Hi LJDilemma,

How unfortunate that your ex-friend has hurt your reputation in your community. This is a painful thing to have to go through. I agree with the way you’re handling this, that you shouldn’t talk about this situation with the friend you ran into today. I have some experience with moms and their cliquey nature.  I believe that anything you say will be repeated, and perhaps inaccurately. Information will then get back to the one who started the rumors, fueling the fire, and things will only escalate from there. People love gossip and drama, unfortunately.  I also believe you shouldn’t confront the original gossiper because you cannot trust what she will tell others. In my opinion, the better tactic is to take the high road and stay quiet about the entire issue. Walk away from it. Stay busy, move on, engage in activities where you’ll meet new friends, and eventually you will get to a place where you won’t care about what these people think. And you know what? The truth will eventually come out. I believe that. If you allow people to think what they’re going to think, and you refuse to badmouth the original friend, people will notice and respect that. It may take months, but it’ll happen. People will start to question the character of the original gossiper. They will also admire your strength.

So to answer your question of how to politely decline your friend’s request to talk, I would say “Thanks, but no. Now isn’t a good time.”

Hang in there, LJDilemma.

B

Dear LJDilemma:

You wrote that you lost your friends “for reasons I just don’t know”. My suggestion: get to know the reasons, talk to that friend, or to anyone who can shed light on the reasons.

You wrote: ” Even though I apologized (for what I believe not to be my fault)”- what is it that you apologized for? The reason may be there.

Also, not a good idea to apologize when you believe there was nothing you did wrong. That takes away all meaning from an apology.

anita