Feelings of anger/regret 7 months after my first horrible heartbreak

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This topic has 5 replies, 5 voices, and was last updated 9 years, 9 months ago by jen.

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July 17, 2015 at 12:04 am #79982

jen
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Dear Molly

Everything you wrote reminds me of myself in every single way.. break up time 7 months, he was the one who left, your first real love everything u wrote relates to me in every single way. except the last part where u hate him, dont want him as a friend, dont want to see him ever again.. except the last paragraph.. every single thing i understand and i empathize.. and i wish i could hate my ex too.. but i dont .. i wish i could want to hurt him.. but i dont.. i wish i could feel never to see him again.. but i dont.. so its so much harder to let him go when i know i should.. its so much harder to move on when i dont have these feelings of care towards him..

i know what i m saying is not considered the most ideal advice but let me say i would rather be in ur shoes than mine.. because anger would let me become strong and move on that much easier..guess what i am saying is.. use that anger to make urself better.. he missed out on something good and turn that anger into giving your best to someone else so that u will feel good.. the best revenge u can get is when u r happy without him when somebody loves u just the way u loved him.. the best revenge is to forget he exists and live your life.. the best revenge would be to discard him like a bad habit… and its going to be easy for you..

July 17, 2015 at 4:50 am #79990
Inky
Participant
Hi Molly,

They say “Revenge is a dish best served cold” and “living well is the best revenge”. Well, they are not trite sayings!

Years and years after I had my first love break my heart we met at an event. I was looking my best and my beautiful DH was beside me, dressed in a blazer and tie. DH was obviously the best looking person in the room and treated me so kindly and lovingly, basically modeling to everyone how to act as a good person in general!

Well, First Love couldn’t stand being “convicted”, I guess. He did not dress up and had not aged well, but still carried his “Everyone wants me I love no one” attitude! The problem is, he wasn’t this gorgeous boy any more, now he was this creepy middle aged man! He muttered to my DH, “Who wears a tie??” and skulked off, never to be seen again. Like, no one knows if he’s still alive!! I’m serious.

So you see, everything will work out for the best, TOWARDS your best.

Inky

P.S. I know looks aren’t everything, but that was the “currency” that “did it” in the revenge story!
- This reply was modified 9 years, 9 months ago by Inky.
- This reply was modified 9 years, 9 months ago by Inky.
July 17, 2015 at 8:20 am #80003

Anonymous
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Dear Molly:

you asked: “Is it wrong that I hate him so much? Is it not the right thing that I don’t want him as a friend?” My answer is; no, it is not wrong that you hate him. In fact whatever it is that you feel is not wrong. Every feeling you have carries a message that is meant to serve your best self interest. Decipher what the message is, what action to take that will benefit you. You feel hate for him. What is the message? Possibilities: hurt him, do something to hurt him. Will that benefit you? Only temporarily at best, a feel good thing. So let’s consider another message: he hurt you, your hurt is still alive, you need to stop contact with him so that you can heal. Every time you see him the hurt is ignited some, enough to fuel the anger. Action: stop associating with him. Could that be the message?

Honor your anger for the message it carries, decipher what that message is, whether the action you take in accordance to that message will benefit you (and not abuse another) and… do what you need to do.

anita

July 17, 2015 at 10:08 am #80011

Rachel
Participant

Molly,

Please have no regrets. Don’t be so hard on yourself. You gave yourself to someone, you loved this person, this is a sign of strength, not weakness. You learned from this relationship, it is not a failure or a waste of time. Take what you’ve learned an apply it to your next relationship. I’m sure the reason why you’re angry is cause you didn’t get closure or revenge or maybe your disappointed cause your expectations weren’t met. What ever it is, you have the right to be mad, angry, hurt. Feel through it. You could just need more time to heal. I’m going through a break-up now, unhealthy relationship, both our fault. It’s been a rough road. But I need to hang on and see it through. You need to do the same. If you had the strength to give this man your heart, then you have the strength to walk away. It will be miserable … but it will be worth it.

Take care 🙂

July 17, 2015 at 11:58 pm #80029

jen
Participant

I am glad that there are girls like me out there in the world. makes me feel m not alone.. Rachel what you said, “if you had the strength to give him your heart,you have the strength to walk away” . I myself am going to hold onto that thought.. its been really hard for me because he was my real first love and it sucks … but i am going to be that strong girl once again… Do read my post and comment.. and lets all work through this together!
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