Anita

He reached out to me again the other day and we keep talking back n forth.  He is now in Florida training for his MMA fights and working long hours doing Uber/Lyft.     He still keeps saying we can be friends.   Why do ex’s want to be friends with the girls they broke up with?   Its very confusing for me.   I want to get my hopes up but I know if I do , I will be back to I was the first day.   He kept asking about my family and how they were, how I was doing in which i was very honest with him about.   He asked about my dad’s garden.  In which my ex loved to look at.   He msgs me everyday.  He said he might be coming up to visit , but will stay in a hotel in the city and told me I can go see him there in a few weekends.   He was telling me all about his training and about work.  I asked him if he was currently dating and he said no and askied if I was.  i told him no.  He asked why and I told him exactly why and how I  still have feelings and loved him.  He asked if i missed him and i said yes.  And he sent a smile emoji.    He asked me if i made lasagna cause that is his favorite thing i made for him.   Then he called me mamacita.  I don’t know what that means.    Then he said he knows he broke my heart but hes working a lot now and if I want we can stay friends.    Then i didn’t reply back to him for an over an hour and he msg me asking me why it took so long for me to reply.  I was busy.   So I am so confused.  I want to see him when he comes here .  I am not sure how things will turn out when i see him or what will happen.   I feel he misses me.    I’m just so confused.   Part of me wants to believe he will get back together with me and the other part is so confused.

Hi Helcat

He pushed for it.  In his culture if man and woman feel right about their love for each other, then why wait.  Which is true.  But i have been in traditional relationships before this and none led to marriage.   I tried to slow it down but then i realized i did truly love this man with all my heart and soul and it felt right.   But if he wants to take things slow since we are in different states in which i have no idea how that will work unless he moves back or i move there, then im willing to do that.  That is a lot to think about.

Hi. Helcat

He was the one pushing nikah which i was taken by surprise .   But it wasn’t for sex at all.  It was not like that. It was so he could live with me.  We did love each other very much.  I think he still does .  I am so confused .  I have never in my life had an ex that wanted to be friends with me except for my ex husband from a previous marriage  who i have children with.   But yes i will find out what his true intentions are.  Who knows, he may be confused himself too.

update

Anita,

Since my last post a lot has happened.   Within the past months, my ex the one who left me moved to florida.  Well he came back.  We reunited on August 19th, 2022.  He told me he came back for me.  He couldn’t stop thinking about me because had too many memories with me and no matter how hard he tried to forget me .  He couldn’t.   So, that same day we both never wanted to be apart . We got our marriage license and we on Sept. 6th, 2022 in front of a judge.   He apologized for everything.  We found an apartment closer to the city and moved in together.   We set a wedding dinner date 20 days later with all his friends and my family at a nice restaurant.   Now here is  or was a problem that i did not like.  The day of our dinner , we had to go to the air port to pick up a friend of his.  He had failed to tell me that his friend was a she and that they had been friends for a few years.   I did not like this.  She lives in another state.   She seemed nice. She is divorced and has several kids.   So we were kind enough to set her up in a hotel for the night and take her back to the airport the following morning.   My husband failed to tell me that he asked her to come and help with the dinner .    We arrived at the restaurant that evening.   Everything seemed fine.   Guests were arriviing, food was being served.  But here is when the problems started.   My  husband never hardly sat down.  He was too concerned about the food being brought out, which i understood.  But that was not the problem.   The problem was his friend.   She kept following him around like a little lost puppy.   I was by that point getting irritated.  In his culture i guess the groom stands outside greeting guests.   So i kept going outside and telling him to come in. She was out there too greeting guests.  Few of his male friends were out there and they were all talking.  I asked why is everyone out here when you should all be inside.  She said it is custom for the groom to greet the guests.  I said well shouldn’t I have been informed by all of this?  She said my husband should have told me.  I said well you all need to come inside because thats where our guests are.  Then i turned to her and right infront of his friends outside I said ” Who do you think you are standing out here with my husband when i should be here? Who’s wedding dinner is this?  Your’s or mine sweetheart?   I suggest you go inside and sit and mind your own business and let me and my husband handle everything. NOT YOU!”   His friends mouths dropped and he said ok lets go inside.   So she sat beside my mom and did not move the rest of the night.   I was fuming.   Then he went to check on the food and i followed.  My face was beat red.  He asked if everything is ok.  I said no.  I told him I do not like what just had happened and she needs to stay out of everything because right now I am so upset and could cry.  He said for me to calm down.  Then everything was ok after that.   We cut our cake, danced, took pictures and she stayed away.   The next morning we picked her up at the hotel and drove her back home to her state .   My husband and I got a hotel there in that state becuase we wanted to see some sites.    So we stopped at a rest stop and he got out.  It was just me and her in the car.  She puts her hand on my shoulder and said she and my husband are just friends and for me not to be jealous.  I said oh no im not jealous.  I just protect what is mine and for her to take her hand off my shoulder.  I told her I did not appreciate anything about what happened at our dinner.   So he got back in the car.  We drove and dropped her off at her place .   Then we left and went to our hotel .  We stayed for a few days sight seeing and had a nice time and came home.    Everything was and is still going great except for a few minor things.   We were out and about one day and she happened to call.  I heard the conversation.  She asked how he was and she has not talked to him in a while .  He told her he is out with me. She was asking him to help her find a place for her friend to live in our city.  Oh that rattled my nerves right there.   I said why is she calling and her asking you to help find a place for her friend is not your problem, thats their problem.  And when we got in the car i told him how i felt about her and how it made me feel.  I asked him to delete and block her from everything.  So when  we got home.  He handed me his phone and I did just that.  I deleted and blocked her from everything , including every social media and emails. I told him when i first met him i deleted all my male friend contacts becuase I want no drama period!  He agreed.

So few months passed.  I had access to his phone.   I went in one night while he was asleep and deleted all these old texts from women before me and blocked all of them and deleted their numbers.   He never noticed.    He has access to my phone and i hide nothing.  I know it was wrong for me to do that.    So things have been good .   Then he was accessing his phone in front of me and he changed his password.  I asked him why.  He said “too many ppl know it”  I looked at him with a puzzled look.  He never answered my question.   I told him not to hide anything from me.  He said he isn’t.   Then i found some texts on his apple watch in his language.  I can’t tell if the number is female or male.   I tried to translate, but some doesn’t make sense.    Am i being over dramatic ?  He tells me all the time he loves me and im his world and when we aren’t together he misses me.   Why do I feel the way I do?   Ive been so hurt and traumatized in the past from men ghosting me, cheating on me, etc and its effecting me even now that Im married to my husband.   Do I talk to him about how I feel?