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First Breakup

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  • February 10, 2018 at 5:58 am #191757
    Inky
    Participant

    Hi LoveAndLive,

    You made the right decision. Let me repeat this: YOU MADE THE RIGHT DECISION.

    On a much lighter scale, this reminds me of the time all the guys in college boycotted Valentines Day because it was a Hallmark Holiday. Guess what? They by and large found themselves single and hurting February 15th/. Are you sure he’s not polyamorous only because everyone else is seemingly “polyamorous”?

    Polyamory sounds so hip, cool, enlightened and valid. Until it turns out it isn’t when tested in real life.

    Silly boy, he IS a monogamist after all, only because no girl he will actually meet in real life (yes, even the girls who “claim” they’re polyamorous because it sounds so hip, cool, enlightened and valid) will stand to be in a polyamorous relationship themselves. At least not for long.

    This is so typical. So twenties. So “I’ve found a hedonistic romantic loophole” and “my polyamory trumps your monogamy because it’s so hip, cool, enlightened and valid”. So “Don’t you know monogamy is a social construct?” (even though it’s been around for hundreds of thousands of years of human evolution so cavewomen’s children didn’t starve because the father was messing around).

    If you want to keep this in reality hapless, uncool, unenlightened, “oh please” guy in your life, keep him hanging for at least a year, then generously forgive him for his youthful ways (or not at all).

    Good Luck,

    Inky

    February 10, 2018 at 6:09 am #191759
    Inky
    Participant

    To add: Humans are monogamous most of the time. There is cheating. This is universal. This is human. What is NOT human and universal, is to be open with the cheating and to legitimize it.

    Paleo Anthropology 101

    You are human. Humans are mostly monogamous most of the time. So is he. He is the one who has to come to terms with being human. He is in fact hard wired to be monogamous. Until/unless he isn’t. But no caveman or enlightened saint worth his salt would dare brag about his exploits to a woman fully human.

    You rightfully dumped him. GOOD! Being unceremoniously dumped is GOOD for him. You did him a HUGE favor! No quality woman will stand for this. You doubted your decision, but 100K plus years of evolution and instincts are never wrong.

    Never.

    • This reply was modified 7 years, 3 months ago by Inky.
    February 10, 2018 at 6:43 am #191769
    LoveAndLive
    Participant

    Hi Inky,

    Thank you so much for taking the time to read my incredibly long post and for reassuring me that I made the right decision. I am trying to cope with it, although it’s very hard. I’m slowly coming to terms with it and feel that I need to take some time out of this relationship to figure things out for myself, to invest in myself and not look for my happiness in another person, but to look within. What this has taught me is that closing myself off to love isn’t necessarily the way to protect my heart. The only way to go is to cultivate self-love and accept that I am complete in myself. My relationships are an aspect of my life that I cherish deeply, but they don’t define who I am. I have been fearful of being forced to adhere to societal pressures – marriage, children etc. because “the clock is ticking” and all that. I have come to realise that no one can make me do what I don’t want to do. I will and should always do what I feel is best for myself.

    As painful as this break up is, I feel that it’s been a learning experience, as all relationships, good or bad, inevitably are. Thank you for your reassuring words. I really appreciate it! 🙂

    Much love to you!

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