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Friendship "Errgh"!

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  • June 5, 2016 at 7:26 pm #106597
    Inky
    Participant

    Hi Gang!

    So frustrated. I’m an introvert, so it takes a lot (A LOT!) for me to feel comfortable enough to have someone as a friend. It takes me ten years to say hello, basically. LOL

    Over the years I would stop by the store where I used to work, maybe three or four times a year. I’d see one of the girls who worked there and we’d get on like a house on fire. Eventually we were all, screw it, let’s be friends outside of the store!

    She wanted to go into business with me right away and that should have been a bit of a red flag to me. I was all, I’m not committing to a brick and mortar store, let’s hold workshops together and see what happens. We also were planning on making an illustrated deck of cards.

    This year I made a point of having everyone over for Seasonal Celebrations and told my new friend she could bring her friends over.

    The girl I notice would invite people and then put them down behind their backs and/or would drop them by the next party. Basically I think she’s down to two friends (life long ones who she seldom sees).

    I went to her house so we could car pool to host a Spa Day together and she suddenly acted all snarky and weird with me. She did apologize though.

    Then instead of me usually hosting the next get together she said she’d do it. Then she called last minute to cancel.

    Now on FB (I saw this while scrolling on my Newsfeed) she wrote to one of her friends who wrote on her Wall, “Let’s make a deck of cards!” like she would always say to me. I then wrote “Hi There!” Very teenager-y, I know.

    Basically I think I’ve now become one of the friends she has discarded. And it pisses me off, because I’m so reserved but when I do make friends, the friendships last a decade to life.

    Sad I was misguided about this girl! 🙁

    • This topic was modified 8 years, 6 months ago by Inky.
    June 6, 2016 at 2:34 am #106615
    Matty
    Participant

    @inky

    Firstly, don’t think of introversion as being shy. Being introverted is more to do with social energy and comfort rather than being shy. For instance someone who is extroverted just gains more from social interaction than introverts who don’t need as much or none at all. I’m an introvert, but i’m not shy. I’m not trying to take away something you are familiar with, but its a common mistake people makes. They assume because they are shy that be extension they are introverts.

    Onto your current issue. People come in and out of our lives. Whether for better or worst. I have heaps of experience in this matter. But something that is inherent in our social relationships is that we come together for a purpose. For instance what is the motivation between you and your friend? What connects the two of you together? People in sports teams might only be ‘friends’ because they are in the same team, not because they share mutual interests or experiences. Maybe you relationship has ended with this person because nothing is there anymore. It sucks, but this is what happens when you give a bunch of people unique and vastly different upbringings and make them share the same air. Eventually people want to do something else or move in another direction.

    Being discarded is harsh, and i don’t know what i could say that would make you feel any better. What has happened has happened. Don’t let this make you regret ever getting to know her though. Or let it affect your future relationships. You have to go all in sometimes for what you want. And at the end of the day, if you have more wins than losses, than it must of been worth it. Don’t stop believing in others and trust those who you believe mean something to you. Just think of the good times, and move on with your life. Try to find someone else that you have a connection with.

    If she recycles her friends, then it might be that she is more of a ‘user’ in the sense that she gains a lot from someone (emotional, physical or social benefits) and then once she finds someone else, she moves on. It could of been a one sided relationship and you were having so much fun, you were blinded by the reality. This is not your fault, shit happens.

    Don’t see this as a ‘F’ on report card called life. Don’t think this makes you inferior or that you are setup for failure on the social front. People are ‘funny’ and unpredictable. It hurts, but at least you don’t have this person in your life dragging you down. Find someone who makes your life better who wants the same from you.

    I hope this helps, if you want to say more, please write again 🙂
    MAtty

    June 6, 2016 at 4:37 am #106621
    Inky
    Participant

    Thanks for the great response, Matty!

    Well, we are both spiritual, and I like her because we can “howl at the moon” together in this Norman Rockwell area!

    So first she wanted a store, then we agreed to hold workshops together. Now it’s getting together with our friends every month or two.

    I think you are right about the User part. She probably thought I had a wide client base.

    Also, her mom just died and I suspect she had been coasting off her notoriety and also realized that “this is it” concerning legacy/$$$.

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