I am filled with so much negative emotion right now. I feel as though I have failed my father and that he would be so…not angry that wasn’t like him. No he would be disappointed that I let this happened.

In 2005 my husband (now we’re separated) and I sold one house to move closer to my father who was getting older and to be honest it was much cheaper where we were going. My father passed later on and much of the money left to me went for his funeral, nursing school,bills and my daughter and the economic crisis that December was horrible. Also a good portion of the money went to pay some legal fines my husband incurred as a result of his alcoholism.

After my father’s money ran out the money situation became extremely tight. Between my husband fines and surcharges, typical alcoholic spending and “pie in the sky” reasoning we had real difficulty. I have always worked and provided the medical benefits. His income as a contractor was just too unreliable to count on. Whether he started out fine and the work deteriorated or it was just never gotten back to. That also took a financial toll. People have to be reimbursed.

I share some of the blame I could have been stricter or less generous. I also suck a at budgeting. I think denial at how bad things were was a factor too. I made some bad decision money wise too.

The electric bill at the house was extremely high. My father was on oxygen and a bi-pap machine as well as being in a hospital bed. Laundry was done continuously due to my father going through lots of laundry. Air conditioning and heat in an all electric house….expensive.

Well trying to pay a massive bill didn’t help an already bad situation. We struggled until 2013. My husband was jailed again and I took out 2 loans to make payment arrangements to the electric company. It worked. My husband got out. Since I paid ALL the other bills I left it to him to pay the electric. I know, REALLY stupid. It took 2 months for them to pull the meter. Even though my bill was high, the electric company saw fit to attach my father’s bill to my account. They said because I lived there too. It was about $10,000. The payment arrangements with that extra added was beyond me. I had to leave. I lived with my daughter and son in law for three months and found an apartment.

I live alone now. It’s tough but I’m making it…barely. The bank had foreclosed on the house. I just want my things out of the house to put in storage.

All that being said, I feel like I let my father down. He put his name on the house and worried about me. He got us the house (we paid, it was his name). I feel so ashamed and guilty.