Home→Forums→Relationships→finding out a difficult truth
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November 10, 2014 at 1:09 am #67616ninaParticipant
The last three years have been really tough. Partly because I found out that I was somehow connected with a bunch of people that I considered talented, and some of them have been backstabbing me, using sensitive information about me and spreading it without my consent. I don’t know why they did that, I removed myself from common spaces to separate stuff. What else could I do to make it clear that I don’t like their behaviour towards me?
November 10, 2014 at 3:26 am #67620InkyParticipantTalk to them about it, blog about it, FB about it, tell their parents about it, ignore them, avoid them, hang up on them, cold shoulder them, give them the stink-eye… There are 100 different ways to show your displeasure.
At this point they already know.
But if they backstabbed you then they already don’t care.
Caveat: Keep in mind that some people honesty don’t think they’ve done anything wrong.
November 10, 2014 at 10:20 am #67640ninaParticipantwell, they’ve been very shady about everything so it’s difficult to make them accountable. I was really scared of making more trouble and they seem cold-heart people prepared to do anything against anyone, but since it also is scary to keep denying the situation I choose to stand up for me. Because I don’t know how long they are going to bother me and try to build a case against me. I don’t know their parents, we are not kids anymore, high school passed a long time ago. Obviously they don’t care and make a lifestyle of that. I won’t put all of these people in the same bag, I can differentiate. There is a ‘girl’ who seem like very stubborn to get into my life, so sad. I’m feeling better now that I can understand what was going on behind my back, at least I’m not blind any longer. Yes, I do practice most of those secrets. thank you both.
November 13, 2014 at 3:59 am #67761ElleParticipantNina maybe it’s time to make peace with your past by confronting these people first or that person first before assuming anything. If you find it difficult to do that then it’s just going to continue to bother you. It’s better to face a situation better than running from it. Sometimes we think things are bigger deals than what we think, to only find out it’s not as bad as we thought. We tend to over think things which leads us to fear the worst. Hope that helps.
November 13, 2014 at 4:51 am #67764VhanonParticipantHi Nina,
I’m not sure why you feel back stabbed. Are you sure that it was clear beyond any reasonable doubt that that information should have been kept confidential between you all? If you are all starting some kind of company or activity, it may be the source of good publicity that is going to benefit you all. Did you read the small print in the contract? What was their explanation about their behavior? As Elle said a confrontation would be good.
If you really believe they have been mean to you or they seem to not understand what pain they caused, then protect yourself. Do not give them any more information about you, do not leave your personal items around when they are close by, try to deal with them as little as possible. Clean any pending debt and move on.
If you want to differentiate, get to know your allies. What do they think about the fact that they posted your sensitive information without your consent? Once you know, bring them away with you. I’m sure they do not want to risk being back stabbed themselves. Maybe, as you inquire, you do not want to look too much disappointed since, maybe, you do not want to alert those who may not be your allies. Maybe you can ask them what they think about something similar that happened to somebody else or what they would think if that happened to them, just to get a taste about what they may think.November 13, 2014 at 5:34 am #67765ElleParticipantVhanon, we don’t even know the exact details of what’s really going on with her situation, we are assuming and at this point just guessing. Either way it’s best to just talk to this person, that way you can find out what’s really going on, so that way you can be at peace with this. I’m sure if this ” girl ” is an adult, she will be rational so that way you two can settle things peacefully.
November 16, 2014 at 4:18 pm #67941ninaParticipant@elle Tinker how do I confront them? Do I put myself in the situation of asking them if they were talking about me behind my back and then expect their denial? I guess I’ll move on when I feel safe again, thank you
@Vhanon it wasn’t clear because there is no contract. I now know that some of them are related to other people who bullied me 20 years ago, and they still treat me mean sometimes. Yeah, I would like to know what they would think if that happened to themNovember 17, 2014 at 9:03 pm #68028AnonymousInactiveHi Nina,
It’s Elle under a new username since I couldn’t remember my password on the other account, my apologies for any confusion. Anyway, I would confront this person by asking them if you could meet for coffee somewhere at a public place or you can have a counselor contact her and you can all meet in your counselors office and talk it out there too. Obviously you two are grown adults and I’m sure you and her can sit down and have a very calm & loving discussion. Control your feelings of not trying to get angry, be as calm as you can and I believe you will be pleasantly surprised by her reaction. People react very positively & calmly towards behaviors as what I mentioned above. Since so many years have gone by, I wouldn’t expect denial from her, more than likely, you will be received with love & understanding and she will admit her faults and deny anything to you. I’m sure she wants to hear how you feel from your own voice. Moving on is ok but it’s not healthy to avoid something that you obviously really care about since you were brave to post about her. I admire you for writing this and allowing us to help you. I send you lots of love & hugs…! Xoxo
November 18, 2014 at 6:22 pm #68078ninaParticipantHi Elle, I don’t think that a coffee meet is going to be possible because as I said before it’s all very shady and questionable if she or the other people are being mean to me or it’s just my interpretation. Since I understand that I can’t change people I won’t try to. Even if someone who bullied you accept what they did, how do they fix what they did? We are all adults but not everyone is acting like that. I’m not chasing anyone, if someone wants to meet me for a coffee I don’t bite. I already feel stupid for posting this here, it feels like it’s a waste of everyone’s time. Thank you for your understanding, best regards
November 18, 2014 at 8:53 pm #68087AnonymousInactiveHi Nina, it’s natural for things to feel shady and un-clear because you haven’t spoken to that person yet. Nobody should be mean to you, a mature woman will be compassionate towards you and respect your feelings. If someone was mad at me or upset with me, I’d rather they talk to me in person than carry that grief around, makes me sad bc I think I hurt my ex with the intentions of not wanting to hurt her but just to know her childhood better. I’m a person who wants to make things better, that’s me anyway and the way I am. Wanting answers & peace from someone and the situation is not chasing, it shows that you respect your feelings and yourself enough to want to do something about it hun. Also, don’t ever feel stupid, we have all been there and we all need someone to talk to about our feelings. It’s not a waste of time writing about your feelings, it’s actually healthy. You are certainly not wasting my time, that I assure you. I come to this website from time to time for inspiration and accidentally came upon your post. Anyway, please try contact this person if you can, it will be a great weight lifted of your shoulders to talk to this person. Who knows, maybe something really beautiful might come out of talking to her. You may find that you two have a lot in common. Was this a long friendship or ex-lover? Talk soon.
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