Hi guys, just wondering if anyone has any advice. A number of relationships in my life are facing difficulties and I feel like I’m on a downwards spiral. I recently went away on holiday with my boyfriend and I don’t know… there was something very boring about it. We’ve been together over two years and I love him to bits, but admittedly, he’s not a great conversationist, and I really struggle to engage him in any kind of conversation unless it’s about some video game or other that he likes. He’s also quite a negative person and complains a lot, which I never realised the extent of until this trip. I don’t want to break up with him but our relationship needs to change, to become exciting and interesting again, and I’d love him to be more positive (which I’ve told him before but he always returns to negativity in the end). I don’t know how exactly to go about this without hurting his feelings.

My parents are currently separating. I rarely see my dad, who cheated on my mum with someone significantly younger than him and now lives away from home. My mum is quite a positive person but she’s also childlike in many ways, impulsive and energetic but also vulnerable. She’s been going from dating website to dating website with only disappointment resulting from each encounter. I feel deeply sorry for her because she deserves a good, loyal partner, but at the same time, she’s quite gullible, and she keeps falling for the tricks of scammers on these sites. I feel like I’m constantly having to look after her, not just for this, but also because of the break-up with Dad, and because my older brother is so hard to deal with. He has Asperger’s syndrome, but also deliberately takes advantage of Mum’s kindness and ‘borrows’ money constantly from her (and then never pays her back). He’s unemployed and essentially cannot be bothered to work. I help her figure out how best to handle him, as well as my younger brother.

But as a result of all this, I feel parentless. Dad has left, and Mum doesn’t feel like a mum anymore, because our roles have reversed. I’m looking after her now, which I kind of resent, because I have so many problems of my own, including anxiety difficulties. Mum only ever wants to talk about herself these days, which is understandable I suppose, given her situation. But if I ever want to talk to her about a problem I’m having, she might talk about it for a short time, but then she’ll launch into her own problems again, and she’s constantly putting pressure on me to come up with answers to them. I don’t want all of this responsibility simply because I’m probably the most sensible, sane member of the family right now!

I’m feeling very, very depressed about everything. I’m seeing a psychologist for EMDR sessions as well as counselling but I only have one more session with her and then I have to wait until after the next uni term. I just want to feel more positive and less miserable about my situation. I’ve tried to be grateful for what I have, and accept the situation rather than longing for it to be different, but still I find myself crying at night, worrying about all these things. What’s a good way to feel more positive? 🙁 Sorry for the essay!

• This topic was modified 10 years, 2 months ago by Penguin.