Ah, I so get where you’re coming from here. I could’ve written that post. Well, except for the having a thing for Asians. Lol.

Check out Osho’s work “Love and Aloneness”. Listen and read about what Osho says around love. Watch Noah Elkrief and Eckhart Tolle videos around relationships.

All the wanting & yearning over these people when you’re not with them is just degrading, it feels bad and doesn’t get you any closer to where you want to be. My advice would be to take up some kind of meditation such as mindfulness meditation, and when you notice those thoughts come up, just let them be without moving deeply into the reality they present.

There’s not enough time here to get involved in specifics, but to give you some general pointers that might help, choosing to eradicate neediness, cutting out the yearning that isn’t accompanied by positive action and having an independent sense of self that isn’t contingent on what other people think of you will be the freedom here that allows you to transcend all this stuff. In my own life, I am now peaceful and happy single, but it isn’t really what kind of relationship you’re in (or not, as the case may be) but more the place you’re coming from psychologically that matters. After all, you don’t want a relationship more than you want a peaceful life, do you? At the moment I assume you think a relationship will ‘make you peaceful’ on some level, but in reality, no relationship can delete all the thoughts in your head that make you unhappy. So what do you want more, a relationship or peace? I’m going to assume you value peace more. Therefore, work on developing yourself and then relationship or not, sex or not, you’ll be happy.

To be clear here, I’m going to follow the replies you get here with interest. I like Richard’s great advice. I can offer advice and benefit from it at the same time. 🙂

• This reply was modified 9 years, 10 months ago by Rock Banana.

Dear happinessseeker:
Prepare your next interaction: prepare for it to be a short interaction of a short time duration, set a goal for that short interaction, and set very limited, most limited expectation of what will constitute success in that interaction (nothing to do with her reaction, only with your performance). Then execute and leave the situation. Evaluate. Repeat if necessary. Evaluate. Prepare the next small step, the next short interaction. Goal. Expectations. Execute. Leave the situation. Evaluate and so forth. Over time you will learn through practice and extend the lenght in time of your interaction. Overthinking this is futile. Practice is necessary. Short duration practice is the way, I believe. Similar to running a marathon- you start small distance, slow, practice. Over time you build the confidence and whatever else it takes.
anita