hi bphkss. I don’t have any good advice unfortunately but I just wanted to let you know I can empathize and sympathize with you and I am sorry you feel this way.

One thing that I saw though was you mentioned that when you push yourself to get out and experience something new and interesting or even volunteer that you dont feel joy, are those new and interesting things something you actually enjoy and want? or is it just something you feel you ‘should’ enjoy and want because other people would? same applies to volunteering. It may work for most people to do those specific things, but it’s not gonna be fulfilling like that for everyone. You just have to find your niche and what you want for yourself. I hope you can.

Hi BPK,

I’m not here very often on this site as often anymore (just depends on how busy I am traveling for work.) but I am so sorry you have a heavy heart and that you are having a hard time. Maybe it’s time to get to know yourself a little more than ever before, like, what makes you happy? What makes you smile? Who makes you smile? What and who makes your heart full up with love & happiness? Those are the questions you must ask yourself and then go from there about how you want to achieve that. There was this quote I read last week that rings true and this is – You must love yourself and accept yourself in order to be able to receive and open your heart up to love from someone else.

Things will and can get better as long as you know the key things that make & most importantly keep your heart happy and fulfilled. You are love, light & beauty. Always remember that. Be confident and go after the things you love and are passionate about. I believe you will get there.

I send you a lot of love & light. The next time you come home, instead of going to bed, go lay outside in the sun. You’d be surprised how the sun changes your mood to a much more happier mood. I don’t come on this site very often anymore but I wish you nothing but happiness and love on your journey. Don’t give up, go after your dreams and you will succeed.

Much love my dear soul!! And remember you are beauty, love & light.

Hi bphkhss,

The on and off nature of the relationship kept you in this weird limbo (“He loves me, loves me not?”) mindset. Then when he broke up with you it was “official”. So you feel rejected. Rather than facing that feeling you feel empty, which is a safer feeling than rejected. Maybe your depression is safer to deal with than the anger, disappointment, and heartache.

You also seem to need to be in a relationship to be happy. But what will happen if you find true love, and the guy dies when you’re an old lady? What I’m saying is that nothing is truly permanent, and at the end of the day you have to be comfortable just being you.

So your situation is compounded. You have to get over the breakup, and be comfortable with you, and (optional!) find someone.

And then to find someone? The best way is to tell the Universe, “I release this desire for a relationship. I’m not looking. If it happens, great (I get to have dynamic duo adventures)! If not, great (I get to have amazing solo adventures)!” And truly mean it. That’s when you meet someone. I’ve seen it time and time again.

I am sorry you feel this way. Let me see if I can cheer you.

1. You are still fairly young and that is a great thing. I am 20 years older than you. You have a huge potential amount of time to create a better life. Do not worry about what your friends have. Statistically, half of them will end up divorced. The remainder may or may not be happy in the long run. We cannot know. Focus on you, you have definitely got time.

2. You are on the right track trying to involve yourself in meaningful activity. Learning, creating, volunteering, helping, working for causes, travelling, all these and more are stuff you could try to focus your brain on something fulfilling. You are the expert on this. The more you are getting “into” something of this kind the more sexy you are.

3. I refuse to believe that in a world of 7 billion souls there are not at least 7 million (one in every 1,000) who might be interested in dating you. The alternative is just – well – not likely. The problem is you may not know where they are. If anything, there are probably more than you can ever meet or date.

4. When you are depressed, and this sounds like part of the problem, it takes time to turn the mind around. It is similar to an object in motion (or at rest) in Newton’s physics. But with time and effort, it begins changing. Believe that your unhappiness is temporary.

5. Under the worst case scenario you – and this is not really bad – you can probably get a therapist who can help pull you out of this state.

Do any of these ideas help?

Sincerely,
Bill

Hi bpkhss,

I am so sorry you are feeling this way. Please know that you are a beautiful person. You love with your whole heart–and that’s brave! Be happy for that bravery. That is what will get you through this time, promise. Sunshine is waiting for you on the other side. Like they say, ‘It’s always darkest before the dawn’. I know this to be true. Hang in there. You’ve got this.

Take good care of yourself.

Pink:)

Hello bpkhss,

I, too, am 38 years old and I’ve just signed the divorce paper. I’m with a 2 year old and whilst many (including my mother and some friends) even though may not say it outright, I know they think I’m struggling and am in the deep end.

Long story short, I lost it all in one day (ex)husband of 13 years told me he just doesn’t love me anymore. And boy do I feel like I’m dying. But I try to pull through everyday with positiveness and not dwell on unhappiness. I do not have many friends but think one or two I can say they are friends. They have their life which seem so fulfilled whereas I’m trying to start all over again. I think it’s going to be difficult for me to trust a man again but then again, I’m trying to let things be and I go with the flow. So if you’re just coming out of a relationship, you’re not alone. I, too, am with you and I’ve now got to struggle with the failure of a marriage (proven that it didn’t work) and living in a place I hadn’t called home for almost 20 years.

But I hope you’ll be able to detect the hope in me, trying to stay focus and be positive. Life can be a bitch, but let’s try to make the best out of it!