Hi Nekoshema,

It sounds like you don’t often say “No”, and the other person/people feel comfortable for asking you.

Just say you’d love to but you have already have plans, then ask if you could cover for them if they want a day to do errands, etc.

I know what you mean, btw ~ I celebrate/d The Wheel of the Year Holidays (Solstice, Equinox, etc.) but the rest of the world doesn’t get it, and it is considered optional or fringy. I just say “I’m busy” which I am. Or the truth: “I’m having people over/I have to clean.”

The knot of guilt? Think of it this way: This is important to you, and that’s eight friggin’ days out of the year that you are taking time for YOU and your thing! And everyone has “A Thing”.

The best part? Once you say “No” once to someone they are more unlikely to ask you to do something a second time.

Best,

Inky

Dear Nekoshema:

You asked: “how do you get over that guilt from saying no for once?”

Scientifically speaking, saying no is connected in your brain with the feeling of guilt. It is the same kind of connection as in seeing a cake and feeling hunger for it (and starting to salivate). It is an automatic reaction.

So, once you understand that neural connection was made between Saying-no and feeling-guilty, you also know that the feeling of guilt does not mean that you are doing something wrong by saying no. You notice the automatic response and see it as automatic. You can talk sense to yourself and say something like: I feel guilty but I am not guilty. I am important. Etc.

anita