FaceBook *Sigh* - Tiny Buddha

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This topic has 34 replies, 10 voices, and was last updated 10 years, 6 months ago by Big blue.

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June 1, 2014 at 5:24 am #57811
Inky
Participant
Hi Gang!

When I joined FB about five years ago, it was literally my playground. I could post anything, anytime, interact, it was one big party.

Then some of my Friends got crotchety, became militant vegans, became political, or would shamelessly self promote.

I could live with that!

Now I look at my Friends List and truthfully I only want to interact with a couple dozen ~

What also has happened is that extended and distantly extended family members and (god forgive me) a Frienemy have Friended me, and I had to add them for social reasons. One reports to her mom things I post because the mom will comment on them and she would have no way of knowing. Or another aunt thinks everything’s “OK” or has the veneer of everything being “OK” even though her husband is a Creep.

It’s not like anything is “BAD” (quotes and no quotes), but it’s hard to be myself, be a free spirit, or post any innocuous thing without it being or becoming a “Thing”. I feel like I’m being monitored and watched. And I am.

I am only on for my kids and one FaceBook game I have gotten quite attached to.

I Hid/Hide posts as much as I can, my Privacy settings are high. I check in less and less.

I want to start over or disappear without the Social Fallout.

Or find a new social media site which everyone (but not, you know, Every One flocks to!)

This is not a serious problem, or even a true problem, but I’m sure some of you can relate! How do you relate to FaceBook five years in?
- This topic was modified 10 years, 6 months ago by Inky.
June 1, 2014 at 5:42 am #57814

The Ruminant
Participant

I don’t like it now, and I’m trying to figure out ways to get away from it without losing the contact with the people with whom I am only in contact through FB. I was away from there for a long time and during that time I became calmer and less egocentric. Now I can clearly see what a bad influence it can have on a person.

I have had to stop following some people. I haven’t removed them from my friends list, but I become a bit depressed when I see them post something. The endless whining over things. In most cases, it has stopped being about the actual topic, and it’s just a way for people to let others know how discontent they are with everything. I’ve also noticed that there is no point in engaging some people. I once tried, in vain, to tell someone that if they are so worried over social inequality, then perhaps they shouldn’t target one particular group of people and blame them for all the problems in the world. She didn’t understand me at all, and was hell bent on unleashing her wrath over a specific group of people, without an ounce of self-awareness. People are so focused on what they are talking about and are so obsessed with being right, that they forget what the point originally was supposed to be. Oh well.

You can have “tiers” in your FB. Just group the people you want to share things with and when ever you post, just post so that they are the only ones who see things. I know it takes a bit of effort and I honestly can’t be bothered myself anymore.

So, I guess I don’t really have any solution for you, but you do have my sympathies. I really dislike FB and I think it’s bad for people’s mental health.

June 1, 2014 at 6:04 am #57816
Inky
Participant
I tried the tier/group thing and it totally backfired!!

So I am proudly 1/4 Swedish (“Swedish”?). I did 23 and Me. Well, I found out that we are not as Swedish as we thought!! So I post in my “Close Friends” group about how do I tell my mother, why did I wear those Nordic sweaters all those years, etc. All in a joking way!!

So one of my friends complains to my sister, “What was with Inky’s post? Why is she not proud of being Swedish??”

I posted nothing about NOT being proud of being Swedish, AND now Sister is all prickly because it looks like I deleted a choice post that she couldn’t read or am now a FaceBook wizard.

I told her, “Oh, I have a Friend List, a Family List, a Gaming List, a Neighborhood List, etc.”

She gets MAD that She’s on the Family List!!! Like I lumped her with Them (see original post above).

So I decided to be Vanilla White, Rated G, BBC News tone to Everyone. Because the potential Fall Out is too great for those who KNOW they’re excluded (even from PTA news).

People want to see Everything. And I mean Everything. Take that as a compliment I guess??

My other option is to go silent for a Year, delete everyone at once and start over. No one can be mad if they see I only have two Friends and never post!!
- This reply was modified 10 years, 6 months ago by Inky.
June 1, 2014 at 6:25 am #57818

The Ruminant
Participant

Proper Facebook drama 🙂 Oh, and people can be mad, no matter what you do. Because obviously it is about them 🙂

I do think that FB is starting to be quite passé anyway. They’re constantly introducing new ways to violate people’s privacy, so in a way, it would be easy to go now or start over. Just say that you want to take control over what you post, just in case. Or say that you leave FB and start a new profile under a false name and limited friends list. There’s plenty of those these days. Only those on their friends list know their true identity, so it’s easier to share. Then again, that can obviously also backfire, if you have several mutual friends with those who aren’t going to be on your new friends list.

Let me know if you find a better way to connect with others, because I’m really also looking for a way to escape 🙂

June 1, 2014 at 6:57 am #57821

Anonymous
Inactive

Try using the “unfollow” option for some friends who are particularly active and annoying – by default, you are following everyone. PS: Its worse for my age-group -_- they change profile pictures everyday, tell everyone everything o.O It freaks me out at times. *sighs* seriously, if only people got a big big microphone so that they could shout to the world from their balconies all the time!

June 1, 2014 at 7:00 am #57824

Inky
Participant

One Friend’s account was always being “Hacked”. Now he is down to a comfortable 30 Friends. But oh, the drama!!

I think I have to go “Man”. Men seldom or never post on their own Wall. Everyone posts on theirs. No comments. I think the trick is to go Silent for a year. Sit on your hands. Post nothing. “Like” nothing. Comment on nothing. Message nothing. Game nothing. Say “I don’t do FaceBook anymore”. If you never post, They expect nothing. One year later delete Everyone but a few in one hour. To the complainers (who notice a day to six months later) say, “I didn’t do FB for years, I come back, I couldn’t log in, I had to start over with a new email/password.” They Friend you. You ignore. After all, you don’t do FB anymore. And you only have 2 Friends. Every year add 1.

Oh, God, Ruminant, there has to be an easier way!! LOL

June 1, 2014 at 7:02 am #57825

Inky
Participant

Yes, I’ve clicked “Acquaintances” for almost everyone and UnFollowed. But they see my posts and Wall, that’s the thing.

June 1, 2014 at 7:06 am #57827

Anonymous
Inactive

I think there’s a setting for that – i usually use custom when i post – so that few selected people can see it. And i am notorious for being an aloof little lamb, so it helps 😛

June 1, 2014 at 7:35 am #57829

The Ruminant
Participant

I think you hit the nail on the head there, Inky. Men don’t take it as seriously as women tend to do. For women, social circles are so important, and FB is like a social circle on steroids. Men don’t care 🙂 Someone’s ego got a bit bruised because you didn’t accept their friend request? Tough! In the meanwhile, women are coming up with elaborate schemes on how to juggle everything so that nobody gets hurt and everyone is happy and everything ends up looking like a bed of roses 🙂

…and this is why as a recovering codependent, FB is not good for me. I really do need to scale it back. Do something. It’s not a huge problem for me, but it can potentially derail the healing.

June 1, 2014 at 7:48 am #57830

Big blue
Participant

Hi Inky-

Good topic!

I deactivated mine a while back when FB said they own what ever I upload like pictures, and doing their IPO on the strength of people sharing their lives and getting spammed. It was already becoming a social cactus to back into. I have to say my life is simpler. I stay in touch personally or with text and phone. Email. LinkedIn for work contacts.

By the way because sites get hacked, use a made up email address that does not contain your name when you register. Also, use a scheme where your password is unique for each site.

Big blue

June 1, 2014 at 9:26 am #57834
Inky
Participant
The hunt is on for a new social media site!! Time to move. It is creeping me out how Facebook is all up in your privacy, you log into other sites through FB, etc.
- This reply was modified 10 years, 6 months ago by Inky.
June 1, 2014 at 10:38 am #57837
Big blue
Participant
Inky-

You’re funny – and seriously why be creeped out when you just when be in touch with some folks?

The quest is on!

‘…they may take our online privacy and torture us with A/B testing, but they’ll never take… OUR FREEDOM!’ 🙂

Big blue
- This reply was modified 10 years, 6 months ago by Big blue.
June 1, 2014 at 10:57 am #57839

Matt
Participant

Inky et al,

Consider that when drama pokes up, there’s always an unmet need behind it. Not on the friends list making some pain? Fear of invalidation? Of not being loved? What’s there? Not “they poop in my pleasant field”, but “here they are reaching out,reading closely, so what do we do with that? How can we help?”

Not that its needed or we’re obligated, but when we can poise ourselves in that way, their pokes are not nearly as disturbing to our own happiness. We can’t change how they think of us, but we can grow a different internal reaction. Its like trading judgment for wisdom. “How dare they” to “Who are they?”

Also consider that gossip is said to produce spinning mind, so aim well!

With warmth,
Matt

June 1, 2014 at 11:54 am #57843

MayraLuna
Participant

@Inky,

I deleted mine and I kid you not, felt so much better instantly. No more FB anxiety for me, I am fully enjoying my JOMO (joy of missing out) effect… 😀

Try deactivating it. See how it makes you feel.

Also, if you really want to stay in touch with a certain few, get their emails / phone numbers. If they are important to you, they’ll find a way to find you, and vice versa.

🙂

Also, I find that it is easy to replace one SM outlet for another. Try Pinsterest, or Instagram for the pictures… or not. Just do what makes you happy.

June 1, 2014 at 12:42 pm #57846

Jess
Participant

I was on Facebook. I deleted my account and I have not been on it for 4 years. It fascinates me how much people put into Facebook. It’s just a thing on the Internet. The things that consume my life are the people who are actually in it (people that I see in person regularly, talk to, spend time with, etc..). I think it’s a good thing to keep in touch with family who may not get to see on a regular basis. But everything else seems…pointless. The thousands of “friends” one can have on Facebook, are just that.. “friends”. And in my opinion, why on earth would you give two hoots about what those people think about your pictures, comments, status..it seems like this is something that people get upset over in their “real” life when someone is negative to them on Facebook. I think it would be worth a try to deactivate your account. Try something different for a day, and then turn that day into trying something different for a week. It’s very easy for people on Facebook to be negative, and to be hurtful, or to be judgemental. The Internet and social media can be a wonderful place to share our ideas, thoughts, triumphs..but it can also bring out the insecurities in people when being able to not be face to face to someone. I think that, just like in life away from he screen, the best places to nourish your happiness and healthy self, are places that are positive and help you learn or grow or experience positive things. Sometimes these social media sites do not become these places. I feel it would be helpful to seek out and find that place that builds no drama and only builds good things.
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