I don’t usually do this, however, it would be useful to gain some advice from an outside perspective besides my therapist.

Okay so, before I talk about the main issue, I am currently on Lexapro. I’ve been on it for about 4-5 months now. I suffer from bipolar disorder and anxiety. Two weeks ago I started forgetting to take my pills and when that happens it throws off my emotional stability. I tend to get very emotional, angry, depressed, etc.

I have two best friends (one male, one female). I’ve known the female one for about two years now and the male one for a year now. Long story short, I fell in love with my male best friend. It’s been a roller coaster the past months between him and I and trying to control our emotions for one another. Either we argue out of jealousy or go on frequent breaks of not speaking to each other. I really love him as a person and I want him in my life but I can’t handle it anymore because he doesn’t feel the same for me anymore. He’s an Aries and had the ability to detach from me, unlike myself (a Gemini), I’m having a really hard time.

Since last Monday, my mood swings have been really bad due to the absence of taking my pills. I decided to end our friendship for good last Thursday because I got jealous over a girl. I couldn’t handle pretending or burying my emotions anymore. That weekend, I turned my phone off and remained silent on everyone. Spent time with my family and most importantly, myself. On Sunday, I decided to turn my phone back on and reach out to my close friends letting them know I needed to be alone. My female best friend was pissed because she was worried and felt as though me disappearing became a burden rather than me not disappearing. My reason for disappearing was because I actually didn’t want to be a burden on anyone. I wanted to be alone and figure out what I was feeling and why.

She got over it Sunday night, told me to not do that again and proceeded about her bday weekend (this weekend coming up). I texted her asking her what she was doing, if she could come to my house later. She disregarded my text and kept talking about her bday and mentioning my male best friend’s name. (Now rewind .. i introduced my female best friend to my other set of friends including my male best friend. They all loved her and she started becoming apart of our group.) I then asked her if she would be okay with me not attending her birthday weekend because I’m not in the right state of mind and also because I didn’t want to be around my male best friend being that I have strong feelings for him and ended our friendship last Thursday. She got pissed and wrote “do what is best for you.” I started having a mental breakdown, explaining myself to her and saw she posted on instagram bragging about her bday weekend and how my male best friend is helping her get excited.

My issue here is, I introduced my female best friend to my male best friend and the rest of my other friends who are now her friends. I feel betrayed that she would brush me off because of my mental illness. I feel hurt that she isn’t being understanding of my well being yet is being self-centered because her birthday is coming up. My therapist told me she agrees with my decision in not wanting to participate in my best friend’s birthday plans and she disagrees with my best friend’s response. I’m just very hurt, angry and resentful right now towards both best friends because I feel like they don’t care about me.