Hello all. I hope to listen some really good honest advises as I’m feeling very lost in my relationship. I’m in my mid 20’s and I’m attached with my boyfriend for 3 years long. We stay nearby and often see each other. We also have intention to get marry and lived together in few years time. It was good that both of us are having the same thought.

Before I met my boyfriend, I’m a person who just get into a relationship easily as to kill time. I was betrayed before by my ex as he cheated on me. So I do not trust men who are in a relationship with me until he have proven to me that he is the one. My boyfriend did it and I was very happy.

However, one very bad point about my boyfriend is that when he get angry, he will turn the hulk. Not violent type but will use excessive swearing and vulgar language whether on me, his parents or siblings. What trigger him could be small issue / big issues / nuisances. As long as it pissed him off.

To make things worst, when he is pissed off, he will scold the person worst than a dog regardless in the public, private places or when there’s friends around, he just don’t find it shameful at all.

I have spoke to him before that I’m not an enemy to him, not someone who is going to hurt him and I do not see a need for him to use such abusive words on me or others. He told me that he do not give a care as the person who did something wrong means WRONG. And what if it is his mistakes? He will still lash out on me in the beginning until he realized he is in the wrong or after I have talked some senses into him, he will apologize. But still in the future, he will expect me to take on his abusive words first before he can apologize.

Along the years, our quarrels decreases as we will sit down and talked about it. However the talk to me was like a stage for him to come down as his pride is high. His problem towards me was that I’m always very self defensive as I always think that everyone out there is to hurt me.

Whenever we quarrel/sit down to talk, I will always get very bad headache, breathing difficulty as I find my words couldn’t get through to him. And when he saw I’m suffering, he will ask me if I were need a hospital. If not resume the talk which I find it sort of disgusting as he really seem cold heart. But when I’m sick and we are not on quarreling terms, he will take good care of me and be my side at all times.

So whenever we are quarreling, I always feel terribly miserable. I will feel like he will not look me in the eyes of a girlfriend but more like a faeces and his actions will express it out too. Until he have confirmed me that I could carry on being his girlfriend, then he will treat me back like a girlfriend.

Other than this big bad temper, he treated me very nicely. I enjoyed the talks with him, the times we spent together and if there is big important decision to be made, he will discuses with me like I’m his wife.

What about me? I have always been a loyal person in the relationship, only have my eyes on him and will always assured that I belonged to him only.
I will be on guard if I found some female friends of his are getting too closed with him for some “motives” or I always myself acting like a guard watching over him if he get way too touchy with some female friends of his. Sometimes he find me being very nonsense but I find that is it really “necessary” to be placing your hands over certain areas on some other females? I do not see myself doing so. (fyi.. I am not an unwanted woman) I considered my tolerance level of being patient is very high and I only could not expect if my boyfriend cheat on me (almost cheated as the female friend of his get way too close to him and he also get very closed to her) or using violent on me (I caught his bro (married) being too touchy with other woman and he was very angry that I am being very nonsense. We are all on alcohol and he beat me up. He apologies that he will never do it again and cried for the first time. I forgive him once.)

From my very good closed friend point of view, my boyfriend’s pride is very BIG and have a petty “lady” temper. He is not a man I should be married to but will respect the choice I made. My good friend have the eyes to see if the man suits me or not as he can see a person’s character clearly. He said that I have too much emotional attached on that blinds me.

Recently, I went out with my closed friend to catch up with his best friend and also with the purpose of wanting me to socialize more with others as I’m a shy person. I also know his best friend as we all attended the same college but I’m closed to only my this good friend. As we talked, I find his best friend is a very good man and my boyfriend seem not good.. I understand that everyone has it flaws and is not perfect. I find myself from fearing his best friend to admiring and having a crush. I felt horrible inside but somehow very deep in me, I hope I can find a good man like him. I do not know am I wrong to be thinking like this or correct at all.
My closed friend in the past has also been promoting his best friend to me however, I have always been dismissing his idea as I intend to stay loyal to my boyfriend.

I and my boyfriend recently just have a quarrel, he is now very nice to me while I’m still having a hard time adjusting myself back as I’m always deeply affected from our quarrels. I do not know I can carry on. I have a big headache and took a day to rest and get well. But my appetite is still badly affected till now and I get bad stomachache now and then. My boyfriend hope that I could be stronger mentally and physically and I just told him YES (which is a lie. I felt like I might get high blood pressure one day if I have a big quarrel with him).

Thanks for reading. I want to know if my boyfriend is really the Mr Right for me. I really love him as when he is good, he is a very good man. Just bad temper that I feared of now and future.