Dear Helcat,

Thank you for the answer.

“Summarising what I gathered from this is that you flirted with another woman while you were drunk and hugged or cuddled her. Would you agree?”

I even wouldn’t say cudddled, but there was a drunk hug, yes. My assume is that she expected kiss or something but that didn’t happened.

“I think that if you told your partner she would be understanding especially since you feel bad about it. Do you think this is true?”

I’m not 100% on this, but I think that she would understand in the end.

“It sounds like a source of anxiety for you linked to your earlier fantasies about exploring options outside of your relationship. What do you think about this?”

I definitely had a lot of anxious moments because of that, simply I had a strong feelings of missing out. It was not helping that I was surrounded by frineds all the time, who were going on casual dates, exploring and even telling me that I’m missing out a lot.

Thank you for your words 🙂

Wish you all the best too!

Dear Tee,

Bringing it up with her however may make her doubt your love and commitment – which is the opposite of what you want. I think it might hurt her and cause unnecessarily friction and mistrust due to something that is already resolved in your mind and won’t be influencing your life any more.

That was my biggest concern and in the end that was the reason why I didn’t tell her. You said it better that I would.

And lastly, I’d like to say: forgive yourself. You’re not a bad person for this little misstep. You are a good, conscientious person, who cares about his girlfriend a lot and doesn’t want to hurt her. Your intentions are pure. So keep that in mind, and forgive yourself. And focus on the future ahead!

Thank you for those words, It really means a lot to hear that 🙂 I am definitely focusing on wedding and future in general without any doubts.

Thank you one more time and wish you all the best too!

Hi Helcat

Worst case would be if something worse happened while you were drinking in the future. But watch your drinking around women when your partner isn’t there would prevent any issues.

I totally agree. This is just one of the additional reasons to watch my alcohol intake in the future.

How are you feeling about the marriage this summer?

I love my husband very much, but when it came to getting married I still had doubts even though I knew it was what I wanted. It’s a very big decision, potentially life changing. That alone is enough to give anyone doubts.

Honestly, I also had doubts. Given the nature of my relationship (a relationship since 17,18 years old), I wondered if I was ready, if I needed to experience anything else in my life and if I was doing it out of habit. Every relationship is different so the doubts are, but I believe that many have them. It really is a big, life changing decision and maybe we are never 100% sure.

What helped me to settle down with getting married is a fact that I really see her as my life companion in the future. I get support, respect and love from her and I am asking myself what else do I need. Also, the thought that she is the mother of my children makes me happy because I believe she is the right person for that.

In the end, the thought of hurting her really make me sad and that’s why I started to write here. I really believe she deserved the best from me.

If you feel the same way or similar for your husband, I think that getting married is not a mistake.

Hope that this helped you a bit.

Hi Helcat

I understand the anxiety you are talking about. As you said some thoughts are automatic, so we should have that in mind and don’t let them make us worry too much. I’m glad that you are happy with your decision.

Thank you one more time for your words and wish you all the best too! 🙂