok great what shall I do?! “Smile, breathe, and go slowly.” ~Thich Nhat Hanh. The truth is if you stop rushing, you are far more likely (to) do everything on time! Yep, that’s a contradiction. Rushing and being late are two sides of the same coin. You can’t have one without the other… You must let go of rushing, internally as well as externally. It’s as much a mindset as a behavior that you are letting go of”. – End of Quotes from online sources. anita
[/quote] hi anita you’re so wise that is my problem 100% everything i have ever done has been rush rush rush my jobs even gave me an opportunity to rush barbering cutting hair as quickly as i can to make money cooking in my cafe quickly making meals to get people in and out of the restaurant. I think I’ve touched on this before with a counsellor that I’m afraid of running out of time. I had kids for my grandparents so they would get to see them before they passed so I could call one of them after my absent father. I am always trying to look as far ahead to the future to safeguard myself and my family looking for every pitfall which has served me well but I am now exhausted by this personality. It’s scary to try and just stop and not rush but I think it’s the only choice I have which is why I feel that escaping to a monastery for a year would help
June 5, 2024 at 12:05 am #433486Helcat
ParticipantHi Simon
It is difficult to feel happy with high levels of anxiety. It’s really important to manage your anxiety and relax in some way.
Catastrophising and planning for worst case all of the time is exhausting. How often did the very worst case actually happen? I bet that most of the time things worked out okay and sometimes somewhere in the middle (not as good but not the worst). It sounds like you’re quite good at planning. There is something really important for you to know. When you are calm, you can plan just as effectively. Those skills are still there. Catastrophising is a mental trap that only serves to make you miserable and one of the things that keeps people doing it is the belief that it protects them. Disproving these things to yourself and building confidence in your calm planning skills can be really helpful.
Not feeling good enough is another thing to disprove to yourself. If your beliefs change it is much easier to be kind to yourself. This is an exercise that is helpful that should be done on a regular basis for a long time when you are feeling calmer (it can make things worse if you are not calm). Changing a belief doesn’t happen quickly.
The exercise is considering what a bad person is and what a good person is to you. Then you prove to yourself that you are a good person by writing down all of the good things about yourself. This could be characteristics that you like or actions that you do. Starting off small can be helpful. If you have difficulty, balancing out with some things you don’t like about yourself can feel more honest initially. Because it is hard to write good things about yourself when you aren’t used to it.
For example, my attempt at this exercise looks like. I take good care of my family and pets. I’m a loyal person. I comfort people when they are in pain. I’m kind. I always try my best.
Back when I started it would look more like. I picked up a strangers keys and returned them. I bought a friend a meal. I like that I’m intelligent. I feel weak because I’m anxious all of the time.
It can also be helpful to write down when people compliment you as well as who said it.
There’s a lot more for me to write. I just wanted to get this part of the way first. Beliefs are one really important part of why we are unhappy and working hard to change beliefs is helpful because no one can do it for us.
June 5, 2024 at 12:36 am #433487Helcat
ParticipantYou have tendencies of dismissing yourself as well as other things. You believe that you are not good at what you do because you are not trained. Yet, were a barber for 20 years. And you are a chef now. You have always had customers willing to pay money for your services. I bet that you have even undervalued what you do. A haircut can make people feel special. It can make them feel human instead of a mess. A lovely meal can bring a smile to someones face and fill their belly. Food is essential to life. If they didn’t eat well their mood would drop and their performance at work would suffer. You have helped a lot of people and I bet you don’t even recognize that. I would say that the quality of your work speaks for itself and the thing is that if you want to learn something you can. You don’t have to necessarily go on a course, but you can if you like. There are lots of successful people out in the world who don’t recognize their worth because they lack qualifications. I think it’s really unfair that society pushes this on people. You know, only the generation before you grew up learning on the job with very few qualifications. I have met lots of inspirational, hardworking, highly skilled, intelligent people who don’t have qualifications and it doesn’t make them any less as people.
You dismiss the local temples as being inauthentic. Buddhism sounds like a really good fit for you. It is all about lessening suffering. I think that Roberta’s idea of visiting local temples is a great one. You can still visit the authentic ones on holiday. Buddhism has been very helpful to me for lessening suffering. If there is even a small chance it could be helpful, isn’t it worth a visit?
You dismiss enjoying food as a shallow experience. Everyone enjoys different things. It’s okay for you not to enjoy it, especially considering your job. It doesn’t mean that other people are shallow though for enjoying something that you don’t. You value spirituality, so perform Buddhist spiritual practices everyday and let it bring you a few minutes of comfort in what you find meaningful.
Evidence shows that people who are judgemental of themselves are judgemental of others. If you work on being less judgemental to others, it can also help you.
Certain behaviours have a function for us. Protecting us from things. Dismissing is one of them. It can protect us from disappointment. What if I try and it doesn’t work out? It’s not helpful? What if it takes me out of my comfort zone? Going outside of my comfort zone is scary and it opens me up to being hurt. But there are good experiences that are also missed out on. Life can surprise you if you let it.
My number one advice is to learn from the people who have been through what you have and recovered. Number two is to have good experiences and spread time with good people.
June 5, 2024 at 1:43 am #433488Helcat
ParticipantI appreciate the difficulties with consistency with ADHD. You could plan to be inconsistent. Maybe you could reflect when you get home from work or any time you choose, you could even set an alarm to remind you. What would help me feel better right now? You have read lots of ideas in self-help books. Take a moment to try something. Note if it works, if it makes you feel a little better or a lot better, or if it doesn’t work. It doesn’t have to be the same thing every time.
I wonder if you are in physical pain? Being a chef is a hard job, I know people in their 20s trying to get out of it. Its impressive that you’re doing it in your 50s. I would imagine that it is starting to be uncomfortable. I’m sure that you could keep going for a while. But as you get older it will get worse. Have you thought about what you want to do for work in the future? It would be good to start planning something for your future that is sustainable and doesn’t leave you in a lot of pain.
I think that we have all had dreams of running away to a monastery. I think that is why holidays are appealing. You leave all of your problems behind at home temporarily. I don’t think that running away to a monastery would necessarily be helpful. Just putting off problems until later.
Another difficulty is facing the world as a man. Men do not get a lot of support. I think that it’s amazing that you’re learning all you can about how to manage your difficulties. That you’ve had counselling and that you are reaching out to people here. You deserve support! Please feel free to discuss anything you choose.
Another thing that I thought of as a barber is that you helped many people to change their lives. People get haircuts for job interviews all of the time and people are judged on their appearance in the first 30 seconds.
Love and best wishes! ❤️🙏
June 5, 2024 at 7:16 am #433499Simon
ParticipantCan I start by saying thank you and telling you that you are A.M.A.Z.I.N.G such an understanding of someone and their needs is so comforting to read it really helps.
Every word you have written is true I don’t ever look at my services like that and I do belittle everything I do as “ it’s just a haircut” and “it’s only a breakfast” anyone can do it. I put so little credit to these things myself so I suppose I am judgemental of others thinking they feel the same. I wish I knew where that came from I’d like to stop that.
I am in physical pain constantly from my feet all the way to my eyelids, years of standing on my feet I suppose but I do have good calf muscles 😂. I do my best to alleviate the aches and pains by taking up yoga recently and resting as much as possible(going to bed early). I don’t think being over 50 years of age can be underestimated either, it’s quite a physically wearing age I’m finding; which for someone who on and off has been fairly fit throughout their life.
You’re so right, holidays are where I am happiest and as I mentioned previously I’ve had a wonderful life with two daughters who’ve I had the most wonderful years with, watching them play and grow but who are now young women of 18 and 17 and are not my little girls anymore; which I’m finding so difficult as the family dynamics are completely changing. One is off to university and the other leaving high school to do A Levels there has been a lot of adjusting to them changing over the last few years things are not the same.
i do catastrophise everything it’s been my biggest problem. All the things i could have done but talked myself out of it preemptively foreseeing a disaster at every point. This I have to address before it’s too late.
June 5, 2024 at 8:46 am #433501Simon
ParticipantAlso can I add onto this while I’m thinking about it. whoever you all are, when I get these wonderful replies to my messages I fall in love with you. Why does this happen to me? my heart actually yearns for whoever you are to help me and I feel you can heal my life for me. I feel this way about lots of things careers, people, cars and motorbikes. I’ve read that this is an ADHD trait I hope this doesn’t put anyone off replying to me.
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