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First love.

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  • November 23, 2017 at 6:02 am #179209
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear NightFlower:

    Having read your current and previous threads about this relationship. First a few of your quotes then my input:

    You wrote today: “he admitted ‘he doesn’t love himself when he’s with me”.

    Sept 7: “We recently had this fight again and this time he said he sometimes thinks he’s better  off  on his own because he doesn’t want  to hurt  me  anymore… the arguments just make him feel worse because he starts beating himself  up for ‘not changing and hurting me'”

    You wrote today: “he mentioned i’m the most selfless, caring and  thoughtful person he’s ever known”. Nov 16 you wrote: “He said I have done nothing wrong and I’m nothing more than wonderful to him. That his distance and needing space has nothing to do with me”.

    My input:  during the relationship you repeatedly pointed  out to him how he was hurting your feelings, how insensitive or not-empathetic he is to you. Repeatedly he apologized. Over time, in the relationship with you, his distress increased and his mental health suffered. And so,  he   is  indeed better of by  himself.

    anita

     

    November 23, 2017 at 6:31 am #179213
    Inky
    Participant

    Hi NightFlower,

    When people are vague, it’s best to not press further. You were all “But do you love me, yes or no?” and that put him on the spot. How awful, to say, “No, I don’t love you” to someone’s face! This has nothing to do with soulmates, or childhood traumas, this guy was just trying to break up with you in the gentlest way possible.

    Ironically, if you want him back, the best way to do that now is to stop badgering him! Let him know (when HE talks to you, not when you track him down) that you will always care about him and are now dating other people. Say this in the gentlest tone, as if you are breaking up with him. He might (maybe!) suddenly wise up and realize that HE is losing YOU.

    Good Luck!

    Inky

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