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  • July 23, 2020 at 4:39 pm #362510
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Marce:

    You wrote: “it is hard to put distance between us because I don’t want to put my daughter in the middle of it all”- reads to me that it will be a good idea for you to put distance between you and your family of origin (parents and siblings), so that you are less anxious and mentally healthier.  A less anxious and mentally healthier mother I best for your daughter.

    In other words, a mentally healthier mother is a way, way better deal for your daughter than an anxious/unwell mother + an extended, troubled family.

    Don’t you think?

    anita

    • This reply was modified 4 years, 9 months ago by .
    July 25, 2020 at 11:30 am #362710
    Inky
    Participant

    Hi Marce,

    This was the story of my life: Making nice with the extended family for my children.

    There is a Buddhist saying: Seek Sanctuary in Politeness. If a stranger was rude to you, you wouldn’t engage, would you? Of course not! You’d think, “Well that one is an odd duck,” and smile politely with a thousand yard stare.

    With your family be Open and Formal. Don’t get into it with them. Go to all the holidays and events. Once a year or so  unapologetically be unavailable. My family howled the first time I dared go on vacation during Christmas. But then they got over it because I was tacitly giving everyone else permission to take a break and do the same.

    Best,

    Inky

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