fbpx
Menu

Feeling Depressed After Breakup

Home→Forums→Relationships→Feeling Depressed After Breakup

New Reply
Viewing 6 posts - 1 through 6 (of 6 total)
  • Author
    Posts
  • August 2, 2015 at 9:53 am #81061
    Elle
    Participant

    I met K online January of this year. For the past six months, I had a great time with him, we went out of town on two different occasions and I felt alive and happy the whole time we were together. He showed me and introduced me to various new foods and fun things in the city. one thing that always bothered me in the relationship is that he always wanted me to do the things he enjoyed. He would often complain that the drive to my house 30 mins was too long so I was always the one driving to see him. He lives in the city and I live in the suburbs. I did most of the things he enjoyed like movies etc.

    On July 3rd his mum was coming into town and I had left my car over at his house. I was supposed to go spend the night and pick my car up before his mum got into town. But that morning he was acting like he wanted me to go pick up the car and be gone by the time his mom came into his house. I was confused because I didn’t get it why he was trying to rush me and i asked him why he was dating me, if he knew his mom would not approve, I am black and he was Asian. I got mad and asked him maybe we should breakup and asked him how he felt about me. This was on our drive to his house. He said that he doesn’t think he loves me and will never fall in love with me and that we are too different people. He also indicated that when he met me he was lonely and was looking for someone to just have fun with.Also if I hadn’t brought up the question about his mom, he would still have continued dating me even knowing how he felt about me. Did I do the right thing? My friends and family think so because he would have strung me along and never married me. I am 35 years and don’t have time to waste. I don’t understand how he can fake the entire 6 months knowing he never cared nor liked me and felt that way. How could he kiss me, have sex with me take me to all those places and he knew how he felt from day 1. I am devastated, I feel used , and taken advantage of my self esteem is down the toilet. I cant believe how a human being could do that.
    I wish he told me from the get go he was only looking for a friend, he asked me to be his girlfriend, How could he be so selfish like that?

    August 2, 2015 at 10:02 am #81062
    CT
    Participant

    Leeya

    I’m sorry to hear that you are hurting right now. It sounds as if you have clearly been mislead or that he has changed his mind during the course of the relationship. He sounds as if he has some issues that he needs to work on. When a relationship ends it can often feel as if you do not have any control over the situation especially if the other person is the one breaking up with you. It’s probably come as a big shock to you and your emotions are all over the place.

    Remember it’s ok to feel depressed after a difficult breakup. There’s often many unanswered questions. It is a difficult time. It may be difficult to see this now but if he dragged the relationship out for a much longer time then it would be far worse if he didn’t feel the same way.

    August 2, 2015 at 12:40 pm #81072
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear leeya35:

    Of course you did the right thing… you found out who he is, how could that be the wrong thing? It is painful but it is the right thing. You asked how could he be so selfish. How could he behave like he did this whole time… I don’t know him of course. It could be that he genuinely likes or liked you and enjoyed being with you but part of him is following his mother’s voice, part of him (his mother’s voice in his head) saying: leeya is not good enough for me. I am only having fun with her. I am meant to get married with an Asian woman.

    I tend to think this is very possible, way more possible, in my mind than the possibility that he was faking having fun with you all this time. But regardless, he is lacking the integrity to follow his own feelings and beliefs and so, what can you do? You can’t insert yourself into his psyche and fight the mother-voice in his head.

    I used to think 35 was old, I really did. Not anymore. I am 54. I hope you do not rush and pay attention with the next man- learning from this experience, pay attention to the next man’s attachment to his mother/ parents ahead of time, to the next man’s integrity, is he following his own feelings and beliefs or – his family’s.

    anita

    August 2, 2015 at 1:21 pm #81073
    Elle
    Participant

    Thanks Anita for the feedback, I thought he really liked me for whom I am , I thought he was really a nice guy and felt that he was the “one”. I cared and even loved him and hearing him say that cut to the bone, his harsh words. I got mad and said awful things via text next day after breakup, I did apologize, I even asked him if he was sure and he said he was sure. The deceit is what is killing me, and his words, that shattered my view I had of him and all the good times have been overshadowed by his words at time of breakup. He has cut me off and we haven’t communicated in the last three/four weeks . I am in therapy to also address some issues, like he always said I was too clingy and didn’t trust him. I have issues from past abuse and relationships that I need to work on, I am going to resolve those and my self esteem/worth . Maybe I do not need to change so I can be better next time in a relationship. I keep hoping he would call me ,but he hasn’t, that’s why I need to work on my confidence/self esteem.

    August 3, 2015 at 6:33 am #81112
    Inky
    Participant

    Hi leeya35,

    I read it as though he was having a good time, and then suddenly his back was up against the wall. That if his mother met you and disapproved, life would become “Real”! So rather than stand up to his mother (probably for the first time in his life) he quickly dumped you. I think he may very well have had feelings for you, but they weren’t deep yet, and certainly not strong enough to contend with the whole Asian culture thing. I would look on this as a huge blessing. If you meekly did what he said with the car, then this could have dragged on for years!

    Inky

    August 3, 2015 at 9:17 am #81121
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear leeya35:

    I second Inky. At a time when you are not overwhelmed with pain over this breakup, I hope you get curious about what you can learn from this. There is a meaningful lesson or lessons to be learned which can make life more interesting if not less painful. The more I get curious the less I sink in despair.

    anita

  • Author
    Posts
Viewing 6 posts - 1 through 6 (of 6 total)

You must be logged in to reply to this topic. Please log in OR register.