Hi Secret,

They say being an adult is like looking both ways before you cross the street and then being hit by an airplane! LOL

It’s amazing how the “small stuff” can trip us up!!

OK, when you DIDN’T have drama in your life, how were you as a student? Focused and successful, I would imagine.

Hold onto the memory of your BEST day at grad school. That is who you truly are.

If you are afraid of labels, go to your professors and powers that be and say, “Thank you for being understanding during this time.” If they ask or pry (they won’t) say, “It doesn’t matter. It’s over now.” Then they will assume that it was a medical issue or something serious.

Next, become a Master at moving forward no matter WHAT else happens around you!

Blessings,

Inky

Dear Secret:

You wrote that your problem might not seem a big deal for most of us readers here. I wonder why you think that?

It is a big deal for you and that makes it a big deal.

In every journey there are rough spots, unexpected difficulties and no guarantee of success. It is persistence, courage and hard work that make us reach the finish line in any particular challenging endeavor. It is getting through the difficult spots. If I compare you getting a graduate degree to getting to the top of a particular mountain, then you being on academic probation is you losing your balance and falling down, but not all the way, just some way down. First you are shocked: how did this happen? How could I let this happen? I wish it didn’t happen! I don’t know if I have the energy to climb all that I already climbed etc.

Then you stand there and look up- way to go, and you look down: maybe I should give up and go down the mountain.

This makes for a more interesting, inspiring climb to watch than a smooth one. This climb requires a stronger character to succeed, to keep climbing, to overcome. So I am rooting for you to look up and climb up and all the way!

anita

Hey Secret,
Firstly, don’t compare yourself to others. Everyone has demons, so don’t put yourself down by stating your concerns aren’t as important as others. Everyone has the right to be heard, for whatever reason.

I feel like I was branded with the words “incompetent.” I don’t want to be this person anymore

No one has branded you anything, you ‘feel’ this is the case because of how you are viewing yourself in relation to your current situation. The only person who can MAKE you feel incompetent…is you. You’re in the driving seat and capable of many things. Everyone has drama, whether it be inner or outer. Dwelling of what got you to your current position isn’t going to make the path easier, it will make it harder. You will continually compare yourself to illogical ‘what ifs’, what if i didn’t have drama? What if i ignored everything? This will just push you further back, because you will only be concerning yourself with the past.

how do I gain some of this hope back, and how do I make these changes that I want to make?

Accept. Accept the past, accept what has happened has happened. Understand the past influences the present, it does not control it. You must set your sights forward, but not so forward that you question whether you can complete your degree. Focus on your research, focus on what your masters is, not what it is not. It is not the end of the world, it doesn’t signify failure waiting to happen, it is not some incurable disease, it’s a piece of your brilliance, perspective and perseverance.

“If you can find a path with no obstacles, it probably doesn’t lead anywhere” Frank A. Clark
I hope this has helped,
Good Luck
Matty

Anita,

I never used your name or even accused you for that matter, as I wrote “To whom ever reported me”.

As far as my post from December 12th

I just re-read it and I was definitely not outraged. You accused me by saying ” Make believe ” and so on, re-reading my post again today, it’s evident that your goal was to accuse me and assume that I was lying about the events between me and Angela. I come on this website to feel comfortable to express myself and share real/true events. You’ve never met me before in real life and certainly weren’t present during past events, leading up until now. My gut instinct tells me you were trying to belittle me by accusing me of make believe. You crossed a boundary, that professional counselors or therapists don’t even cross by assuming I was lying. If you truly believe that the past events with Angela weren’t real, our relationship isn’t real then that’s fine and you can keep that to yourself. It’s like me lashing out on someone’s post, assuming I know the entire story of their relationship with their lover and then accusing them of make believe and lying. Those kinds of behaviors aren’t coming from an act of love, positivity and understanding. Even if someone’s story or relationship with someone doesn’t add up by reading their post. I don’t go around accusing them of things, as many people on here from what I have read, aren’t going to fully expose every single detail of their relationship or what goes on in their lives because this is a public forum. Respectfully, it is good to keep healthy boundaries on here.

It’s sad when people can’t accept the new me and my growth the past 4 years, they are still stuck on the past of the old me of who I used to be in my mid 20’s. Instead of the woman I have matured into and have become since the end of my 20’s and now, early 30’s.

I come on this website/forum to feel comfortable, supportive, to be loving and understanding. Not be to be accused of “Make believe” Angela already knows she can express her feelings to me face to face if she wishes about everything she feels about our past. I can calmly listen and let her express herself without getting “angry” or “outraged” whenever she feels she needs to. You keep assuming I’m some angry and outraged person because I use CAPS sometimes. Doesn’t mean I’m angry or outraged, it just means I’m emphasizing on what I’m saying. I’m not an angry person and I don’t go about my daily life walking around angry. I know how to handle and deal with people who are angry by staying calm by letting them express themselves when it happens in real life, as it happens at my workplace sometimes. Doesn’t mean I’ve never been angry in my life or in the past but in the past 3 years till the very moment, I have matured and know how to handle anger in real life. As far as the internet goes while people sitting behind their computers, I don’t know if they are angry or not, as I can’t see their facial expressions but I will say that I am a very calm and composed person when dealing with someone who gets angry. I respond with love, understanding and I’ll sit/stand there and listen until the person is done and then hopefully come to a happy resolution or a fair one at that.

I will close this post by saying this –

If I have to constantly defend myself to others on here that truly feel that I am “judgy” conjure up “Make believe” or think I have nothing positive to offer to this site with my past or present experiences, food and health posts. Or just straight up think I have nothing good to offer or bring to the table. Then that is fine, I can accept that and move on peacefully to another site where I will feel welcomed, comfortable and understood, without false assumptions. It takes a lot for me to open up to the public on these sites and forums because it’s a lot easier for me to be open in person, in real life. My time is valuable and I know everyone else’s time is valuable on here too and I respect that 100%. I’m just not going to stay on here or post anything if it ceases to be a waste of time to anyone and I apologize if it already has. I wish everybody on here nothing but positivity and light.

Peace & Love. <3

M.